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jeffandrobyn

Bridal Shower - How To Handle?

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There's some awkwardness surrounding my shower and I don't know how to handle.... any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. 

 

So my best friend was planning a surprise shower for me. It's no longer a surprise because FI slipped but that's another story. She was planning it with the help of another friend, and left our parents out of it. She wanted to plan it herself. My mom passed away, but FI's mom wanted to get involved, so she reached out to my friend. My friend was planning a small-ish shower at her house which I liked. FI's mom looked at the guest list and said she wanted to add a couple of people. She also suggested moving it to a catering hall (not my thing) and said she'd pay for the entire thing. My friend told her I don't like the catering hall she was suggesting. FI's mom doesn't want to step on my friend's toes, but now everyone is in an awkward spot. There's only so much push back my friend can give without being disrespectful and i am not supposed to get involved. all i can do is provide suggestions on how my friend can respond to FI's mom. But like I said, my friend is in a tough spot now... how does this get handled?? 

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Sorry your friend is going thru that!

 

The only thing I can think of is that you ask your fiance to speak to your MIL.   He can let her know that your friend is handling the shower based on discussions you two have had/her knowledge of what you would like and while some of her help is appreciated the 'bones' of the shower have been decided and they aren't going to be changed.

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Ouch. Not fun for sure. Compromise is definitely in the cards for all involved I think!

 

I would suggest firstly that your friend acknowledge that FI's mom is trying to help and that it's appreciated. If there are too many people involved, perhaps FI's mom could host a shower of her own that involves his family? That way she could probably have it at her home instead of a hall? Otherwise, it may be a case of going with the flow. If the slip hadn't happened, you wouldn't know about it anyway, and there wouldn't be much you could say "after the fact" since people are going out of their way to do something special for you. I think you need to let the two ladies sit down together since you aren't supposed to get involved and see what compromises they can come to. You don't want anyone's feelings hurt so maybe letting MIL get involved and pay, even though you don't like the hall, is the easiest route to go. After all, it's only for a couple of hours.

 

Good luck!

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Is there a way to compromise, say at a bigger place that is not a hall, like one of your favorite restaurants? Or does someone have a bigger home?

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@@nadiakat17

 

Unless my MIL is planning to invite all 30+ of her cousines - which I assume she is not since they're not invited to wedding - I'm having trouble figuring out why my friend's house isn't good. My friend can comfortably entertain 40 people. I think we're looking at 25 people. It's just an uncomfortable situation and I feel terrible for my friend. 

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Ah I see. Yes that does make it awkward. I'd say ask your FI to figure out why she wants a different location

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