Jump to content

Pre-Wedding party...what to call it?

Recommended Posts

Hello!  Fist can I say I LOVE THIS SITE!!!  I am having a DW to Italy with just Immediate Family and their SO's.  I initially went to the Knot to ask for advice and was SHAMED!!!! I felt like I was in High School again and I am 50! I was told that since I chose a DW that there was "NO PARTY FOR YOU!" Completely bullied even on my answers to other posts.  They stalked me to bully me.  Again...I LOVE THIS SITE!


Anyway, moving forward, I am getting married in October in Italy with my and my FH's family.  It was originally a family vacation and when we decided to get married we thought it would be perfect to add it to the vacation itinerary.  The family (15 of us...parents, kids, brother and all of their spouses or SO's and their kids) had already been involved with the vacation planning and we had our plane tickets and room reservations. Once the wedding was added we just told everyone.  I didn't think invitations at this point were necessary.  I have since decided to send everyone who is coming a box of travel accessories (money belt, TSA locks for luggage, blow up head pillow, etc) and a printed note from my FH and me telling them how excited we are to have them share in our day.


So on to the Pre Wedding Party.  We decided to have a party before the wedding because we are having it at my parents house and the weather will be iffy when we get back.  My parents have what looks like an italian villa complete with Bocce Ball, small vineyard, etc. We are inviting all of our close family and friends.  We did not invite anyone to the wedding except immediate family so everyone invited to the pre-wedding party will not be invited to the wedding.  I understant that that is a no-no in terms of "Etiquette" but I feel that rules are meant as guielines and when those were written people didn't have DW's and 2nd marriages. 


Our party will be a casual one with a pizza oven and someone hand throwing the pizzas, wine barrels tables to hold the food and drink, and some rousing games of Bocce!  Here are my questions:


  • We don't know wht to call the party on the printed invites?
  • When do we send them and do we send a "Save-the-date"?
  • Can we suggest No-Children?
  • We really don't want or need gifts, do we state that? A friend is throwing me a shower and I don't know what to do with that one as well. Do I register for that? I feel awkward about the whole gift thing.


Anyway, I can't wait to get your advice and am looking forward to the answers!



Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have similar questions like you !


I get weirded out with the gift thing as well but figure I will register for some generic stuff and then for the "honeymoon" thought I feel that is weird too since I am technically going to be on it...


Trying to work details out for an at home party/reception...thought of doing mine as a shower/at home reception but the planning is stressful so I have put it on hold :))


Happy planning

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

You shouldn't let the planning stress you out. This is supposed the be the best day of your life! I've decided to do what me and my FH want. Our family and friend love us no matter what and are just excited that we are getting married. A combo party with reception and shower sounds great. If its before it can be a celebration of the upcoming wedding. If its after it can be an AHR. Just make sure that you don't get too stressed by it all. Delegate some if the work. I feel weird about a friend who is throwing me a shower. It seems gift grabby to me but everyone has told me they are very excited to come and definitely want to bring gifts. Best to register for what you want instead if getting gifts you don't need. Anyway, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Where are you having it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ah, it sounds lovely!! 

If its a pre wedding party I wouldnt send "Save the Dates" and maybe send them 5/6 weeks before?

If you write the names of the guests like you would for a formal wedding party, for example John & Lisa are invited to...

that sort of means kids are not invited unless their names are on the invites too, I would think.

Of course you can write that you dont want any presents, "fluff it" :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

I love the idea of a "pre-wedding" party instead of an AHR. By the time we get done with the wedding, I don't think I'd want to come home and have the stress of planning and throwing another party. I've asked my sister and mom to invite all of our friends to a casual BBQ instead of having a formal wedding shower. We have more guy friends than girl friends, so it will be way more fun instead of a stuffy Sunday afternoon wedding shower cheesy.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

That sounds fantastic I have to say the "Pre-Wedding Party" was a lot of fun but a lot of work too. The wedding is a lot less work because of the planner. I'm glad I had the party but glad it's over. We ended up with 60 people and my initial budget was $4k for 40 people and I was under that for 60!!! I ended up hiring a planner but still did a lot of the decor and cooking myself. Looking forward to showing up at my wedding and not having to do anything!!!! Good luck and have fun!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally Posted by Italy2013 View Post

That sounds fantastic I have to say the "Pre-Wedding Party" was a lot of fun but a lot of work too. The wedding is a lot less work because of the planner. I'm glad I had the party but glad it's over. We ended up with 60 people and my initial budget was $4k for 40 people and I was under that for 60!!! I ended up hiring a planner but still did a lot of the decor and cooking myself. Looking forward to showing up at my wedding and not having to do anything!!!!

Good luck and have fun!!!


Wow good job on budgeting! I'm having a similar issue, I'd like to have an at home ceremony first since our parents and family can't join us otherwise I'd make it a casual get together too. Need to think this through but I'm glad everything worked out for you. Enjoy your wedding!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

@@Italy2013 your wedding sounds like it was amazing! Just curious what you ended up doing for your pre-wedding party? Where in Italy did you tie the knot? My fiance and I have been research for a "later on" honeymoon since we are already traveling to the islands for our wedding. :) 


Post pictures so we can all enjoy them! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors

    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • The two people who matters the most in this situation? You and your partner. It is nice to get an outside opinion but if you have too much of it? It will get messy! I am replying you my response after that has happened to me with my wedding. Although it is quite hard, do not think of the negative opinions. The people who will turn up to your wedding? You will always cherish them even more! That is what has happened with me because my friendship with the people who attended my wedding has improved so much more that I know I can rely on them and they can rely on me. It is disappointing that people will not attend your wedding but it is their loss, not yours. At the end of the day, when they see pictures and videos of your big day they will definitely regret missing out on such event. I am waiting to deal with the aftermath of my wedding from my so called friends, if they say anything they will get an earful! Happy planning, your big day will be worth it! Keep us up to date!
    • Wow, I cannot believe it's been over a year since I last posted! Better keep everyone up to date as everything ended up positive in the end! So, let's start with the situation with W. From my previous post, I have serious consideration removing him from the groomsmen because of the hurtful things he has said to me. Not too after my second post, I asked him once again whether he wants to be part of the groomsmen. The response was around the lines of "I need more solid information". This was before the restriction were lifted. Then he said it was down to finances yet again, even though he said he could have made it but because of what A said, W didn't commit no more. As W was being difficult, I decided to drop him as a groomsmen altogether and replaced him with someone else. Plan B was already in motion and tbh, I wish I did this first to avoid any hassle. Everyone who got invited in plan B all committed themselves to the wedding!  The situation with A is this. I was feeling sad that I was losing this friendship and that spark with him was gone. By the time it was gone, A was "ready" to meet up with me to discuss life and the wedding. When I said I lost spark with him, I really did. I knew that he was ready to meet up with me because it was convenient for him. For example, he wanted to meet up with me because he was driving past my house or was in the area visiting his relative. If he was not doing those things he would not want to meet up with me. Needless to say, every time he kept asking, I just said I was busy. I think deep down something was not right between me and A but he does not want to acknowledge it. I know that W had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because that's what he is like. Around the end of last year, rather than messaging me about the DW he went behind my back and asked my SO. He was scared of asking me because he knows if he asked me, I would literally get angry at him. He's nosey and was happy enough to be part of the groomsmen but he listened to A. W didn't asked once but twice to mg SO. My SO just said that she was busy and should ask me about the wedding, not her. W did messagee but not about the wedding plans. I felt this was a sly move by his part. If anything not having A and W there was a blessing in disguise. I met up with the other 4 groomsmen over one weekend and it turns out it was the most fun we all have had for a while. It was as if we continued from the previous conversations in the past as if nothing has changed. I am so glad and proud of this group of groomsmen and glad the other 2 dropped out. The suit fitting went really well and we hung out again to see whether the suits altered fitted or not.  Unfortunately my SO UK group, 5 out of 6 declined the invite. Only 1 accepted it. The other 5 had reasons ranging from good ones to poorer ones 😅 As long one of them turned up then it was good enough for us. My SO's bridesmaids also were amazing. No problems caused whatsoever and they were really excited that our wedding was abroad too! To make things work out before our DW, myself and SO planned out 2 weekends for both groomsmen and bridesmaids to hang out before the DW. We did this so we would not encounter any awkwardness for the first time in DW. Lo and behold, everyone got to know each other and we really are happy that the wedding party weekend went smoothly. I will keep this ambiguous because I do not want A and his group finding out. I got married to my SO this year. What time and month? I will leave this intentionally blank. The wedding itself was everything we have expected. The wedding planner was amazing. The photographer was also amazing too, so glad we went for him. The sneak peak photos are absolutely great, couldn't imagine that the photos turned out like that. The good itself was okay could be better but could be worse. The first dance went relatively well although my SO managed to cock up s move which only I know hahahaha. The wedding ceremony itself went really quickly. I was a bag of nerves to which one of the groomsmen bought the groomsmen a shot each to calm everyone down. It did calm me down for a little bit but the nerves started again with the speeches. I got emotional throughout the speeches. I was not expecting the tear up with the best man speech at all. My speech was meant for my SO but for some reason everyone in the room also cried as well 😂 The all night dancing and fun was the best bit. When every serious part was done, I was able to stop being nervous! The fun went through the whole night and I can see everyone really enjoyed themselves. It was as if myself and SO correctly guess that lockdown restrictions would end. Everyone was thankful that they managed to take part in the DW because they all have been stranded in the country for 3 years! Do I regret having a DW? Hell no! Although it was a smaller party everything was all under control. Everyone had a great time!  More information about my UK group. Some of them congratulated us which was nice to hear. Those congratulated us, I can keep contact. They knew it was difficult coming to DW. At least they are mature enough to say something about it and they did not get the invite. On the other hand, A and W kept constantly monitoring my account for updates along with my SO. It got to the point that W really FOMO that he I followed our stories/posts. A on the other hand is completely out of order. He was invited to DW but made it really uncomfortable to me that he was not happy with DW. During that week, he went on holiday to Spain. I get that Spain is much more cheaper than my DW but it still is annoying. A also said before that he has a few weddings to attend during our DW month. He has not attended any weddings which makes me think that he has lied to me. A and W has lied to me saying it was costly for them to come to my DW. They have both bought PlayStation 5 and went to many designer outlets. If they are so stumped on money why go and buy things? It just shows that they are not good friends at all. Overall good DW. I do not regret it one bit because I know if I did it in the UK, the experience will be a lot different. The UK definitely not as scenic as my DW! 🤣    
    • Hi ! Myself and partner got engaged 7 months ago and we quite quickly asked our friends who we wanted in our wedding party (e.g bridesmaids, MOH and best men etc) who all agreed. After searching many English venues we have decided that we want to marry abroad, our dream is Mexico. We have been and priced this up today and we are incredibly happy. So we have put this forward to our friends and family who we really want there and now we are facing issues. My MOH and my partners Best man are together with a child, they now will not come unless we change to Spain or Greece. My brother, his wife and nephew can only come in one set week which isn't the time we want to marry and also will not come to Mexico. And both our Grandmother's won't come to Mexico.   What do we do? Do we carry on and go to Mexico with the people who will come or do we change our dreams and go to Spain or Greece?  Thoughts please, I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to marry as I'm fed up of friends and family ruining our ideas and dreams with their opinions. 
    • What purpose does a ring actually have? I think they look nice, but to me, wearing a ring doesn’t mean a damn thing. I’m engaged. I’m in a happy, healthy and strong relationship. And to be fully honest if you are ever in a relationship that you’d be willing to risk because of the price of an engagement ring, your partner could do better.
    • My name is Marshall and I’m getting married in Punta Cana in June I am in search of a rabbi could you please help me
  • Topics

  • Create New...