How do you deal with people who invite themselves to your wedding?

[ucfjennifer]

We have had several of the "I can't wait for your wedding" comments too! And I told my Mom I am not inviting family I have't seen or talked to in 10+ years. She didn't push it too much after that, but I'm expecting it to come up when the invitations go out. I told her the best part of paying for this on our own is that we have control!

[lorcas]

I've thought long and hard about this. I come from a HUGE family. My mom is one of nine so just on her side alone I have over 40 cousins. 

 

With that said, I will not be inviting most of my family because most of them haven't even met my FI. We are scattered all over (about 40% still live in Colombia, so out of country. The rest are scattered between NJ, FL -north and south, TX). 

 

I am inviting friends that we have actually spent time together with. We are both Baltimore transplants so our friends are also scattered all over. My bridesmaids hail from Chicago, Hoboken, and Orlando, lol! His groomsmen are from Upstate NY, Eastern PA, and Middle PA.

 

It's a tough choice, but we have to cut corners to stick to our budget!!

 

Good luck ladies!

[Miss J]

I suppose its tricky if you have a large extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc.), but personaaly if you are not close to the people, I dont see the point of inviting people just "because". As you girls mention, if you havent had any contact with someone for about 10 years, they are not important enough to be invited to your wedding. I pointed out to future mother in law that we are only inviting people WE want to be there, this was ages ago (before we decided on the eloping) and she was fine with it. I thought I let her know the score early on regarding invites as I know she wanted neighbours invited to OH's brothers wedding because she had been invited to weddings when neighbours kids got married. Im not having any of that!!

[pzl101]

Extended cousins are saying "I got my passport ready! I don't care, I'm coming!"  I just laugh and say we haven't decided anything yet (which is the truth, just one month engaged but we know we want a super small wedding) I don't like the idea of people being there that I never see. 

[Backy]

interesting thread! good to know this.

[DeeP10]

Is anyone planning a fairly big DW. We might have to invite about 125 guests. ( that's cutting it down ALOT) just wondering what people's response rates were? Did most people say yes, or did the cost deter them? Lol. We are inviting a few be ause they are family and would be insulted, but honestly would be ok of they opted out. I feel bad saying it but honestly I hate having to leave out friends to invite certain family we haven't seen in ages.

[thurberwedding]

Huge family here, which actually is one of the things that made a DW more desireable. We made the decision to invite immediate family (siblings, parents, grandparents, first aunts/uncles/cousins) and a few very close friends. This firm cutoff on the family side allowed us to avoid hurting feelings and angering people by inviting some distant relatives and not others, which seems to happen to my other relatives when they plan weddings back at home. We have a few aunts/uncles that will get invites that we aren't super close with, but don't worry about them deciding to come anyway.

[Jessica Correa]

I am trying to keep it as small as possible. I am inviting the cousins and uncles I grew up with plus one uncle that lives in Colombia because he has been good to us and I know that he can afford to come to the wedding. I am not inviting many friends but I have been saying since day one that it was a family event and as small as possible so hopefully they dont get offended by it but that is just the way it is. My fiance in the other hand says that if he invites one uncle how can he not invite the other etc. And since I don't know much of his family, I don't even know how many people to actually expect. We made the guest list and he said he needed 45 invitations but that doesn't give me much information sine one person could have a huge family. My father in law has a party of 5 coming already! (4 kids, his girlfriend) so I really don't know what is coming my way!

[brownsugarbride]

Originally Posted by DeeP10 

 

Is anyone planning a fairly big DW. We might have to invite about 125 guests. ( that's cutting it down ALOT) just wondering what people's response rates were? Did most people say yes, or did the cost deter them? Lol. We are inviting a few be ause they are family and would be insulted, but honestly would be ok of they opted out. I feel bad saying it but honestly I hate having to leave out friends to invite certain family we haven't seen in ages.

 

Me too--which is why I'm inviting friends over family that I don't have a relationship with! It helps that my mama is very supportive of this approach! LOL

[Recy]

This is Soooo my situation. My husband family is small and I have a huge family. Not to mention my wedding is in Jamaica and I am Jamaican so of course its nothing to get my family there. I am worried not.much of his family will attend. My solution is to give everyone 12 months to pay for their trip. I.hope this helps.

I can definately relate to this. My family is HUGE. My FH's family is tiny (and older...) So even with inviting those that we did, it's like a 90/10 split between my family and his. My Mom told me how some of my great aunts (many, but one in particular) was excited to come to my wedding. I point blank said, "But she's not invited." My Mom got upset, but frankly, if you can't tell me what my FH's name is... you're not invited to my wedding. It's pretty simple. I invited some 2nd cousins, as my Mom grew up with them, and they're close... But I'm not about to invite 150+ people from my family, when my FH doesn't even have 25.... Anyway.... I totally get it.