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starchild

Mother

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I thought this was funny:

 

 

 

A Dictionary for Mother:

 

AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

 

BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

 

DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

 

DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.

 

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

 

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

 

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

 

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

 

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

 

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

 

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

 

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

 

LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

 

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

 

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

 

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

 

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

 

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

 

STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

 

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

 

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

 

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

 

VERBAL: Able to whine in words

 

WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

 

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

 

WHOOPS : An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

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