Pre-Wedding party...what to call it?

[Italy2013]

Hello!  Fist can I say I LOVE THIS SITE!!!  I am having a DW to Italy with just Immediate Family and their SO's.  I initially went to the Knot to ask for advice and was SHAMED!!!! I felt like I was in High School again and I am 50! I was told that since I chose a DW that there was "NO PARTY FOR YOU!" Completely bullied even on my answers to other posts.  They stalked me to bully me.  Again...I LOVE THIS SITE!

 

Anyway, moving forward, I am getting married in October in Italy with my and my FH's family.  It was originally a family vacation and when we decided to get married we thought it would be perfect to add it to the vacation itinerary.  The family (15 of us...parents, kids, brother and all of their spouses or SO's and their kids) had already been involved with the vacation planning and we had our plane tickets and room reservations. Once the wedding was added we just told everyone.  I didn't think invitations at this point were necessary.  I have since decided to send everyone who is coming a box of travel accessories (money belt, TSA locks for luggage, blow up head pillow, etc) and a printed note from my FH and me telling them how excited we are to have them share in our day.

 

So on to the Pre Wedding Party.  We decided to have a party before the wedding because we are having it at my parents house and the weather will be iffy when we get back.  My parents have what looks like an italian villa complete with Bocce Ball, small vineyard, etc. We are inviting all of our close family and friends.  We did not invite anyone to the wedding except immediate family so everyone invited to the pre-wedding party will not be invited to the wedding.  I understant that that is a no-no in terms of "Etiquette" but I feel that rules are meant as guielines and when those were written people didn't have DW's and 2nd marriages. 

 

Our party will be a casual one with a pizza oven and someone hand throwing the pizzas, wine barrels tables to hold the food and drink, and some rousing games of Bocce!  Here are my questions:

 

• We don't know wht to call the party on the printed invites?
• When do we send them and do we send a "Save-the-date"?
• Can we suggest No-Children?
• We really don't want or need gifts, do we state that? A friend is throwing me a shower and I don't know what to do with that one as well. Do I register for that? I feel awkward about the whole gift thing.

 

Anyway, I can't wait to get your advice and am looking forward to the answers!

 

Leanne

[laureninfw]

I have similar questions like you !

 

I get weirded out with the gift thing as well but figure I will register for some generic stuff and then for the "honeymoon" thought I feel that is weird too since I am technically going to be on it...

 

Trying to work details out for an at home party/reception...thought of doing mine as a shower/at home reception but the planning is stressful so I have put it on hold )

 

Happy planning

[Italy2013]

You shouldn't let the planning stress you out. This is supposed the be the best day of your life! I've decided to do what me and my FH want. Our family and friend love us no matter what and are just excited that we are getting married. A combo party with reception and shower sounds great. If its before it can be a celebration of the upcoming wedding. If its after it can be an AHR. Just make sure that you don't get too stressed by it all. Delegate some if the work. I feel weird about a friend who is throwing me a shower. It seems gift grabby to me but everyone has told me they are very excited to come and definitely want to bring gifts. Best to register for what you want instead if getting gifts you don't need. Anyway, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Where are you having it?

[Miss J]

Ah, it sounds lovely!! 

If its a pre wedding party I wouldnt send "Save the Dates" and maybe send them 5/6 weeks before?

If you write the names of the guests like you would for a formal wedding party, for example John & Lisa are invited to...

that sort of means kids are not invited unless their names are on the invites too, I would think.

Of course you can write that you dont want any presents, "fluff it"

[Kasey04]

I love the idea of a "pre-wedding" party instead of an AHR. By the time we get done with the wedding, I don't think I'd want to come home and have the stress of planning and throwing another party. I've asked my sister and mom to invite all of our friends to a casual BBQ instead of having a formal wedding shower. We have more guy friends than girl friends, so it will be way more fun instead of a stuffy Sunday afternoon wedding shower 

[Italy2013]

That sounds fantastic I have to say the "Pre-Wedding Party" was a lot of fun but a lot of work too. The wedding is a lot less work because of the planner. I'm glad I had the party but glad it's over. We ended up with 60 people and my initial budget was $4k for 40 people and I was under that for 60!!! I ended up hiring a planner but still did a lot of the decor and cooking myself. Looking forward to showing up at my wedding and not having to do anything!!!! Good luck and have fun!!!

[Tbasgall]

I'm sorry to hear you we're bullied on that other site and also glad the party went well. I wish that we would have done this vs an AHR after the DW.

[shopnboard]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Italy2013 

That sounds fantastic I have to say the "Pre-Wedding Party" was a lot of fun but a lot of work too. The wedding is a lot less work because of the planner. I'm glad I had the party but glad it's over. We ended up with 60 people and my initial budget was $4k for 40 people and I was under that for 60!!! I ended up hiring a planner but still did a lot of the decor and cooking myself. Looking forward to showing up at my wedding and not having to do anything!!!!

Good luck and have fun!!!

 

Wow good job on budgeting! I'm having a similar issue, I'd like to have an at home ceremony first since our parents and family can't join us otherwise I'd make it a casual get together too. Need to think this through but I'm glad everything worked out for you. Enjoy your wedding!!!

[nursemorgan]

@@Italy2013 your wedding sounds like it was amazing! Just curious what you ended up doing for your pre-wedding party? Where in Italy did you tie the knot? My fiance and I have been research for a "later on" honeymoon since we are already traveling to the islands for our wedding.  

 

Post pictures so we can all enjoy them! 

[iberostarbride]

sounds great