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rachelia160

Guest Inviting Strangers To My Wedding?

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"Hey instead of going to the pool bar and meeting girls, let's get dressed up and watch strangers get married!" - said no 18 year old ever

Edited by Neako
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"Hey instead of going to the pool bar and meeting girls, let's get dressed up and watch strangers get married!" - said no 18 year old ever

Well exactly BUT it's more the principle here and being able to advocate for ourselves and our weddings. Because it is, ultimately, their day.

 

 

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Agreed, definitely agree. I'm just guessing they don't intend to go. Like I did before I think she should just have her friend talk to them and have all the awkwardness alleviated.

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I think it gets a little tricky when parents are paying for part of the wedding like yours and mine are. My parents have some of their friends coming who had no problems inviting their adult kids and their dates without asking which is fine, but what didn't fly is when they didn't even know which kids were coming by the RSVP date. I got really upset but ultimately since it was up to my parents and they were very nonchalant about the whole thing, I had to just roll it. It really made buying oot bag stuff more costly.

 

For such smart people, a good chunk of them seemed to never think about the planning and number crunching I was doing ...

 

Going along with this, I still can't believe one of my friends had invited the guy she literally just started dating.. Ah craziness!

 

I know exactly what you mean--I feel like I'm one of the few on here who have parents helping some I'm glad you understand!! 

 

I totally didnt/don't mind that she's bringing her whole family. I might not count the sons/brothers in my closest circle of friends but I do KNOW them and I'm thrilled that they're making a family vacation out of it, so I don't mind inviting them to the wedding. My mom's good friend is bringing her sister who I've only met a few times. That's fine!  I don't mind inviting any of these people to the wedding, and I don't mind people bringing a travel buddy or even their whole immediate families, but I just thought this branched out a little toooo far from my closest friends and family to be at my wedding ceremony!

 

@@LisaAnthonyPoppy I think I need to step up my no-nonsense game a little! I'm not really into wedding planning, and if it were up to me I'd let someone else take care of it and show up and have everything be a surprise, so I've been very laid back about everything, but this just got on my nerves.

 

@@JenniferH114 I was debating on whether or not to go through my friend or straight to the mom (who I'm very close with too and love to death). You're probably right, that it would be better to go straight to her. Maybe I'll feel out the situation from my friend to find out if they're REALLY going (because this whole conversation might end up being unnecessary if they don't go anyway!), and then go to her mom to discuss the heavier stuff.

 

@ I laughed out loud at this!! Fair point!! :)

 

 

@@TammyWright Great idea saying it's more of a space issue--can't argue with that!

 

 

I agree with you guys here, one thing is to give guests a plus one, and another is to have people invite others as they wish. I mean, that is unheard of for any wedding (or any formal event for that matter) and I still don't understand why people think DW are different. 

 

I would clarify with your mom's friend whether she's thinking this guy's friends will be coming to the wedding. If you don't want to confront her about costs because your mom is paying, maybe tell her that there's a limit for guests at the venue and you just can't have anyone else. Technically you could tell her that what she's doing is plain rude, hahah but if you're anything like me you'd never say that :P

 

 

EXACTLY. I would never in a million years invite strangers to another person's wedding....heck, or even to a birthday party or any kind of celebration that you have to pay for, reserve space for, have a head count, etc. I guess people get a little too laid back when the beach is concerned!  And you're right--my inner you-know-what would like to say "Uh, excuse me, why do you think this is okay?" but that would never happen in a million years.  :P

 

I actually wouldnt be too worried about it. The chances of teenage boys attending the wedding are slim to none. He probably asked for his friends to come so he can have someone his age to hang out with and enjoy his vacation with. Sometimes we have to remember that this is not just a wedding we are planning but asking people to spend money for a vacation. I think they should be able to choose how they want to spend it. Just get clarification if he will be attending the wedding and then say that you dont mind if they come, you just ask that they be ensured to know that they are not wedding guests. I have guests that invited their whole family, like their chidrena nd parents.  My in laws invited their friends that they normally golf and vacation with. I think it's fine. I told them to use my travel agent and to let me kn ow if they will be attending the wedding. 

 

Like I said, I have no problem at all with them coming--for all I care each person could bring their entire family tree on the trip! The more the merrier! We've been encouraging people all along to plan it as their summer vacation with their families or whoever they want to spend it with. It just seems presumptuous to think that everyone you bring should be invited to an intimate wedding ceremony! But like you said, hopefully they'll want nothing to do with the wedding anyway...and hopefully the mom won't try to make them come!

Edited by rachelia160

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So the other day I was getting a manicure with my friend, and she said "Oh, I don't even know if you know this, but two of my brother's friends are coming to Mexico."  Oh yes, so I heard -_- ...ha!

 

I know that some of you said that I should go straight to her mom to sort things out, but since she brought it up, I apologetically and kind of embarrassedly said "Do they have to come to the wedding though? I'm kind of running short on space."  To be honest I was so nervous about what to say I don't even remember her exact reaction or what she said, but judging by the slight look of surprise on her face I'm guessing she just assumeed that they'd be invited to the wedding also...but I think she said she'd talk to her mom.

 

Now I'm second guessing myself.  Should I just suck it up and let them come to the ceremony? I realize I probably won't even notice two more people, but I'm frustrated more on principle. I started to feel bad because her little brother won't have anyone to "hang out with" at the wedding...friend-wise, obviously his (entire) family will be there. But is that a big deal? To be honest I wouldn't mind if they came down to join the party at the reception once dinner and all that stuff was done, but then saying that just sounds almost more rude than just not inviting them at all (like "You have to stay away until a certain time and then you're allowed entry." Just seems kind of rude and like it would overcomplicate things).

 

At this point I'm hoping that maybe she'll mention it to her mom and she'll feel a little silly for assuming the two friends would be invited to the ceremony and it'll be a non-issue.  All I know is that I'm certainly not going to add them to the guest list when no one has really "officially" informed me that they'd be coming (not that I could, I don't even know their names, and I don't think they're booked yet or anything), and I'm not going to go out of my way to chase down their information. I guess if I don't hear anything I'll assume it solved itself, and if she asks about it I'll go from there.  

 

The problem might be is if she goes to my mom to say the two friends are coming and my mom says they'll be invited to the wedding. She thinks it's kind of silly that I care about any of this at all and thinks it shouldn't matter who comes, the more the merrier (I think she might start to regret this when she sees the bill...she doesn't seem to be taking that into account even though I've warned her about how quickly it adds up).  That's been my attitude thus far, but it just seems ridiculous that an invitation that should have been extended to four people (my friend and her boyfriend, and her mom and her husband) is now at 7 people counting her two brothers and her older brother's girlfriend, and NOW they want to make it 9.  That's one fifth of the guests at the wedding!

 

*sigh* I know I'm overthinking this and at this point I'm just rambling but I feel better once I write it all out!

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@@rachelia160

Omg I'm sure your friend is wonderful, but I wouldn't second guess your judgement, I would second guess hers! Lol

 

You did and said the right thing. And bless your heart, she brought it up you were so patient and not quick to snap.

 

Do and ask for what you think is best my dear.

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@@rachelia160 I totallyhear you...my mom thinks I was being silly when I was concerned that people were wanting to bring more people. It's frustrating. It was good that you said something to your friend so maybe her and her mom can kind of rethink their etiquette. It's obviously gauche that they are tacking on the friends, but I think if you are getting to the end of figuring out who's coming and you have room I would just roll with it. You said your piece and maybe your friend will pick up on it, maybe not. You will probably get to know these kids during the trip and then it won't feel as weird that they attend. Trust me I had a crying melt down dealing with people's rudeness but everything sorted out and I kind of relaxed and focused on the positives . I was upset that some people didn't get it, but came to terms with it. It made me less stressed . Not saying that people should walk all over you, but if your parents are ok paying for it then maybe it's best to just laugh it off and roll with it

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@@nadiakat17 I think that's the attitude I'm going to take.  Yes, I got all fired up and frustrated about it cause it seems so obviously rude to those of us immersed in wedding etiquette, but at the end of the day it's not worth the stress of having to have these difficult conversations with people about uninviting people (although it's not really "uninviting" them when they weren't invited in the first place but whatever!) I'll take your advice and roll with it :) 

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Haha @@rachelia160 I spoke too soon. Thought we had everything finalized as we are 1 month out! was on the last minute phone call with the wedding planner & my mom in conference call (side note: the wedding planner is going out of town for the next 2.5 weeks and sprung this on us to finalize and pay everything at this moment even though we weren't supposed to for another 10 days) and my mom slips in, oh my cousin is bringing both his girlfriends now (this is a whole other story)- which one was invited but had said she had work travel and declined previously. I was furious but how much could I say on the phone with the wedding planner. My mom was like eh no big deal don't worry about it and I was just fuming. I have no say since she is paying and obviously she doesn't understand why this is so frustrating. She was like, well some people don't know their schedules til last minute and I said "well maybe then they are forced to decline an invite at the RSVP date- which was 3 months ago PS"!) We have already packed our favors, maracas etc and made personalized name tags and seating charts. I had crossed these things off my to do list. I am logging 80 hrs per week now at work, its not like I have lots of down time to go back to all this stuff. Not to mention we made a single guys bag for the cousin and don't think we have enough materials and what would we say- to cousin plus 2 girlfriends? everyone else is a couple or single. I took my own advice and am trying to roll with it but there better not be anymore surprises- I don't think there can be as we are paying for guests in full today. I will do my best with the favors but can't really be too bothered as this was pretty rude of them.

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