So Close! Convincing The Fiance On A Destination Wedding!

[Everly]

Hello to all the lovely brides!

 

I've been lurking around for the last few weeks. Not being 100% on a DW I was leery on posting. I'm feeling a little more certain on a DW tonight though. 

 

Besides saying hello I wanted to ask for those of you who also had a reluctant FI, how did you convince them(or make them think it was their idea) to have a DW? 

 

I wanted to elope in Hawaii but the FI was against eloping, so its been either a DW or something small locally. Actually locally would be a 4-5 hour drive east to this beautiful ranch. Which would be lovely but I know it will be more work and stress for me (I stress and worry about putting other people out, that is just who I am.) A DW would just be simpler. I don't want to force it on the FI though, I want him to want it. 

 

I think I kinda got through to him a bit though tonight and pointed out to him, that even doing a smaller wedding here in Canada it would still be all that money spent on ONE day.  But if we do a DW its TEN to FOURTEEN days for maybe 6K-10K LESS then doing it locally (Depending on honeymoon resort and the family members we will need to help make the trip). 

 

So for those that had to convince their husbands to be...any tips or ideas?

 

[beckys98]

Congratulations on your engagement! Fortunately, I did not have to convince my fiance on a DW, and he grew up in Jamaica so that was an easy choice! Like you, I did try to convince him to elope, but when else ever in your life are you going to get friends and family to go on vacation together?! There are MANY upsides to the DW, but that is really the clincher for us.

 

My sister got married in Mexico in 2013 and I just cannot explain how fun it is to have everyone relaxing together for multiple days. Especially at an all inclusive where no one has to worry about a thing, it really is a totally unique experience. Many of my friends who had traditional weddings are very envious when they think about how fast their day went by (for all the money) and how they barely got to spend any time with guests - especially guests who traveled to be there.

 

There is just something special about bringing friends from different parts of your life and family together - I assure you by the end of the trip they will all be friends with each other - and you'll benefit from that for the rest of your life! My sister's friends are now friends with our Aunts and cousins on Facebook!

 

Hope that helps a little bit

[TinkerSofi]

Congrats on the engagement! I also didn't have to convince my FI of a DW, but he had to convince me! hahah. I knew for years that he wanted a DW but I also wanted the big flair of a traditional wedding and up until that point the only DW weddings I had seen were really really small and with a dinner at a restaurant as a reception. I definitely did not want that! I also felt really guilty about making people pay that much to come to our wedding and was worried no one would come. 

 

As I started doing research I found that there are many options, you can stick to the small wedding without a private reception, but there are many hotels that let you experience that "traditional wedding" with the amazing backdrop of somewhere tropical. The costs seem a bit cheaper, although by the time you factor in the travel and transporting decorations there, etc. you could have a wedding locally for about the same price, although maybe not as fancy. What really makes DW cheaper is that you have less guests. I guess it also depends on which hotel you choose, some are more affordable than others. What you said is true, you are spending all that money, but you get to spend a week with your guests having a blast! 

 

As for the guest, most of our friends surprised me, most of the people we invited are actually coming! Which is great! When we got engaged I started to run the idea by our friends, and most of them said they would totally come, and they stuck to that! 

 

My fiance didn't want to get married in Canada because he thinks it's depressing that you plan for everything to be outside and that day is like 10 degrees and your plans get ruined. It's true, weather seems to be much more unpredictable here than over there. Technically it could rain there too, but let's hope for the best haha.

 

In the end, I kind of caved in because I knew it was important to him and he wouldn't budge on the topic, whereas I was more flexible and I was happy with a DW as well as a local one. He always wanted to get married by the ocean and I love the ocean too, so it's not like I didn't like the idea, I just had my reservations. The planning is way easier in some regards. I think I would go insane if I had to plan a local wedding! The hardest part is being so far away and not being able to see things and speak with people personally but you kind of get used to that. I'd say if you're a control freak, it might not be a great idea, but if you're willing to put details of the wedding in the hands of people who do this for a living, then it's a lot less stressful. 

 

I don't know if that helps at all. Maybe ask him about what is keeping him from accepting the idea of  a DW? My fears were sort of irrational and easily addressed. The biggest selling point for me was the fact that for the same money we're having a much nicer wedding over there. I did struggle a lot with the guilt for a while, but that has passed now. Most of our guests are booked and now I'm stoked to spend a week with everyone! Maybe his concerns can be easily addressed and he'll be more likely to accept the idea  

Edited January 20, 2015 by TinkerSofi

[rachelia160]

Hell and congratulations!  Here are some of my favorite things about having a DW:

 

1) It's so much simpler to plan since the resort does so much for you.  I don't know about you, but I'm NOT the type of girl who loves planning stuff and doing all kinds of cutsey DIY projects (I wish I was though!) Getting a "menu" where I basically get to check boxes for how I want my wedding to go is ideal for me and has already made things so much easier.  If that sounds kind of like you, you can tell your FI how much easier it would make things on you since you're the one doing the planning!

2) You get to have the people you really want there and not so much worry about your mom's distant cousin twice removed.  Of course, you should have who you really want at your wedding no matter what, but having a DW makes shaving down the guest list a little less awkward.

3) As the previous posters have said, going on vacation with your closest friends and family is the coolest thing ever!  Whenever I talk to friends who are going about it, they are literally giddy with excitement.  I'm so excited to have quality time with these people in my life! Plus, since I'll have so much time with them throughout the week, I feel like my wedding and reception can be a little more about me and my soon to be hubby, instead of having to spend the entire time socializing and thanking everyone--they'll be plenty of time for that throughout the vacation! (Not that I'm going to blow all my guests off during the reception or anything, but you see what I mean).

4) Like you already mentioned, you get to have your "wedding' essentially last an entire week! Like @@TinkerSofi said, at the end of the day, it ends up being about the same price (I also thought it was going to be cheaper too, but it adds up quickly) but I'd much rather spend the same price and get to celebrate for an entire week than all that money on one day! Not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited that I get to ride out being "the bride" for that long

5) As far as putting people out, I think the best thing to do is just to run the idea by the people closest to you (parents, siblings, BFF's) to see if it would be plausible for them.  Our friends and families have all been SO EXCITED about it from the beginning and still are, so they're the exact opposite of put out! (We just hit 50 guests booked, plus us is 52, way more than i expected!) So it would probably help to feel out both of your friends and family to make sure the people you want to be there would be able to make it.

 

No matter what you decide, I hope you get the wedding of your dreams!

[TinkerSofi]

@@rachelia160 I'm so excited to be the bride for a whole week too! haha

[Moments That Matter]

Welcome Everly, and Congrats on your engagement!!! hope your dw becomes a reality and it all works out the very best for all

here's a visual to inspire you further.....with more at this link: Secrets Silversands Wedding Album

 

 

wishing you all the best with your planning decisions - cheers!!! team MTM

[Everly]

Ladies you are awesome! I got all happy and excited reading your responses, just reaffirming for me that this is the way to go!

 

@@beckys98 You are so right! Having this opportunity to bring family and friends together form different parts of our life is pretty amazing.

 

@@TinkerSofi Oh man, when I think about trying to plan a wedding here at home I get a little panic'd, just so much falls on you and the different variables! Ahhhh! DW is definitely more simpler. And lol, that your fiance had to convince you! Happy you came around!

 

@@rachelia160 Oooooh I like the idea of being a bride for a whole week! I normally am not good with attention but I think being away and getting to spread it out over a week will be nice and easier!

 

Okayokay!!  So today I brought it up with the fiance and started bringing up some of the lovely things you all said and guess what? He said yes, lets do it!!!! Wooooooooooooo!!  I was so excited and bouncy afterwards. He likes that we will get more bang for our buck, he said that even if it costs the same as getting married here, it would include more time with the family and friends and especially our honeymoon!  And of course it will be less stressful for me too, which he likes the idea of too.

 

Of course afterwards I was suddenly worried that it would cost more then I thought he said "No, we are doing a destination wedding. No take backs!" lolz.   I guess he just needed to get there and fully appreciate all the fantastic aspects of a destination wedding.

 

...oh man, its kinda surreal now. lol!!  

 

Thank you all so much again for your help! I guess I am official a destination bride to be!!

[beckys98]

I have no idea what prices are like in Canada, but I live in Chicago and our wedding including EVERYTHING (dress, travel, honeymoon, etc.) for 80 people will be about 1/3 the cost of anything we could do in Chicago. And we are paying for a few people.

 

$60-$70k is totally normal here - which is so insane to me!

[tygrrlily]

Yay - glad your FI agreed! 

 

I have no regrets on having a DW at all! I remember leading up to it I'd sometimes question - should I have done the big Toronto wedding? But now that it's all over and done, I have zero regrets and just so many good memories.  It was honestly a week spent in paradise with family and friends.  We feel so close to everyone that came, and I think our wedding was a blast because everyone actually knew each other and just let loose.  So amazing.  I'm biased, but it was definitely the most fun and memorable wedding I've ever been to

 

DWs can also go a couple different ways.   Some people like them because there are preset options, but for those of us that DO like to plan and enjoy the little details, there is still a lot of capability to make it as personal/original as you want - it's really what you make of it .  Hence my frustration sometimes when non-DW people assume DW planning is easier haha - it's just a different type of wedding planning

 

Money is a huge factor as well. We didn't go crazy on our budget but we didn't skimp either... so we had the wedding exactly how we wanted with some cool extras for at least 2-3x less than we would have paid in Toronto - and that would have been for just one day.

 

I think a big thing to think about is also the amount of people you'll have.  While a few ladies here have massive 100+ people DWs, most of us here have pretty intimate affairs of 50 people or less. This personally was a huge plus for me as I don't like being centre of attention and we were able to spend a lot of time with everyone.  I was still definitely "the bride" for the week, but without that spotlight attention (which I hate).  I know some people though relish in attention and they want the huge 300 person affair - so a low DW turnout might be really disappointing for them. 

 

Just some thoughts on the whole DW process.  Glad you found this forum

[TinkerSofi]

@@Everly welcome to the club and happy planning!! Now the search begins for your perfect destination and most importantly, the resort. 

 

I suggest you go through some of these forums from the destination of your choosing and make with your fiance a short list of the "musts" for your hotel. Then find a travel agent to help you sort through resorts and choose the best one for you. You can also have weddings outside of a resort, so make sure to look into those too if that's an option you'd consider. I sort of wish we had looked into those a bit more before committing to a resort, but oh well. 

 

As for travel agents, different ones work closely with different hotels, so they will recommend some over others. This doesn't have so much to do with the fact that they want to make money, but also because they will be able to find a better deal for you from hotels that they work with a lot, so you benefit too! I suggest you speak with different ones and see what they have to offer you and then go from there

I have no idea what prices are like in Canada, but I live in Chicago and our wedding including EVERYTHING (dress, travel, honeymoon, etc.) for 80 people will be about 1/3 the cost of anything we could do in Chicago. And we are paying for a few people.

 

$60-$70k is totally normal here - which is so insane to me!

oh my goodness!! I couldn't even imagine paying that much for a wedding. Over here in Calgary, the average price is probably about 15-20K and that's for a simple, nothing fancy, wedding. Although I know people who would probably spend much more. That's how much it cost for some of my friends.