Hi everyone! It's my first post but the topic is close to my heart.
Initially I asked if he would mind if I hyphenated my name, but the more I thought about things (he was cool with anything, said he didn't care) the more it bothered me.
Historically women took the man's name because you were being placed under his protection financially etc. But our relationship including even housework is 50/50. I don't need his financial aid or symbolic protection that way. We both have great jobs etc and even if one of us lost it. The other would carry the slack. In fact, my job is much more secure than his.
Secondly, my mother and father gave me my name. I have been Shani Cochrane all my life, it is who I am. Also, the family name and bloodline die with me (not having children) so there is no future confusion regarding children. I would feel weird discarding the name that my parents gave me. Gods, not to mention all the crappy paperwork I would have to do. I am in the military so not only the regular paperwork change but all of my work related info too. Why should I have to do this?
I thank my lucky stars that I have such a wonderful man that respects this and trusts in our relationship to not have an issue with my wishes here.
That being said, I do respect and understand why some people are bound to the tradition.
We're totally on the same page! I love the name my parents gave me. I am so lucky my fiance doesn't get offended or think any less of my love for him for wanting to keep my name. I also don't want to deal with all the hassle, paperwork and then explaining to everyone who knows me that I've changed my last name. In terms of kids, we're latin and we have two last names from the time we're born. They will probably have his last name and my first last name (Just as I have my dad's and my mom's)
This is a topic that I'm so passionate about too because I'm kind of a feminist. I believe that if we have the same rights and responsibilities as men, it should be my personal choice to do with my name as I please. I don't think I could ever marry a man who tried to force me to take his last name, it's a non-negotiable for me ahaha and I had my mind made up way before I met my fiance.