Invited To Destination Wedding, Guest Allowed, But Not To Ceremony?

[JJCB0418]

I just encountered a strange situation.  Being that the wedding is a vacation for our guests, we addressed our invitations with a guest for our friends that are in and out of relationships being that I wouldn't really know what their status will be when the wedding comes around.  If my friends/family members have been in relationships I addressed the invite with their SO's name.  Now we have guests bringing random friends we've never met or even heard of.  

 

Our one friend who is single did ask before he invited his buddy after trying to figure out who was already invited that he could room with.  I was obviously okay with him bringing his friend since he plans to stay for 6 nights and none of our other friends that are going are able to stay that long.  I wouldn't want him to shorten his trip because I said no.  I still kind of wondered in my head if he was joining at the ceremony/reception, but figured he would be as opposed to sitting around the resort by himself for several hours. 

 

My fiance has two female friends that were invited and are also on and off in relationships.  They decided to come and room together, which is great, but they also told us they are bringing a random friend we don't know.  I think the issue I have with them is that they didn't ask us about it first (they booked and then told us).  I know it comes with the territory of having a "guest", but if I received the invite I would have assumed it was for a boyfriend/girlfriend and not just any friend I'd want to bring.

 

I'm just sucking it up and trying to convince myself that not everyone will do this (I just don't want 30 guests I don't even know at my wedding since I wanted it to be intimate).

[nadiakat17]

This is exactly why I didn't want people I know are very much single to have "and guest" on the invite! unfortunately I don't think people really think about this stuff.  I want my wedding with my best friends and family- and yes, significant others even if I haven't met them if they are big parts of my family/friends lives- but not some random friend. I feel like if they really wanted this, they can at least ask me.

 

to be fair, all the singles that are coming are parts of groups of friends/family so they each have multiple friends coming and are rooming with them. And I feel like if I had given them a guest, likely no one of the people that are coming would take someone random.

[JJCB0418]

I definitely shouldn't have put "and guest" for the singles. I really just didn't think they'd bring a random friend, especially without asking.  I would never do that, especially if the couple didn't know them. 

[nadiakat17]

Yeah, that's the problem, it's amazing what people will do, even people you know well

[calgarybride2015]

I may be in the minority but if you put 'and guest' I think you've given them to permission to invite whoever. It wasn't 'and guest with my written permission only'. Yes most people would probably run it by you but some would think they can bring whoever. When I put 'and guest' I knew it would be whoever and I was ok with that. Why? Because I asked my friends and family to take a week off work and pay $1600 to come to my wedding, they should atleast enjoy it with someone they are comfortable with. I trust my friends judgement, for the most part, whole heartedly. I just see it from the other side

 

 

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Edited December 10, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[TaraMarie33]

I had a bit of a struggle with this one. My fiance and I decided that we would actually INVITE each plus one, so that it would be known that he/she is welcome - but if we didn't know him/her, it wasn't appropriate to bring just "a date". 

 

Therefore our invitations are couple like : Kurt & Megan, you are invited .... etc etc. 

If someone asks or wants to bring an extra person, I would be fine with it - the more the marrier! (pun intended).. But I don't want it to seem like a free for all. 

[nadiakat17]

@@TaraMarie33 this is what I did and I find it perfectly acceptable bc people should def be allowed their SOs but I don't want their random friends. Of course one already asked a random person so people are going to do what they want I guess

[JJCB0418]

My problem solved itself, something happened with the girls and now they decided not to bring her along.  One less random I'll know at the wedding

[beckys98]

If it makes anyone feel any better, I got my current booking list from my travel agent yesterday and there were 2 names neither my fiance or I recognized! Turns out his cousin invited friends and they booked under our reservation without even so much as a mention to us!! And we've never met these people. We clarified with her that they were not invited to the wedding and welcome dinner. I don't really care that they are coming because she is Jamaican and I can understand why she might want to bring friends to Jamaica. But I still can't believe she didn't even think to ask/tell us her intentions!

 

Adventures in wedding planning...ha!

[JenniferH114]

I think it is proper etiquette to invite single guests with a plus one. Most of our guests are married, but there were a few singles and we addressed the invites as "Mr. John Smith and Guest." In my opinion, this is something you automatically include in your budgeting and if you can't afford a few plus ones, then narrow down your guest list. Truthfully, we have an extremely close group of friends so someone bringing a total random would not even be a concern for me, but I think it's tacky to start dictating who your guests can bring and/or then tell the guest to sit in the hotel room (or wherever) on the wedding night. Our guests are paying in the $2500-$3000 range for two people. We will gladly pay for their guest's plate, should they choose to bring one, and we will all have an amazing night celebrating together!

Edited January 28, 2015 by JenniferH114