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jeffandrobyn

To Invite Or Not To Invite?

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I agree with everything that has been said above and I think it really depends on what you would like to happen to the friendship post wedding. Do you plan on eventually rekindling this friendship or would you be 100% okay with severing ties?

I was in the same situation. She was actually asked to be a bridesmaid and had initially said yes, but then no with a million excuses that were aimed at making me feel guilty about having a DW. Our friendship had been pretty rocky for years but I looked at the whole thing as my last attempt. In the end, I did not send her an invitation. I just refuse to focus any of my energy on negativity during this process. I do have other friends who I knew would not be able to attend, but I sent the invitation regardless.  

 

I agree, there is only so many attempts that can be made.

The girl who I thought was my bestfriend wouldn't even talk to me about my engagement/wedding. The friendship dwindled to nothing shortly after I got engaged.  I gave them an invite but never got a response.  Since it was so strained I didn't even get to ask her to be my MOH.  I tried a couple times (dress shopping, advice, etc.) and I got every lame excuse in the book.  I made one last attempt with having her help plan my bachelorette and got such a ridiculous reply that I gave up and haven't talked to her since June. She also 'forgot' my birthday and I was just over it.   My life feels so much less stress without her in it.     I hate to say that, but it's true.

 

Then I had other drama surrounding invites from another friend -- oddly these two I am talking about are friends (we are all neighbors) so you have to wonder if that is fueled so how between the two of them.  High school drama I say!

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I agree, there is only so many attempts that can be made.

The girl who I thought was my bestfriend wouldn't even talk to me about my engagement/wedding. The friendship dwindled to nothing shortly after I got engaged.  I gave them an invite but never got a response.  Since it was so strained I didn't even get to ask her to be my MOH.  I tried a couple times (dress shopping, advice, etc.) and I got every lame excuse in the book.  I made one last attempt with having her help plan my bachelorette and got such a ridiculous reply that I gave up and haven't talked to her since June. She also 'forgot' my birthday and I was just over it.   My life feels so much less stress without her in it.     I hate to say that, but it's true.

 

Then I had other drama surrounding invites from another friend -- oddly these two I am talking about are friends (we are all neighbors) so you have to wonder if that is fueled so how between the two of them.  High school drama I say!

Exactly!! I found it so uplifting to free myself of it to be honest. I am not one for tit for tat but I busted butt for her wedding. Her MOH was a monumental let down so as her friend I basically scrambled to arrange her bachelorette and wedding shower with another bridesmaid otherwise SHE WOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANY OF IT. I did not expect the same from her because she is a very selfish person but I did expect her to be honest and straightforward. I have so much more respect for those who are honest and come out and say they cant attend because of fiances, children, work, etc. She thought it was the most AMAZING idea until it became time for it to be reality. 

Hey...her loss! More tequila for the rest of us.  :D

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Exactly!! I found it so uplifting to free myself of it to be honest. I am not one for tit for tat but I busted butt for her wedding. Her MOH was a monumental let down so as her friend I basically scrambled to arrange her bachelorette and wedding shower with another bridesmaid otherwise SHE WOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANY OF IT. I did not expect the same from her because she is a very selfish person but I did expect her to be honest and straightforward. I have so much more respect for those who are honest and come out and say they cant attend because of fiances, children, work, etc. She thought it was the most AMAZING idea until it became time for it to be reality. 

Hey...her loss! More tequila for the rest of us.  :D

 

I totally understand where you are coming from. I think when we have people we call friends we expect a certain level of respect, reciprocation, etc.  It is uplifting!

 

You also touch on another point about RSVPing.   Another thing I found annoying - it was amazing how some people could politely say no and state their reason why and life moved on.  But some had to make such drama out of it. Is it really necessary? maybe it made them feel better?     

Weddings amaze me lol

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I totally understand where you are coming from. I think when we have people we call friends we expect a certain level of respect, reciprocation, etc.  It is uplifting!

 

You also touch on another point about RSVPing.   Another thing I found annoying - it was amazing how some people could politely say no and state their reason why and life moved on.  But some had to make such drama out of it. Is it really necessary? maybe it made them feel better?     

Weddings amaze me lol

Yes!!! One of my fiances friends RSVP'ed that she was attending and we were frankly surprised because she lives in another state and we really don't see her much anymore. She put a deposit down and then when the final payment deadline came around she never reached out to the travel agent. I sent her a simple email asking if she was still planning on attending or if she had changed her mind (stating that I understand that things can come up and to make sure to get her deposit back if she could not attend) and she called me in hysterics stating that she has 5 wedding invitations on her fridge right now and she can't do it all. She was asked to be a bridesmaid in 3 of them and that was more important. 

I couldn't help but giggle after I hung up the phone. Please, do tell the bride to be about how YOUR stressed out lol 

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Ugh I know, wedding is really making me rethink the friendships in my life it's kind of ridiculous the reasons they give

 

The amount of people not RSVPing is driving me up a wall too. They are officially due by January 1 , one girl just messaged me and was like I hope I get a few days off to fly down for the weekend .. She better figure this out in the next two wks what is wrong with these "smart" people?!?

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Ugh I know, wedding is really making me rethink the friendships in my life it's kind of ridiculous the reasons they give

 

The amount of people not RSVPing is driving me up a wall too. They are officially due by January 1 , one girl just messaged me and was like I hope I get a few days off to fly down for the weekend .. She better figure this out in the next two wks what is wrong with these "smart" people?!?

 

Wishy washy people all the worst--they don't want to tell you flat out "No," probably because they think they'll hurt your feelings...but I'd rather know for sure either way, and if you can't come, you can't come! Don't spare my feelings by saying "Maybe" until the last second!  

 

Sorry, I'm venting...whenever people ask me how many people I'll be having, the answer is always "Anywhere between 45 and 100" because so few people will commit to an answer! 

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