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Acw271011 So This Is Not A Planning Thread.... But

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@@yycbride2016 yup, that sounds like Juan. He loves expensive things and I like to save money whenever I can, which sometimes leads to arguments. His suit was actually $1000 and a bit, quite a bit more than my dress haha. In the end, it looks amazing and you can tell that it's a more expensive suit. I also agree, they get to wear it again whereas our dress is a one time thing and it would be a shame had I spent 3 or 4k on it. There's a lot of things where that money could be better spent. 

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See our guys really don't know what good price shoppers we are!! I'm very happy with the deal I got on my dress, and the veil too whether I wear it or not. Even my shoes were only $60 plus the $5 for dyeing them. I understand that Doug wanted me to try to save on my dress since it isn't our wedding but you're both right - even if it was our wedding I could never justify spending more than $2000 for a dress, including taxes and alterations, which is what I was willing to do. But no more than that.

 

Doug is the same - mr gadget guy so yes, he likes expensive things too. I tell him he's a brand snob but he doesn't believe me. I spent too many years of my marriage before I met Doug barely making ends meet so my kids made do with unbranded clothes and shoes. You do what you have to do to survive but it was something totally new for me when I met Doug that he would spend the kind of money that he does on things. He's gotten much tighter with money now since we're so close to retiring though!

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I think all men are like that!!! Wonder if it's the women/motherly instinct. Haha

 

Don't get me wrong I love to spend money, travel, have nice things but I also was a single mom for many years and I learned how to stretch a dollar... Far..... And a lot of that was coupons and waiting for sales for things like kids name brand clothes! I never buy anything without pairing a coupon with a sale.

 

When we first got a joint account it was hard on Shawn and also on me not to analyze every dollar he spent lol. I'm letting go and he is starting to appreciate my budgeting! Thankfully we worked thru that as now I'm not working full time (by choice) but he knows what needs to happen :)

 

 

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Edited by calgarybride2015
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That's awesome! Juan and I just opened our joint account a few months ago, but it's not totally joint yet haha. We put in money for furniture and things like that, but the fully joint account will come once we move in together haha. I know that's going to be a struggle, especially having a joint credit card. I'm not looking forward to the arguments haha

 

 

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Oh joint credit cards..... don't get me started. Please.... don't get me started! lol

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We had arguments and tears, I won't lie but we worked thru it. We learned a whole lot more about eachother thru it. Debt stresses me out. We had one run in with a large credit card bill but thankfully ironed that out before we got a joint card -- which just happened lol it's an adjustment -- not trying to scare you :)

 

 

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Edited by calgarybride2015
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The simple fact is you learn how to deal with it if you love each other. They say there is always one person in a relationship that compromises more than the other, sort of like one is more dominant than the other. I think that's true in a lot of ways. You usually have a peacekeeper in a relationship. But I've heard that it's one topic that couples don't discuss enough before they get married and I can see why. I'm happy Doug and I lived together as long as we did before we got married and I'm not sure we would have got married if it wasn't for his cancer scare. It was just something that wasn't on the radar for us. But we've been through it all I think now. The money arguments, the getting to know each other arguments lol. The sickness and health stuff. I'm not sure if there is anything left! But joint credit cards can still be an issue!!

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From my experience I think if you are open about budgeting, having a joint account isn't that scary or stressful. Kyle and I got a joint account when we purchased our house 2 years ago (been living together for 3 years). We put money for the dog, electricty, cable, mortgage, insurance, etc into the joint account (anything that is both of our expenses) and then the rest is individual. We actually have a spreadsheet that helps us budget. Every month we talley up who owes who what to keep everything balanced. So like groceries or dinners out. I think we'll always keep personal items like clothes or haircuts etc separate but anything we purchase together will be either from the joint account or we even up on at the end of the month. Over time though, we've noticed that we balance each other out with who is paying for what. I pay for groceries and he pays for rennovation stuff and electronics, etc. and then when we split everything we usually come out fairly even. I wouldn't stress over it too much, just make sure you are even and keeping open / honest about where your money goes. My sister and her ex ran into money issues when they didnt talk about it. He claimed his money was the "fun" money and my sisters was the bills money. When they split that really bit her in the butt.

 

Edit: Also the spreadsheet helps you analyse over time how much you spend on groceries, household items, entertainment, etc. Its been really helpful for us to be able to say woah! we ate out way too many times this month we need to cut back. Its good to be aware of where your money is going.

Edited by yycbride2016
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We've been trying a few things but I definitely think things will change when we move in. Our idea right now is to put money for our bills and things like that in our joint account and then whatever is left we get to keep to ourselves and it's our fun money. However, he makes quite a bit more money than I do so that would mean I'd have a very small amount of money left over, and he would have a lot more. We also thought about pooling our money together, paying all our bills and whatever is left over divide in two for our fun money.

 

We've definitely talked about it, my mindset is to only spend the money I have, and only get into debt when it's really unavoidable (like getting a car, or renovating, or the mortgage). His mindset is very different, he will easily get into debt for something he wants, even if it's something kind of trivial. He used to call me cheap whenever I'd tell him that I couldn't afford something that specific month, but now that he finally paid off his credit card, he has started to see things my way a little more. Now he also pays the whole thing off every month and agrees with me that it's a lot less stressful. I know there will be some fireworks here and there about money, but I think it comes as part of transitioning from being on your own to being a team now. I guess money is always the #1 problem between couples. It really tests your communication skills and how well you can work together. But you guys are right, if you really love each other, you make it work. I'm totally the more easygoing one in the relationship, but not when it comes to money. I just don't think being in debt and being stressed about money is worth it. In the end you end up fighting more, and it really puts stress on the relationship that could easily be avoided. 

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I think that's where our issues came from -- we went to a joint account and both cheques went into it. There was no 50/50 bills and what was left over we could use as we pleased. So he felt stress to spend any money blah blah. Just had to talk I thru. We now just run larger purchases past eachother first. Like 'hey I really want those new sandals is that ok this month?' Not like we'd say no but more out of respect. Shawn just leaves it to me and after I pay all the bills, do savings and have budgeted I tell him what's left lol

 

@@TinkerSofi I appreciate your concern/thoughts about the 50/50 and what's left for each of you is what you get even though Juan makes more. My friend is married and does this. She has NOtHING left over each month and her spouse has tonnes. Causes a lot of issues amongst them and she is trying to come up with something better but he isn't as easy going and level headed as we are. I feel for her. Seems so unfair.

 

 

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Edited by calgarybride2015
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