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Family Members Inviting Their Friends To Your Dw?


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#1 hyoungquist

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Posted 10 June 2014 - 05:22 PM

Hi There! So I am not yet officially engaged but am planning to get married next summer. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and already ordered a ring which is on its way. We have shared the news with ONLY direct family members. Right in front of us, my future SIL has been inviting all of her friends and saying this is going to be her vacation! Not just oh, "you should come to Cabo with us"....its, "my brother is getting married and you should come!" I am literally blown away. It is really uncomfortable when she does it right in front of us (this has happened three times already and its only been 2 weeks!) and I am not sure how to approach her about this. Yes she is taking time off work and wants to have a vacation BUT at the same time, we are only inviting our closest family and friends which is less then 30 people. We will have about three days that we want to have stuff planned to spend with our guests and don't really feel that it is appropriate that her friends come and "join" even if it is just all of us walking downtown or going out. In my opinion it is about our two families bonding and spending this intimate time together NOT about a huge party and everyone who wants to come is invited! I just am lost about how to approach her about this without her blowing up (she is very controlling and wants everything her way but its not her wedding!). Also, I ordered a dress and am keeping it at her house and found out that she has shown pretty much every single person that has come over and I haven't even gotten to show my own sister yet. Help!!!



#2 kellymiller

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Posted 10 June 2014 - 05:48 PM

First, congrats on the upcoming wedding, and engagement!

 

That is awful that your SIL is acting that way. I'm guessing that an outright confrontation with her is out of the picture, as you said she is very controlling. Could you get your fiancée to talk to her about it? Like you said in your post, you just need to explain to her that you both want this as a bonding experience for your families and for it to be small and intimate. Maybe you can tell her that she is welcome to invite her friends to come down once the wedding is over?

 

I can't believe that she is showing off YOUR dress to everyone! That is infuriating! You definitely have to move it so she stops! 

 

Good luck with the rest of your planning!



#3 dreamweddings

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    Posted 10 June 2014 - 07:16 PM

    Hi There! So I am not yet officially engaged but am planning to get married next summer. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and already ordered a ring which is on its way. We have shared the news with ONLY direct family members. Right in front of us, my future SIL has been inviting all of her friends and saying this is going to be her vacation! Not just oh, "you should come to Cabo with us"....its, "my brother is getting married and you should come!" I am literally blown away. It is really uncomfortable when she does it right in front of us (this has happened three times already and its only been 2 weeks!) and I am not sure how to approach her about this. Yes she is taking time off work and wants to have a vacation BUT at the same time, we are only inviting our closest family and friends which is less then 30 people. We will have about three days that we want to have stuff planned to spend with our guests and don't really feel that it is appropriate that her friends come and "join" even if it is just all of us walking downtown or going out. In my opinion it is about our two families bonding and spending this intimate time together NOT about a huge party and everyone who wants to come is invited! I just am lost about how to approach her about this without her blowing up (she is very controlling and wants everything her way but its not her wedding!). Also, I ordered a dress and am keeping it at her house and found out that she has shown pretty much every single person that has come over and I haven't even gotten to show my own sister yet. Help!!!

    Hello hyoungquist,

     

    As wedding planners in the Rivera Maya,  The best way is for you and your fiancee to sit down with your SIL and explain to her she can invite her friends but they cannot come to the events planned by you. explain your vision to her, especially since this is really your day not hers.   I would definitely move dress to  your sister´s place instead. 


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    #4 stefadile

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    Posted 11 June 2014 - 12:43 AM

    Oh my goodness, that's sounds terrible... Can you get your Fiancé to talk to her? And explain while yes it'll be a vacation, the main focus of going there is for your Wedding day, and she can make plans when its all over. After all it's your day, not her's.... sounds like she's acting very childish.I would definitely move your dress!!!

    Edited by stefadile, 11 June 2014 - 12:44 AM.


    #5 ASAtobe

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    Posted 11 June 2014 - 07:27 AM

    I would try to get your fiance to talk to her and I would MOVE MY DRESS!! That would make me so mad! Maybe you can tell her that people are welcome to come to cancun but as far as wedding events you didn't want to have to pay for more people to come because they aren't free!



    #6 kmk2016

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    Posted 11 June 2014 - 07:36 AM

    It sounds like she is super excited for you and is totally unaware that she is overstepping! Tread lightly... She sounds like she means well- she probably doesn't understand your vision of a small intimate wedding or that private events still cost $$ at an all inclusive. If you and your FI explain it in a way that she will understand without being hurt I'm sure she will understand.

    As for the dress, id tell her that you heard she's been showing it off and that you know it's beautiful and you are excited too- but you want to keep it a surprise for everyone and want it to stay hidden going forward. Let her know if it makes it easier not to be tempted to keep taking peeks in front of other people; you can move it.

    It just sounds like she is über excited about your wedding and isn't being malicious in her excitement- just a bit naiive.


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    #7 TammyWright

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    Posted 11 June 2014 - 06:58 PM

    all great advice!


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    #8 tarynh86

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    Posted 16 June 2014 - 01:15 PM

    Yes great advice!

    #9 SuchALady777

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    Posted 19 July 2014 - 08:18 AM

    I was looking for a polite way to tell people if they want to invite someone that I didn't invite...that person would not be able to attend the wedding events I plan without paying. They can come on the cruise but I will not pay for them at our reveption. Or we come party. Or sit down dinner




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