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jeffandrobyn

Anyone Else Have Bridesmaids That They Don't Really Want?

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I'm sorry to hear about that predicament! She should have just said no if she was going to act like that! but as you mentioned, I guess that is just her personality so can't be surprised. The more we get into the planning and doing things for the wedding, sometimes I wish we didn't have a bridal party at all and just had the two of us! As it is I have my best friend, his 2 sisters, and a guy friend of mine who will be standing with me while FI has his brother, my brother, and 2 of his friends. Thankfully I have had no issues with his sisters at all. In fact is my best friend who is MOH that is driving me nuts.  She has been flaky, missed both the bridesmaid dress shopping trip and my dress shopping trip, after we had planned them months in advance. His sister is taking over a lot of MOH duties which makes me wish I had just picked her for that role to begin with. Ugh. this wedding stuff can be stressful haha!

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I personally would not have asked sis in law, unless you guys are really close. I am including his 2 sisters as bridesmaids and my brother will be one of his groomsmen and we are leaving it at that. In laws are not a shoe in to be in the bridal party, even some relatives can be excluded. His sisters spouse is not in our wedding because he is just that, his sister's spouse. We have no other history. Don't feel bad about not including everyone. Your bridal party should be those who you have relied on in the darkest and happiest of all hours.

 

The problem is that she would've been the only one left out then. It would've caused drama. I'd rather she look like the bad guy than me. There's FI's sister, then FI asked her husband to be a groomsman, then there's his brother, who is best man. Everyone would've been included except her. :( 

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@@jeffandrobyn I'm a repeat BM (think 27 dresses, no joke). I've been in BPs that are quite large, and BPs that are quite small. This is YOUR wedding, your day. It's a sticky situation because she's technically family (or will be). Nothing makes a wedding process more terrible than an awful BM. I'm sorry. I wouldn't walk on eggshells for her because that will make it more stressed out, but I would just keep her on a need to know basis. Ie: THIS is the type of dress, color you will be wearing, if you don't like it, feel free to step down.

Good luck!

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I'm so not the right person to get into this kind of thing. I feel so badly for all of you young ladies that get put into situations like this. It's just so unfair. Life is too short for this kind of thing. Why do we worry so much about pleasing everyone else?

 

I think I'm too old.... I just put them in their place and if anyone takes issue with it, well too bad. It's your wedding and you're entitled to not have to put up with other people's nastiness. Is it really that bad if the bridal party is uneven? Or perhaps FI could shed a body and just have an MOH and BM? Is he aware of the garbage that you're being put through? If not, I would let him know. And I would tell her flat out - suck it up or out you go. Maybe that's the big problem. Nobody has put her in her place.

 

Good luck!

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@@acw271011 I agree. You'd be surprised how quickly people change their behaviour once they're put in their place. I think think this is one of those once in a lifetime experiences (even if you end up getting married twice, it will be different ;) ) and no one should make you feel bad about it. She always has the choice to step down if she doesn't like it, and honestly I would rather have uneven numbers than a person in my wedding party ruining the moment for me. 

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We decided to choose only a Best Man and Maid of Honour.  We didn't want to choose between our friends and or siblings in law.  We both chose our best mates and that was it.  However in my case, I do have another girlfriend who has been so amazing with helping me organize that I have given her the honorary bride's maid title!  lol she would rather keep it that way and not be an actual bride's maid so i will be gifting her to show my thanks.

 

I wish you lots of strength to get through this time with your sis in law.  Sounds like she may be a little jealous that you are entering the family and she likes being the only sister in law.  This is your day and you don't need to include her on all the planning and dress finding visits if you don't want, especially if she causes you this much grief.  

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