@Tiffany1221 My (other) BFF, who was also kind of annoyed at what the first one said, mentioned she thought/felt that i/we should pay for off site guests to attend - which is why I posed the question in the first place. But I agree with you, before this website (and a couple of others) I assumed the proper etiquette would be to pay, but it seems with DW the rules of etiquette change a lot, especially with a/inc. resorts.
@kmk2016 I did not realize that most resorts will not allow you to leave children in the care of a baby sitter while they go off site! Totally understandable though, because what if something happens.
@calgarybride2015 @TiffanyMC I know that having it at an adults only resort/having an adults only wedding will make it for difficult for people to attend. When doing my guest list, I did not count those people in the numbers of people being able to make it. However, I do think it will eliminate (to a degree) some of the drama I know will come up.
Of the friends with kids, there are at least two-three couples who, even if we had our weddding in the states and it was an "adults only wedding' would STILL try and bring their kids. And of those two-three couples, only one has well behaved kids. And, at least one of them, has in the past done everything she can to try and bring her child to friend's weddings. I know it will be an inconvenience for people to come, and that this might be one of the reasons why, but I'm/we're okay with that.
Now there you're getting into a totally different situation, and that can really get awkward. Our AHR was no kids, but only because we have grandchildren, and it was my husband that said no. He felt that we should enjoy our party and he knew darned well that I would have at least one kid in my arms if we did allow them. The other thing, I have grandsons that can be "hell on wheels" sometimes. They aren't properly watched and controlled and don't have manners at all. Our room had floor to ceiling windows along one entire wall and we really were afraid that if the boys got tearing around the way they usually do that there would be some kind of accident, and we just weren't prepared to allow it. So we said no kids. Everyone made their respective arrangements and it all worked out just find.
But absolutely you will get people that think "oh no not my kids". That is where you will need to make some decisions. If they show up with the kids what do you do? I would advise being forthright and up front that there will not be place settings for children. A word of warning though.... you're going to get kids. Maybe set up a separate room where there is a babysitting service? Or individually talk to the parents that you know will try and bring them and be honest and up front and say "we're really sorry but we've made the decision to not have children as part of our wedding. we understand if that means you won't be able to make it but it's the decision we've made". then stick to it. Don't turn around and have a ring bearer and flower girl because you're just insulting your guests.
Good luck!! I'm glad we didn't have to deal with this!!