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calgarybride2015

What To Do... Other People You Know Staying At Your Resort

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Thanks everyone. Sounds like a lot of us have close situations. I told my fiancé I want to stay under 50 people and we are at 45. I chose 50 for a few reasons. I told him that we have a few couples outstanding that we ok'd to be last minute due to their finances, situation at the time, etc but we did cap
It at October as final numbers need to go in. I said how bad would it feel to accept this cousin's sister then decline someone you invited as you hit your 'cap' with someone not invited. He agreed 100% and will tell them that the offer isn't off the table (for lack of better terms) but since we have a few invited guests outstanding it will be a wait and see. I think this is fair?!? Like was said above - we feel Like jerks and totally shouldn't.

 

Also I could go above 50 if I want but at this point 45 is at our breaking point budget wise. I know we can come up with another $200 (found out last night too that finally a groomsmen confirmed he's bringing a guest) but what if all our 'last minute invites' decide to come. We could be looking at 9-13 extra people and that's way over budget lol I increased my budget once as we had more people RSVP then I'd have ever guessed. I plan to have my wedding saved by November and again could save more but also want wiggle room for unexpected. I feel we will probably accept her but wanna make sure no other last minutes book first.

Thanks again and good luck to everyone.

Edited by calgarybride2015

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I feel for you my dear, I really do. The same sort of thing happened to me (on top of the bridesmaid dress drama too if you can believe). I invited my friend to come, just her and her husband and then all of a sudden I get a call from my TA asking me if it's ok that they take 7 seats. So she invited her mom, dad, sister, sister's wife and daughter along for a family vacation (aka they are paying for her and her husband) I was peeved she didn't say anything (not that it was a family vacation but that she didn't even ask about the seats that were on reserve) but let it go as most people had booked already..

 

THEN, she tells me at our engagement party that her husband can't make it anymore, so her mother in law is coming to Mexico. Whatever, not a big deal. Hear from my friend that she is planning on bringing her mother in law as her date for our wedding reception. So I questioned her on it because, maybe this makes me a bridezilla but I do not want a stranger I do not know at my wedding. Especially when we had to cut the guest list as is. Obviously it's different if it was a husband I had not met or she knew NOONE at our wedding. However, our whole group of friends will be there and it's one night. So I put down my foot and told her she either has to come by herself, or bring her mom(who we all know) but that her mother in law is not allowed.

 

Anyway - wanted to share my story to show that you are not alone in this. I don't get where people get off on making it all about themselves. I get that people want to make it a family vacation, they should be allowed to but the rightful thing it to ask.

Edited by Mrsktobe

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I think it all depends on whether this is family or not. If it's cousins and one is invited, it's definitely rude not to invite others, even if they are people you don't talk to. It's more rude to exclude than include, and a lot of times if it's someone you dont' talk to they will decline anyway. But at least you took the high road and were polite enough to ask.

 

If it's friends of someone else, my vote is no go. So what if everyone knows them. That doesn't mean they're family and if they aren't your besties, then step outta the line. I wouldn't be pressured into inviting people that someone else knows. If you aren't close enough to them to actually put them on YOUR invited guest list and if they weren't close enough to parents to put them on THEIR invited guest list, then they shouldn't be included, and I would say sorry. No can do.

 

Just my 2 cents......

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In my opinion "family" can be a relative term - I invited only 1 of my mom's 4 siblings, and also invited the kids of those not invited (in other words, I invited cousins and not their parents). I gave it careful consideration but I honestly don't want them there. I'd rather spend our budget on people who truly love and support us and will continue to throughout our marriage. There are people I share no blood with who I consider family. I think your wedding is your ONE day where you get to do what you want and whatever feels right and not make pleasing others your highest priority.

 

We have definitely told people that they are welcome to bring friends or other people to Jamaica with them, they just won't be with us for the mere 5 hours that is the wedding. It is such a small portion of the whole week, so the more the merrier the rest of the trip!

 

I do think people don't realize there is a cost per person for the wedding. I have found they assume "all-inclusive" includes the wedding. I sure wish that was the case but, alas...

 

 

 

I think it all depends on whether this is family or not. If it's cousins and one is invited, it's definitely rude not to invite others, even if they are people you don't talk to. It's more rude to exclude than include, and a lot of times if it's someone you dont' talk to they will decline anyway. But at least you took the high road and were polite enough to ask.

 

If it's friends of someone else, my vote is no go. So what if everyone knows them. That doesn't mean they're family and if they aren't your besties, then step outta the line. I wouldn't be pressured into inviting people that someone else knows. If you aren't close enough to them to actually put them on YOUR invited guest list and if they weren't close enough to parents to put them on THEIR invited guest list, then they shouldn't be included, and I would say sorry. No can do.

 

Just my 2 cents......

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I feel for you my dear, I really do. The same sort of thing happened to me (on top of the bridesmaid dress drama too if you can believe). I invited my friend to come, just her and her husband and then all of a sudden I get a call from my TA asking me if it's ok that they take 7 seats. So she invited her mom, dad, sister, sister's wife and daughter along for a family vacation (aka they are paying for her and her husband) I was peeved she didn't say anything (not that it was a family vacation but that she didn't even ask about the seats that were on reserve) but let it go as most people had booked already..

 

THEN, she tells me at our engagement party that her husband can't make it anymore, so her mother in law is coming to Mexico. Whatever, not a big deal. Hear from my friend that she is planning on bringing her mother in law as her date for our wedding reception. So I questioned her on it because, maybe this makes me a bridezilla but I do not want a stranger I do not know at my wedding. Especially when we had to cut the guest list as is. Obviously it's different if it was a husband I had not met or she knew NOONE at our wedding. However, our whole group of friends will be there and it's one night. So I put down my foot and told her she either has to come by herself, or bring her mom(who we all know) but that her mother in law is not allowed.

 

Anyway - wanted to share my story to show that you are not alone in this. I don't get where people get off on making it all about themselves. I get that people want to make it a family vacation, they should be allowed to but the rightful thing it to ask.

 

I read this before when you posted it and I totally agree.  It's one thing to bring your family, but to take all your spots. Proud of you for putting your foot down!  I agree, my sister is bringing her boyfriend that I know of, but haven't met -- but my family has so I am ok with it.  A girl I invited wanted to find a boyfriend and invite him before the wedding - I was so uncomfortable with this as not only does she not really know him, neither do I.  Luckily I capped her at Oct 1 and it's mid August and she isn't dating anyone, so even if she met someone next week you can't ask them within a month of dating -- well I guess you can, but IMO that's kind of nuts! lol! So hope that's a non issue.  It's a tough balance because she knows noone else coming to the wedding well, except a night out once in a blue moon, but a new boyfriend she barely knows? ugh tough call.

I think it all depends on whether this is family or not. If it's cousins and one is invited, it's definitely rude not to invite others, even if they are people you don't talk to. It's more rude to exclude than include, and a lot of times if it's someone you dont' talk to they will decline anyway. But at least you took the high road and were polite enough to ask.

 

If it's friends of someone else, my vote is no go. So what if everyone knows them. That doesn't mean they're family and if they aren't your besties, then step outta the line. I wouldn't be pressured into inviting people that someone else knows. If you aren't close enough to them to actually put them on YOUR invited guest list and if they weren't close enough to parents to put them on THEIR invited guest list, then they shouldn't be included, and I would say sorry. No can do.

 

Just my 2 cents......

 

My fiance has easily over 100 cousins, we can't invite everyone!  He picked the ones he talks with and spends time with the most.   This person I am referring to is his cousin's sister.  I don't feel bad whatsoever we didn't invite her. And she doesn't either. It's just the odd situation we have been put into.    And - thinking more about it - even if we did it at home, she still wouldn't be on the invite list.   God that sounds rude but it's true.

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@@calgarybride2015  My fiancé has a huuuge family as well. He is picking the closest to him but he has 3 families - mom, dad, stepmom - so he feels obligation to invite many more people. He also wants to invite almost everyone who's wedding he has attended. He insists on sending save the dates with booking info to households as there are many households where multiple family members live. Needless to say....I'm concerned about this as I do not want EVERYONE to decide to come. He insists that many won't be able to go, he is sending these out just as a courtesy so they receive something.....he sure as hell better be right about this....

 

Ideally I wouldn't want many people that I don't know there, but I gave all of my singles plus ones and my fiancé has many friends who I haven't met. However, given the environment we will all have a good time so I'm not too concerned about this. 

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I am currently in the same situation as well. My future SIS has invited about 15 other people to come to Cabo the week that we are there for the wedding. I have made it very clear that we can't afford to pay for everyone to come ($100 extra pp) and that even if we could, this our one day to be surrounded by those who love us, not people who want to come for the party. It sounds selfish but I would NEVER do that at her wedding. And aren't you there to spend time with us (we are very close friends)? It is a hard situation but I strongly believe in putting your foot down. It is your wedding and only happens once so make sure it goes the way you want it to.

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I am currently in the same situation as well. My future SIS has invited about 15 other people to come to Cabo the week that we are there for the wedding. I have made it very clear that we can't afford to pay for everyone to come ($100 extra pp) and that even if we could, this our one day to be surrounded by those who love us, not people who want to come for the party. It sounds selfish but I would NEVER do that at her wedding. And aren't you there to spend time with us (we are very close friends)? It is a hard situation but I strongly believe in putting your foot down. It is your wedding and only happens once so make sure it goes the way you want it to.

Are all 15 actually going? Wow.

 

 

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We don't know as they all verbally say "Oh yeah we are going" when we have seen them at get togethers (which is akward....HELLO we didn't even invite you and your talking about coming down during our wedding!). Whether they go or not is up to them we just are going to make it very clear what functions are for who we invited to the wedding (Goingto the spa beforehand, getting ready, "Welcome/Rehearsal" dinner, wedding ceremony, breakfast the morning after, etc.). Where do you draw the line though? Our wedding is on the beach and you can see the area from the pool so what do we say...oh by the way please don't sit by the pool this afternoon so you  can't watch our wedding? But I feel like some may do this and it seems like it would feel like getting married on a public beach where whoever wants to can witness your wedding.

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We don't know as they all verbally say "Oh yeah we are going" when we have seen them at get togethers (which is akward....HELLO we didn't even invite you and your talking about coming down during our wedding!). Whether they go or not is up to them we just are going to make it very clear what functions are for who we invited to the wedding (Goingto the spa beforehand, getting ready, "Welcome/Rehearsal" dinner, wedding ceremony, breakfast the morning after, etc.). Where do you draw the line though? Our wedding is on the beach and you can see the area from the pool so what do we say...oh by the way please don't sit by the pool this afternoon so you  can't watch our wedding? But I feel like some may do this and it seems like it would feel like getting married on a public beach where whoever wants to can witness your wedding.

 

I doubt the 15 will all come when push comes to shove, but I totally feel your frustration. 

I don't even know if I have 15 people I would just randomly ask to come to Mexico at one given moment - sure I have all my family but I just can't believe she asked 15! people! 

You could just be blunt and say, this wedding is about me and your brother.  I think it's great that your friends are coming and you are having a fun week but I'd like to have my wedding day for just us. I hope you can appreciate and respect that.

 

And as I type that it sounds so easy, but I know it's not because I am still torn over my issue!

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