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Pjay Planning Thread - December 15, 2015 Beach Palace

2015 Brides Planning Tips Cancun Riviera Maya

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#721 pjay

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Posted 11 August 2015 - 01:48 PM

@veryvalentine I'm not sure if she's gotten that far yet, but if she does have a wedding party I will definitely be in it that's for sure.

 

@Meandhim I don't think i'm being negative about the situation, but my feelings are coming from a place of hurt. I think that she could've definitely been so much more considerate of my situation especially with me having included her in all of my planning. The situations do sound a lot different though because in my particular situation she has always made comments about how she should be married by now and belittling me telling me i'm still young etc etc. It definitely seemed that she was a bit bitter that I was getting married and this was how she was acting prior to her engagement so it was definitely alarming when she decided to have a wedding really quickly and only a few days before my wedding. With that being said.. Chester has decided that he wants to move the date of our legal ceremony so that we can have our own space/time. This time really means a lot to us and we don't want to share it with anyone else. If we were to keep our date as is with her having her wedding just a few days before mine, it would be so selfish of her to expect me to be involved when I will be so wrapped up in everything with my own. I just think it's terrible timing and she could've been so much more considerate while picking a date.


Edited by perianjay, 11 August 2015 - 01:49 PM.

 

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#722 Wafflesmom

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Posted 11 August 2015 - 05:03 PM

@perianjay I'm so sorry to hear that you're MOH is causing you so much stress right now. Your story actually mirrors one of my closest friends. Her MOH got engaged after she did and did everything to try to beat her to the aisle. In hindsight, my friend should have known that her MOH would turn out this way. When she announced that they were engaged, this girl actually cried! My friend naively thought they were tears of joy but the rest of the bridal party knew they were tears of jealousy. Her MOH wanted to get married already! So when this girl finally got engaged, she had the audacity to call my friend, ask for the exact date of her wedding, then said "ok, my wedding will be the weekend before". My friend had the same reaction as you and was quite hurt. She had a heart to heart with her MOH and she eventually moved her date to months after (although this could have been by she couldn't find a venue on such short notice).

So having seen this firsthand, I know how you're feeling. Perhaps just try one more time to reason with your friend. As someone said earlier, maybe she has a valid reason for rushing her wedding date.
My planning thread: http://www.bestdesti...anuary-23-2016/

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#723 Meandhim

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Posted 11 August 2015 - 05:14 PM

@perianjay
Im sorry! I didn't mean to imply you were being negative about the situation... Because I don't think you are, I know you are hurting...What I ment by it was don't let it get you down. Don't let her drama ruin YOUR day!

You are right the situation is a little different because my friend never made comments to that effect or ever made me feel bad about my wedding. I was just speaking from my experience.

Our legal ceremony was not a big deal for us by choice... Just more a signing of papers. Where as for you and Chester you want it to be a special moment for the two of you which is totally understandable.

It sucks that a close friend is hurting you so badly. My heart goes out to you!! I hope you can resolve it without dissolving a friendship! Perhaps a big bottle of wine and a long chat with your friend would help, maybe you both need to get some feelings out there.

I hope it all works out for the best! Wishing you luck!!



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#724 acw271011

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Posted 11 August 2015 - 06:36 PM

Well I can't help being "mom" here first of all. So this girl just met this guy last November, they're already engaged and getting married in November? Are you sure there isn't more her than meets the eye? My first thought is what is she thinking? Ok I know about love at first sight and all that wonderful stuff but does she really know this guy?

 

Ok so now. I'm sorry this has worked out the way it has and has you so upset. This stress so close to your own wedding is a lot and definitely unfair at a time that is supposed to be a happy one for you. But I almost want to agree with @meandhim  Don't let it ruin YOUR time! I disagree with your hubby to be. Don't change your plans at all. I understand you want your own time and you're entitled to that. I know it's so close but maybe you should look at the source instead. Why, if there's a chance that this young lady is out to put herself first, let her win? Is there not someone else that would be thrilled to step in and help with your wedding details? And I'm sorry, but if this girl was to ask me to be in her wedding? Um nope. No can do. Got my own thing going on. I guess what I'm trying to say is that someone that selfish doesn't deserve to be allowed to ruin your plans. For me I'd dump her butt, but that's just me. lol (sorry) This is a special time for you and Chester and you're entitled to everything that you've worked so hard at planning. Didn't you say the 11th of November had special meaning for you? So why would you change the date? How many times have we said here with BM and MOH drama to either replace them or ignore them. It just sounds spiteful and childish and maybe it's my age but I just don't have time for that kind of thing. I'm all about get over it and move on but that's after living for a good number of years and getting a lot of hurt in the process. There's more than one way to skin a cat and it's easy to beat someone like that at their own game.

 

Keep your date. Keep your plans. Get other people involved with your wedding stuff. It's easy to exclude her. Don't give this person the satisfaction because that's giving her control she doesn't deserve to have.


I said "yes" again to the love of my life at Grand Coral Beach Club, Playa del Carmen, Mexico on our 4th anniversary - October 20, 2015

 

 

http://www.bestdestinationwedding.com/topic/78874-acw271011-so-this-is-not-a-planning-thread-but/

 

 

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#725 calgarybride2015

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Posted 11 August 2015 - 06:39 PM

Hugs babe. @acw271011 said it for me. I agree 100%. She doesn't deserve to win. Keep what you are doing!! Truly. Sorry you are going thru this.


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Married on 2015/01/21 at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya with 43 guests in attendance   :)

 

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#726 racht33

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 04:28 AM

@perianjay Im sorry you are going through this amount of stress right now.. especially when the stress is coming from the person that is suppose to prevent it.... being your MOH and all.  :( I agree with the other ladies here! Don't allow her to ruin your day or your event. This is about you and Chester and that's all its been about. Just because she gets married a few days before yours does not guarantee her the love you guys have. If she truly believes , his is the way to get into marriage then I have no idea what to even think....Something is very strange and questionable for her to being engaged so quickly and already setting a wedding date. When the green monster hits certain people truly are ugly and hurtful.

 

As petty as this will come out... let her plan her "wedding".  Let her schedule her city hall wedding and last minute reception. it will NOT EVEN COME CLOSE TO YOUR WEDDING! Her wedding will be rushed and so disconnected from what it's truly about ( Ive been to 2 rushed weddings and they were truly sad).Your wedding will be about the love between you and Chester and it will be felt and noticed. She will even take notice of it... once she's completed and experienced her rushed wedding and has to jump back in and continue your plans and go to your event. she will have her own regrets.  As you stated... it may be just better to stop beating the dead horse.


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#727 pjay

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 05:17 AM

You ladies are amazing and I have no idea what i'd do without you.. i'm not even sure how many times i've said that now, but it's so true. I've had so much support here

 

@Wafflesmom That story honestly sounds almost IDENTICAL to mine. I love my MOH to pieces (despite being upset with her), but i've always gotten this sense of desperation from her when it came to her love life. She's been the type that has jumped from guy to guy trying to find 'love', but always with the wrong guy. The guy that she is now engaged with was a guy that she had 'SEEN' a couple of times in the past and he was never willing to commit to her.. STRANGELY out of no where and after brushing her off so many times, he decided he wanted to commit to her. I was the one who was always there for her after he would toss her aside and forget about her.. so ya, it definitely stings the way she has put all of this first right now. It's really sad when jealousy get's the best of someone :(

She has made so many comments to me in the past that frankly felt very belittling. Things like "I'm 30, I should be married by now" (emphasis on 'I') and saying how "i'm still young".. because I guess a 30 year old feels more entitled than a 27 year old? Again.. I had no idea what my age had to do with anything...I also don't think 27 is too young to get married. When Chester and I got engaged she always seemed a bit bitter and then when her boyfriend and her started dating she was talking to me about 'getting him to propose to her' after a couple months of them dating. I would be lying if I didn't think their situation was a bit over the top, but I have told her that I support her regardless.

 

@Meandhim no worries! I completely understand what you mean. I definitely agree that I need to focus on my day.. it's just so hard with how many people have affected it lately. Chester and I know that it's our day, but lately it seems that some people don't and have really taken away from that for us.. whether they realize it or not.

I think that no matter what nothing is ever going to ruin the overall experience for Chester and I, but i've definitely had my feelings hurt A LOT in the process. It is really amazing how such a beautiful time like a wedding brings out such UGLY qualities in people. Sides that I honestly never wanted to see from people that we called our best friends.

 

@calgarybride2015 @acw271011 Trust me.. i've actually said the exact same thing, but that's a whole other story in it's self. I've been one of her only friends that has told her the truth about how I feel and i've been telling her since the start that I think it's moving way too fast. It may have been a bit different had they had no bad history together, but the worst part is that they had been 'seeing each other' on and off for a few months before dating and he would never take her out, wouldn't acknowledge her birthday, didn't want to treat her like a girlfriend or express any feelings to her...She would call me crying every week about how he would just dump her off weekly. Then SUDDENLY out of no where he just decided he was ready to commit to her. I was skeptical of course, but supported what she wanted and that was to be with this man who was constantly leaving her high and dry. I will admit that he has really cleaned up his act, but given the history, I would NEVER rush into a marriage with someone like that. I think that she is really desperate to settle down and keeps using her age as an excuse and I think that in the process she is hurting a lot of people because she is just not thinking about anyone else at all... not even thinking about herself.. because I truly believe that is who will be the most hurt by all of this.

 

I know what you mean about not moving the date, but Chester and I don't want to have any negative affiliation to that date so I think it may be best to leave that date as it's own special date (that is already very significant to me) and move on to another time that we can call our own. We really don't like the idea of sharing that time with anyone else so we decided to privately wed now and not disclose the date prior to. Neither of us can stomach the drama around all of it and I'm not sure if I ever mentioned my engagement drama on here, but we would basically be going through the same thing again and we really didn't want to. (Long story short.. we had met a couple about a two years ago that lived in our condo building, we got very close with them very quickly and when they found out that we were getting engaged, the girl cried to her boyfriend and got him to propose to her the day after our engagement.. it was so frustrating for us)..so it's not the first time that something like this has happened. That put a big damper/black cloud over our engagement for us and we didn't want a similar situation again. The sad part is..my MOH was there for me when that whole situation happened and she was so angry about what they did as well.. now she's basically doing the exact same thing to me.

 

@racht33 Thanks girl! I know.. it actually really upsets me because she's the one person I would always turn to and now I feel like I don't have that in this situation. I definitely agree and also suspect that it's a case of the green monster.. It's just so sad that she allowed her jealousy to take over this situation instead of being there for her close friend. As much as I kept trying to tell myself that I was overthinking it and not giving her the benefit of the doubt, I found myself going back to the thought of her being jealous and it's not only because she's trying to race me to the aisle, but also because of many comments that she has made in the past.. You could always tell that she was bitter that I was getting married before her. 

I did try to reason with her and I asked her if this date she chose had significance and what the specific reason was for the date.. she told me there's no reason (she isn't pregnant! lol) and that they chose that weekend because his parent's liked that weekend. She keeps using his parents as an excuse for everything i've noticed. She also used that as an excuse as to why they are rushing into a wedding.. "his parents are christian and don't believe in .. x, y and z".. Meanwhile they have already gone against his parent's beliefs in multiple ways (including living together).


 

My planning thread :
http://www.bestdesti...e/#entry1885631

 



 


#728 calgarybride2015

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 05:29 AM

Ugh! Sometimes I can be a little direct so I hope I can come across well here...

Wth?!?! First of all, I got married at 34 and while sometimes I felt I had to wait so long and I was so old it was the perfect time because I found the perfect one. What's sad is that she is so desperate (no offense) she's willing to take this guy and wed him super fast so he doesn't brush her off again. Omg it's easier to cry over spilt milk then cry over a short marriage and divorce. I actually feel truly sorry for your friend for her desperation. I've been there, I've dated those guys, I've wanted to be married. But honestly after I let go and realized my self worth it happened cause I was attracting the right guys.

I truly feel this has nothing to do with your date per say. I honestly think maybe she is rushing it because she's scared he will walk away again. Yes I agree some probably plays a role around beating you to the alter but honestly the above post said it well... It will be rushed, Unheartfelt and the like. For someone who soooooo badly wanted to marry why the heck would you take a city hall one?

If you and Chester want to change your date I support you 100%. I also feel doing it unannounced is the best way to go. Last thing you need is her changing her date too sigh.

Again I'm sooooo sorry you've been put thru this. You are a smart cookie with a man you've taken the time to know and love and are doing the right thing for you two not because it's a race or a competition or The fad of the week. Be proud of yourself :)


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Edited by calgarybride2015, 12 August 2015 - 05:31 AM.

-Kim

Married on 2015/01/21 at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya with 43 guests in attendance   :)

 

Planning Thread - http://www.bestdesti...s-riviera-maya/

 

Wedding Pictures http://www.bestdesti...ra-maya/page-36

 

Wedding Review http://www.bestdesti...31#entry1885600

 

 


#729 pjay

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 05:35 AM

@calgarybride2015 thank you so much! I definitely agree with your perspective as well. I've told her so many times that she shouldn't rush it and I honestly think that she feels like i'm jealous that she's trying to legally wed before us. Before I even knew what date she was planning, I told her that she should take some time to enjoy being engaged. I think she's on the defense because she thinks that this is what she should do to secure her relationship and she doesn't want to hear what other's have to say about it. It's really really sad because as I had mentioned before, I was always the one who would pick up the pieces when everything would go sour with this guy. She has another best friend who was VERY unsupportive of her relationship with this guy before he had made it official.. now suddenly that friend is supporting her decision to marry the guy so prematurely. It really makes me question HER motives if she will not stand up to her and tell her that she's rushing this marriage and needs to take a step back first. I told my MOH that she has the rest of her life to be married and that I don't understand what the rush is. I also forgot to mention that she recently lost her job as well and keeps complaining about money so I definitely don't understand why she would chose to get married at a time like this when time is not in her favour.


 

My planning thread :
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#730 deecol

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Posted 12 August 2015 - 06:25 AM

@perianjay I feel for you so much girl, so sorry about this!

 

The best advice I can offer and I'm sure I sound like a broken record, is to focus on you and Chester, which sounds like you're already doing by moving your date.  It's so unfortunate you had to move your date to have your own time but in the circumstances I think you did the right thing.  You seem like such a nice person, you don't deserve to feel this way during one of the happiest times of your life.  

 

I agree 100% with @calgarybride2015 - your friend's marriage seems like a rush, She sounds like she's a bit of an attention seeker by jumping in front of your date like that - not fair!  You have a real relationship that you're celebrating by getting married, you're not getting married for the sake of getting married.  I just want to give you a hug!



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