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Family Being Awful About Wanting A Mexico D/w. Help :(


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#11 Mandiesue

  • Jr. Member
  • 309 posts
  • Wedding Date:April 1, 2015
  • Wedding Location:Dreams La Romana
  • LocationDominica Republic

Posted 29 July 2014 - 07:30 AM

Its about you and your fiance. We are having our wedding in the Dominican Republic without the presence of a Step-mother, set of grandparents, and my brother and his family. I gave them 15 months notice that this is what we were doing so they have amble time to save. Unfortunately they aren't coming and I understand. Its about us and what we want. We both sat down oneday and discussed if would still be happy if we were the only 2 people standing on the beach... We said "YES". Everyone else is a bonus to the day.


Relax and enjoy marrying your perfect guy at your perfect location. Best wishes!

#12 AllieH

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  • 2,014 posts
  • Wedding Date:November 5, 2012
  • Wedding Location:El Dorado Royale, Riviera Maya MX
  • LocationAtlanta, GA

Posted 29 July 2014 - 07:51 AM

one more thing I'll add: when I've talked with friends who are in the midst of planning a wedding stateside, 90% of them say "I wish we'd done a destination wedding!!!". And none of my friends who have done a DW have regretted it. 


Official El Dorado Royale/El Dorado Casitas Royale Thread <---check here for all info about EDR/EDCR

Wright Travel Agency <--for all your Destination Wedding needs! Contact the experts and reduce your stress. 

El Dorado Royale Brides Thread <---come chat with other EDR brides

AllieH's EDR 11-5-2012 Planning Thread <--because it was so awesome

#13 Sophiaone95

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    Posted 29 July 2014 - 11:39 AM

    Wow! I wasn't expecting so much support! For a while I thought maybe I was being too selfish with the whole D/W thing, but you all changed that. I appreciate all your thoughts & they really help put everything into perspective.. Thank you all so so much!!! Wish I could hug you all!!!! Thank you @Maggietron, @kmk2016, @Lilian84, @peachykeen159, @calgarybride2015, @AllieH, @TAkathy, @Sarahop81, @shevette925, @Mandiesue!! Such a wonderful group of ladies you all are!


    I just hope we're not too late on invites so that those wanting to come have enough time to save up & ask off work(if needed). Is 7-8 months typically too short of a notice?


    And to be honest.. I still carry this guilt on me if something were to happen to someone there, especially after family members have brought it up.... I think I just need to pray very hard everything turns out well & nothing negative occurs.  


    AllieH, Calgary, Sarahup81, MandieSue: It's comforting to hear your experiences as you four have gone/are going through this same thing, however I am very sorry & not happy to hear that ya'll had to deal with this same type of thing as I know how heartbreaking & what a burden you can feel from it all. I'm glad you all stood for what you & your fiance ultimately wanted. I am very sorry for those that could not make it to your weddings... But it's true, those that want & can be there, will be there. And it makes me feel sooo *much* better that no one regrets their decision. Fiance and I really need to sit down & decide if we would be okay with some of our family members not being able to make it. I feel like most of them would come through (some more so than others.. and many out of “obligation”), but there's no guarantee so we need to face the fact it could happen. I have done all I can for these family members, so if they can't do this for us, then it is what it is. I've tried explaining to our family that we would never take them somewhere we felt was unsafe & put them in that predicament, but they are still kind of stuck in their ways.


    AllieH-I'm so glad your parents decided to make the trip & had the best time. That's unfortunate about your sister, but yes it is her loss! And the last post you sent me kind of sealed the deal on the whole D/W ;). Thank you for that! I'm also glad to hear you haven't had a single problem in the last 3 times you've visited. Thank you so much for your help & congrats on your marriage!!!


    Sarahup81- You are completely right about Chicago! Ironic right? I get where you’re coming from as we live just a few short hours from the border & our families have the mindset that the whole country is probably unsafe due to what goes on. I keep explaining we're flying *over* the border away from this area, but they just keep listening to everything negative they read or hear. That's also a great point about it being more about having a vacation together, rather than just a wedding. I've tried to explain this, but I think we need to bring it up more in our conversations. Some people try not to see it as a “vacation” because it’s not where they would choose, but I wouldn’t have chosen this destination if I felt everyone wouldn’t enjoy it. I just KNOW they would have at least somewhat of a good time once there. Great points again, Thank you!! And congrats & best wishes for your wedding day! Let me know how it goes!


    MandieSue- "We both sat down oneday and discussed if would still be happy if we were the only 2 people standing on the beach... We said "YES". Everyone else is a bonus to the day." <~ Such a great point & so happy you two came to that conclusion! Melts my heart :). I hear Punta Cana is stunning! Let us know how it is! All the best to both of you & thank you for your kind words!


    Calgarybride- I'm so glad your dad came around!!! That's kind of how it was with both our parents, but they know they can't stop us, so they would rather be there, then not be present thankfully. I’m positive our sister & her family would come to Vegas, as they go all the time. And I used to be able to picture us getting married there, but for some reason I can’t anymore. Also, if we do it in the US, it means we have to invite a lot more people, which of course means the cost will go up substantially & it’s already more expensive there to begin with. We also want to keep our wedding smaller & more intimate with only those close to us there. You are so right about every country being unsafe.. Every country has it’s good & bad areas, as well as people. Some worse than others, but there’s a chance of something happening anywhere you go, or even don’t go for that matter! I think you just have to use your best judgment as much as possible. I wish I was a superhero that could predict things, but I’m not! I tried explaining about the different areas of Mexico to our families..And luckily I know it’s gotten through to them just a little. My fiancé also came across some chart that stated how US was more dangerous than Mexico in certain aspects. Thank you again for all your help. Best of luck with your wedding & congrats :D!!


    XOXO to you all! Can't thank you enough!!!

    At the beginning of our engagement, I told myself I wouldn't be one of those brides who stresses out & makes things complicated.. But now look at me! Yikes. lol.

    #14 VegasBride121314

    • Jr. Member
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    • Wedding Date:November 13, 2014
    • Wedding Location:LasVegas, NV
    • LocationBay Area, California

    Posted 29 July 2014 - 11:40 AM

    Do Mexico! And don't take money from your parents if you decide to stay in the states. When people contribute to a wedding they feel as if they have right to an opinion! SHUT IT DOWN...otherwise you'll hate yourself and your family!

    Love over 50 is still LOVE!!!

    Invitations out! RSVPs in

    Us, them (bridal party), + 48 guests!! 


    #15 Mandiesue

    • Jr. Member
    • 309 posts
    • Wedding Date:April 1, 2015
    • Wedding Location:Dreams La Romana
    • LocationDominica Republic

    Posted 29 July 2014 - 11:42 AM

    Do Mexico! And don't take money from your parents if you decide to stay in the states. When people contribute to a wedding they feel as if they have right to an opinion! SHUT IT DOWN...otherwise you'll hate yourself and your family!

    I totally agree with this statement. We have paid for everything and therefore it's what we want. Opinions are welcome as always!!!

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    #16 TinkerSofi

    • Sr. Member
    • 2,217 posts
    • Wedding Date:August 13, 2015
    • Wedding Location:Azul Fives Playa del Carmen
    • LocationCanada

    Posted 29 July 2014 - 11:48 AM

    I really feel for you. I struggle with the guilt of a DW everyday. Not because anyone is stressing me out but because I feel bad for asking people to pay that much to go to my wedding. The way I see it is, people will spend that money on a vacation anyway, you're just asking them to come where you're having your wedding. Your sister's arguments are totally invalid, random acts of violence occur anywhere (Mexico, Vegas, Europe) when traveling you just have to have common sense. I think you have to put your foot down and say that you don't care what they think, this is your wedding and just like you didn't have a say in theirs they should respect your and your fiance's decision. If you don't see yourself getting married anywhere else then don't budge because you will regret it your whole life. I really doubt they won't come and if they don't for such a silly reason then maybe it was for the best (imagine dealing with them when little things go wrong along the trip. Things do go wrong, there's no such thing as the perfect vacation)

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    #17 TheBHolders

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    • 363 posts
    • Wedding Date:June 17, 2016
    • Wedding Location:Moon Palace Cancun
    • LocationPennsylvania

    Posted 29 July 2014 - 12:09 PM

    I'm sorry, I didn't read your whole post. But, I will say... DO NOT care what other people say or think. Those that will be there, will be there.


    My fiance and I LOVE Playa del Carmen, my first time going I was nervous. We first went in December, are going back in September, and when we have our wedding it will be our third trip. I felt safer in Playa del Carmen than I do in Philadelphia. The people are amazing and the experience is AMAZING. I recommend you take a trip to the area first, if you can and maybe find a groupon deal for a cheap trip. My fiance have gone back and forth about our decision, but we say this... When we were in Mexico in December all we could think of was how awesome it would be to share this experience with family and friends and what better way than a destination wedding. We said that this is what we would ultimately want and I cant picture myself walking down any other aisle than that on a beach. Also, no one is shelling out money to pay for our wedding so why should we go broke for something that we dont ultimately want. It is YOUR DAY. My one friend wanted a DW and settled for Ocean City, MD and she told me she deeply regrets listening to her family. At the end of the day, do what you guys want. Don't start your marriage bowing down to the wishes of others. I suggest you say something like "This is what we decided would make us the happiest to celebrate our marriage, we welcome all who can attend to enjoy a vacation with us and those that cant, we understand that everyone wont be able to attend but this is our wish and as my__________ I would hope that you would like to see me happy and wish me the best on my wedding day"

    So far 79 adult guests + bride and groom + 13 kids = 164 room nights. Focused on planning without stressing.




    #18 Sophiaone95

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    • 6 posts

      Posted 29 July 2014 - 01:36 PM

      You are all SO right. I think I’d kick myself & have A LOT of regrets after all is said in done if we went against what we want for our special day just to please others.  I’ve done this a lot in other aspects of my life, and have ended up with many regrets. All of you have really helped me realize not to take that route again. Thank you!


      Thanks @VegasBride121314 (I LOVE your wedding date btw J) & @Mandiesue. Good point!! That’s how we feel & another reason why we don’t want anyone paying. Congratulations & best of luck to you both :D!


      Hi @TinkerSofi – The guilt of making everyone pay was making me feel awful too. I almost made myself forget the destination wedding, because of that & these other problems I’m dealing with. It’s tough not to feel a little selfish when asking others to pay so much money to come to the wedding. However, we need to remember we’re not forcing anyone to go & it is a vacation like you said! My sister would like to think I’m “forcing her” because she feels obligated to go as my sister, but if they don’t want to go, then they don’t have to! I already told her the other day they don’t need to come, only because I was so fed up with the way she has been acting (even though deep down through everything, I would truly love to have her & her family there). Such great points in your post & it made me feel a million times better. Thanks a ton and I wish you the best with your wedding!!!


      Hi @TheBHolders- I don’t blame you.. My post was long! Lol. *Everything* you mentioned was exactly why we want to have it there (and we even got engaged there :D!). And what a coincidence… Our third trip will be for our wedding too :D! After being there, it’s hard for me to truly imagine getting married anywhere else either. It’s our family holding us back with negative thoughts & making me feel guilty if something happens. The end of your post was just perfect. I almost cried. That’s the perfect thing for me to say? Thank you so so much! Congratulations & I wish you all the best with your wedding.

      @TAKATHY- Thank you for all those great tips! Really good info. I will tell my sister about the notarized letter- Thanks for bringing that up! Luckily it's not for her infant.. It's for her older daughter, but she will still need it!


      @Shevette925- Great tips also, thank you! I will definitely put some safety tips out there for guests, though will be cautious of what I say in order to not encourage more anxiety.(good point!!) Thanks again!! 


      Best of luck to everyone on here!!! And congratulations to those who have tied the knot already :D!!! I'm excited after reading all these posts.. Something I lost a while back due to all the negativity I was receiving. So thank you all :wub: !!!

      #19 Lilian84

      • Jr. Member
      • 172 posts
      • Wedding Location:Florida
      • LocationMontreal, Canada

      Posted 29 July 2014 - 06:26 PM

      @Sophiaone95 You should definitely do what makes you happy. If you ever start feeling guilty or feel like you will cave, post something here and one of us will kick your butt right back on the Mexico route again :) 

      I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

      #20 IvanLuckiePhotography

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      • 183 posts

        Posted 29 July 2014 - 10:33 PM

        @Sophiaone95 I have been here in Playa del Carmen for 5 years, there are more kidnaping in Phoenix than in Mexico, It is unsafe in more neighbour hoods in New York that in Mexico, in the 5 years I have never seen anything that you wrote on your post.


        I have done around 450 or more weddings and I do not know a single person having such problems while they are here.


        You and your family can come Mexico because It is safe.


        Only the border with USA is dangerous, but this is another story.


        Happy planning!!!

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