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I thought this was funny:




A Dictionary for Mother:


AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.


BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.


DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.


DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.


DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.


FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster


FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.


FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.


GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.


HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.


IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.


INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.


LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.


PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.


PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.


PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.


SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.


STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.


STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.


TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.


TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.


TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.


VERBAL: Able to whine in words


WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.


WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.


WHOOPS : An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

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