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Can You Have A Small Wedding With A Big Family?

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#1 diadiamond

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 07:30 PM

Hi Everyone!


I know my question doesn't appear to make a lot of sense, but if you read on it will.  I have a large family (my mom has 6 brother and 6 sisters who all have kids of their own).  My fiancee and I want a small wedding and I included only a few uncles, aunts, and cousins on my list.  On top of that my parents are divorced and are now married to people who also have kids of their own (I have 4 step brothers, 1 step sister, and 1 actual brother).  So it's still a lot of people and we're not sure if our venue can accommodate the number of people we have and we're not sure we can afford to have a wedding with that many people as well.  We know that only about half of the people we invite would probably come (36 people) and we're not sure if we can afford that.


The root of my question is:  Is it rude for us to have an intimate wedding with immediate family and close friends only?


We're hoping to have an at home reception after the wedding for all the people we wanted to invite.  What do you guys think?  Is anyone in a similar situation?

My Planning Thread:

#2 DinaQtobe

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Posted 08 March 2014 - 06:45 PM

I have a large extended family - my dad has 6 siblings and I have over 20 cousins.  My husband has many aunts and uncles and cousins also.  We have a large immediate family too - I am one of four children and my husband is one of five.  We actually sent out just under 50 invites (100 people were invited), and we only had 17 guests: Our parents, siblings, significant others of our siblings, my godmother, and one aunt and uncle.  It was the most intimate and wonderful celebration I could have asked for. 


I don't think it is selfish to invite only your immediate family.  This was my reason for having a DW - I wanted something small!  Maybe you could send the invitations for the AHR at the same time as the wedding invitations so everyone feels included in some part of the celebration?

Whatever you decide, remember that the day is about you and your future husband.  There is always pressure to please everyone but make sure that you are first pleasing yourselves.

#3 diadiamond

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Posted 08 March 2014 - 07:04 PM

Thanks @DinaQtobe I really appreciate your advice.  I've been coming to terms that not everyone is going to be happy with what we want to do, it's still really hard though.  Aside from wanting a small wedding budget is a huge factor for us and the more people that come the more the cost would go up too.  Congrats on your wedding!  I wish you all the best, and hearing that you were in a similar situation as me gives me hope that my wedding day will be the most special day of my life.

My Planning Thread:

#4 seka21

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    Posted 10 May 2014 - 09:36 AM

    I don't think its selfish at all. I have a huge family and we invited the aunts and uncles but we decided to get married in Jamaica so the group is small. I think having a destination wedding really keeps it small

    #5 KathyandEthan

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    Posted 11 May 2014 - 05:45 PM

    Im glad i dont have this issue it seems like it can be a sticky situation. I would just keep pushing the destination to a farther location to cut the guest list if i had to.

    #6 nattiegams325

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    Posted 14 May 2014 - 09:05 AM

    I'm having trouble with this. Initially my parents agreed to my fiance and I's wish for a small(er) wedding, now they're insisting we invite extended family. I'm very close to my immediate family but it has caused some stress :wacko:

    Edited by nattiegams325, 14 May 2014 - 09:06 AM.

    #7 LissaSou

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    Posted 14 May 2014 - 04:33 PM

    I had this dilemma as well. Mom is one of 11 and dad is one of 8, all married with lots of kids. We finally just decided to invite aunts and uncles and not the cousins. It would have gotten out of hand if we hadn't, and I know a lot of them would have come if we did invite them. My cousins totally understood thank goodness. We were just honest about the fact that we wanted a small wedding. This is the main reason why we are having a destination wedding and not one at home!

    #8 vanessav53

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      Posted 14 May 2014 - 06:14 PM

      @diadiamond- my FI is one of 8 siblings and he has over 25 cousins and those cousins all have a few kids each. We are closer with some cousins than others BUT since his immediate family ( Just his brothers/sisters and nieces/newphews) is 31 people we decided to invite ONLY immediate family only. HIs extended family totally understood. You almost have to do all or none. You can't invite some cousins/aunts/uncles and not others. It was easier for us to just tell his family we are only inviting siblings. People were honestly totally fine with it so I guess maybe we got lucky. PLUS having a destination makes people realize it's an intimate affair anyway.

      #9 kmk2016

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      Posted 15 May 2014 - 10:02 AM

      I had a similar problem in that I am very close to some aunts but not others (all sisters) and likewise with my cousins... And to make it more complicated there were some aunts/uncles I didn't want to invite but I'm close to their kids. I'm an only child so my cousins and I are like siblings in some cases.

      I was originally only going to invite the ones I truly wanted there... But in the end I decided it wasn't worth the tension and family arguments that would ensue by leaving some of them out. They most likely will make no effort to come, and aside from sending them the invite I don't plan on following up with those people at all... But if they do end up surprising me, it will add about 20 people to our count. Fingers crossed they fail to respond! Haha

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