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How To Politely Tell Guests They Can't Come?

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#1 kellymiller

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Posted 07 January 2015 - 04:13 PM

HI All,


So here is my current dilemma. Our booking deadline was December 19th, so almost three weeks ago. We decided not to chase people for RSVPs because we figure if they wanted to come they book, or at least let us know they would be coming and book later.


So today, January 7th, we had two people (a couple) email our travel agent looking to book for the wedding. The real kicker is that we don't like these two people and only invited them because they were former coworkers of mine. We invited everyone else I worked closely with, and felt we had to invite these two people because we invited everyone else. Not once during the 10 months that our save the dates or invites were out did the mention to us, or anyone else, that they planned on coming to the wedding. I was laid off from my job in mid November, and have only talked to them twice since then, and only because I went out with the other people I use to work with.


So, my question to you all is, how do we politely tell them they can't come to the wedding?!? There is no way I'm having them at our wedding, as we really don't care to ever see these people again. We had a rocky relationship at work, so I'm really not even sure why they would want to come in the first place.


I was thinking of saying something like this: "Thanks for your interest in attending our wedding, unfortunately the booking deadline was December 19th, and since you expressed no interest to us in attending our wedding, we had to assume that you would not be attending. We have submitted our guest list to the resort and are unable to add more people at this point..."


That last part is a lie, as we could add people if we wanted, but we really don't want these two people attending our wedding.



#2 TAkathy

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    Posted 07 January 2015 - 04:31 PM

    You certainly have the right to cut off the guest list at this point - luckily the cut-off point has passed and they do not need to know whether or not their RSVP could be accommodated.  But it is very rude that they waited so long so it is on them.


    I would make the following adjustment (in red) to your reply above:


    "Unfortunately the RSVP and our booking deadline (Dec 19)  have passed. Since we did not receive your RSVP by the deadline, we had to assume that you would not be able to attend.  We have submitted our final guest list to the resort and are sorry that you will not be able to join us.

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    #3 kellymiller

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    • Wedding Date:March 6, 2015
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    • LocationLondon, Ontario

    Posted 07 January 2015 - 04:37 PM

    That sounds better. Thanks Kathy!

    #4 calgarybride2015

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    Posted 07 January 2015 - 04:44 PM

    I agree with Kathy and like her revised wording!


    Since your deadline has passed this makes things a bit easier on you, forsure!   But my question is - did your travel agent put thru their booking or did she call to make sure it was ok with you first?


    I hate to say this, but this is kind of case in point why I would never invite someone who I didn't want to be there and only invited due to circumstance.  You see that on here a lot 'is it rude if I don't invite x' but in your case you did it to save face and they want to come!!!!!!  So for that I think it's easier to just invite people who YOU want there, noone else. It's your wedding and your choice that's forsure.


    Good luck!


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    #5 kellymiller

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    Posted 07 January 2015 - 05:03 PM

    Thanks for the input calgarybride2015. As of right now the guests in question just asked about pricing but haven't book yet. I informed my TA to hold off on booking them yet (if they even reply to her) until we figure out what to say to them.


    We realize that we shouldn't have invited them, but it would have made for an awkward workplace if we hadn't. We know it was totally our fault and have to deal with the consequences :(


    Good luck with your upcoming wedding! I can't wait to hear all about it!

    #6 acw271011

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    Posted 07 January 2015 - 05:52 PM

    I like TAKathy's wording much better. It's a lot more polite. I agree with @calgarybride2015. It is your wedding and you're entitled to invite whoever you please. I realize the deadline has come and gone but I'm old fashioned and I just have a problem with this. Yes - it's extremely rude on their part for not answering or talking to you or anything else but I'm sorry to say I find this a little rude as well. What would you have done if they had accepted months ago and put a deposit down to travel with you? Work relationships are never perfect and there are plenty of times not everyone in an office is included in something that is a personal event. I just don't think it was right to invite them in the first place if you didn't want them there. Probably not what you want to hear.

    I said "yes" again to the love of my life at Grand Coral Beach Club, Playa del Carmen, Mexico on our 4th anniversary - October 20, 2015







    #7 jeffandrobyn

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    Posted 08 January 2015 - 08:16 AM



    Can you blame it on the resort? You could say that the booking deadline has passed and you had to give a final headcount to the resort at that time. Unfortunately there is no flexibility to add people to the list at this point per your wedding coordinator. 

    #8 kellymiller

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    Posted 08 January 2015 - 10:15 AM

    @acw271011 We realize that we shouldn't have invited them in the first place, and it is our fault that we did. If they would have booked ahead of time, we probably would have made a great effort to keep in touch with them after I was laid off from my job. We knew we were running the risk of them coming, but they apparently told one of my other former coworkers that they weren't going to go months ago, so we aren't sure why they had the change of heart so late.


    @jeffandrobyn Yes we are going to say that the deadline has passed and we can't add any more guests as we have submitted our numbers to the resort already.

    #9 nadiakat17

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    • Wedding Location:Puerto Vallarta

    Posted 09 January 2015 - 08:36 AM

    I think just saying there is no way possible to add anyone else due to it being far after the rsvp date should take care of the problem perfectly!

    #10 pykx82

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    Posted 09 January 2015 - 10:36 AM

    I think it's totally reasonable to just say the RSVP deadline has passed and unfortunately you aren't able to add additional guests at this point, sorrynotsorry.  If they really wanted to go they had ample time to decide.  It's not your job to chase people down and make sure they're responding; you have enough to worry about!  I would tell them "you snooze, you lose" and forget about it.  Actually, I'm looking forward to maybe being able to do that to a couple of our invited, haha.

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