I feel like I need a safe place to just vent everything. The process of being engaged and getting married has been one of the hardest years of my life. I went in to this knowing that people didn't want me to talk about weddings all the time and knowing that I would have to deal with a lot of my stress and weddings headaches alone. I didn't want to put too much pressure on people. I wanted inexpensive bridesmaids dresses. I even picked a wedding venue off the resort so the resort could be the best deal possible. But at the end of the day everything has fallen apart.
The quickest summary is that 8 months before the wedding I had a small trip to Vegas planned. One of my bridesmaids suggested we do a bachlorette, more people came. We set aside one day to be my official bachlorette day and the long and short of it was it didnt turn out well and 5 of the girls left 2 of us in the club alone, didnt let us know they were leaving and went to party on their own.
So my fiancee, whether right or wrong said we needed a do-over so we just did one last weekend. Which was pretty much the worst thing ever. A few of us (pretty much the same group) went up to a ski town 2 hours from here. Everyone was pretty much passed out or too drunk by 11. I had a stress meltdown, and when one of them saw me crying screamed at me for a few minutes, another one screamed at me some more, then they took both cars and left me and the one girl taking care of me there.
I asked 4 girls to be bridesmaids and I am left with 1. And I'm worried she's distant now. We're leaving in four weeks and everything around me and these girls has left a bad taste in my mouth. My best friend of 30 years is gone. It was insanely apparent that she is the most angry person in the world and said that my life was handed to me on a silver platter and that i was spoiled. Which seems out of place considering we grew up in the same town with the exact same advantages and we just made different choices. At my bachlorette party it was like she was waiting to pick a fight with me. She even admitted that she drove up to the hotel so that she could leave at a moments notice when things went South. Which was all a shock to me as I figured we didn't have any problems and I have made an extreme point to not burden people with wedding plans, especially her.
Another bridesmaid read into everything to make it so negative. That I picked her to fill out the party. Or that I picked her because she could afford to go to the resort and that was the only reason. I told her why I picked her when I picked her and it was that she was someone I wanted to have in my life and she had been so supportive and amazing and I see her being a big part of my future. But it was nothing but negative shit and that if she had known my bachlorette was going to be "all about you, I wouldn't have come."
The last girl is the biggest problem. At this point I can't help but feel I've been manipulated for years. She always blames me for our problems and lists off all of these amazing things she does for me and then I feel guilty that I'm just reading situations wrong and that I should fix it. But every time we have a problem its because she's being over dramatic and hard to deal with but then when I try to get past it, it's a lot of what I did wrong, how hard her life is, and how everyone is rude to her. But I think it finally became clear to me that she doesn't do all these things for me or others. She does them for herself. I hear now that in all the planning it was a lot of negative sniping and rude comments. I also hear now that all of these people spent money they didn't have to come and how I'm supposed to feel guilty about that. I didn't ask anyone to spend money they didn't have. I try to be really conscious of that. I constantly say "if that is too much we can do whatever works." So I unwittingly walked into a bachlorette party where everyone was pissed off about money and everything else and when I cried half of them decided to end our friendships. I'm not sure how I was supposed to change things I didn't know about. Or even why I'm supposed to feel guilty for something I certainly didn't ask them to do.
In general I'm left feeling like I surround myself with toxic people and it's a hard time to work on rebuilding your life 4 weeks before your wedding. I've tried to figure out what I did wrong. I cried. I know I cried. I apologized for crying. They say I was unappreciative. I did my best to let them know I did appreciate it. I'm not sure what they're looking for. But I guess at the end of the day I'm left with knowing that a bunch of people who I thought I was close with are perfectly happy leaving me in Vegas or at a hotel 2 hours from home with no ride because I was upset. And that really sucks.