Getting legally married before going to Mexico. Should we tell our parents/families? Keep it a secret?

[chickky311]

I've been really struggling with this issue lately, so I hope somebody can give me some advice.  We are getting married in Cozumel on 11/6/13.  After finding out about all the hoops you have to jump through to do the legal ceremony in Mexico, we decided to get married at home in the courthouse prior to our wedding in Mexico.  Of course our friends and family will all be there in Mexico and we are really looking forward to celebrating with them.

 

The problem is that we kind of want our little courthouse ceremony to be a special moment for just the two of us, no family or friends. My parents and family members have all been under the assumption that we are getting legally married in Mexico, and I never told them that we were thinking of doing otherwise.  I'm sure their feelings would be hurt if they knew that we got married without them being there, but I don't like the idea of lying to them either.

 

My mother just called me at work today to tell me that her hairdresser told her that he has been to many destination weddings where the couple got legally married before the actual wedding, to avoid all the hassle of paperwork and blood tests, etc.  She said she wanted to give me the info in case we hadn't considered that yet, it was something we should think about.  I wasn't really sure what to say so I just told her that it was something that we had already considered.  And I left it at that.  But then my Dad was in the background saying that if we got married before the wedding in Mexico that they would want to be there.

 

Shouldn't I be able to get married the way that I want though?  I'm feeling very torn now between what we want and what everybody else wants.  I feel like no matter what somebody isn't going to be happy and unfortunately I feel like that's probably going to end up being me. 

 

Any advice?

[TauruSmith]

To give you another perspective, we are considering our legal ceremony to just be an extension of the paperwork. The ceremony at the resort is the "WEDDING". That is where the spirits and emotions will be!

[shannonmarie]

Originally Posted by TauruSmith 

 

To give you another perspective, we are considering our legal ceremony to just be an extension of the paperwork. The ceremony at the resort is the "WEDDING". That is where the spirits and emotions will be!

Agreed. We are looking at it the same way. Just the "paperwork."  We are getting legally married a few days before we leave for Mexico. Not exchanging rings, not dressing up, nothing... Just the paperwork! It's just too much of a hassle to do all the official stuff in Mexico

[safety75]

I agree with the others, we are considering it purely a paperwork trail and will not be exchanging rings, dressing up, having guests etc. We were going to do it legally in Mexico but my fiance sort of freaked at the idea of them taking blood. Plus you have to be there so many days before, have the documents translated, etc etc.  Just too much of a hassle and cost so we will go do the "paperwork" right before we depart. 

[shan0487]

Simple is how I wanted it to be as well.  The day we will celebrate is 11.23.12 in Mexico not 12.27.12 when we legally got married (we did it backwards and got legally married after Mexico).  Believe me my husband took full advantage of saying "well we aren't married yet" for that month that we weren't- got old real fast lol.

 

Anyways- we were planning on just going to the courthouse on our lunch break and then it ended up turning into our parents and siblings, and grandparents at our house with the family paster marrying us.  I cooked dinner for everyone and my husband's grandma brought an ice cream cake.  We both wore jeans and it was very casual- so it did not end up being just the two of us but was very casual and how I wanted it to be- so it worked out!

[jrack]

Originally Posted by TauruSmith 

 

To give you another perspective, we are considering our legal ceremony to just be an extension of the paperwork. The ceremony at the resort is the "WEDDING". That is where the spirits and emotions will be!

Of course! Wedding is more about the celebration, and the time you share with friends and family.

[chickky311]

Thanks for all of your comments.  The part that I'm having a problem with is that we want to do the legal marriage part before the wedding in Mexico, but we want that legal part at the courthouse to be just us BECAUSE we are not going to be dressing up or celebrating on that day.  We want it to be a nice quiet moment with just the two of us.  But family members have expressed that if we do get legally married somewhere other than in Mexico, that they want to be there for that too.  So I either give up on how we want things and let other people come to the courthouse, or we do it in secret and lie to my parents and everyone and just pretend that we are getting legally married in Mexico.  Thats the part that I'm having a hard time with.  Do I do what I want and risk hurting their feelings, or give up on what I want and let them do what they want, or just lie to everyone?

[chickky311]

Originally Posted by TauruSmith 

 

To give you another perspective, we are considering our legal ceremony to just be an extension of the paperwork. The ceremony at the resort is the "WEDDING". That is where the spirits and emotions will be!

Also, I totally agree with you on this.  But part of the problem is that everyone else wants to be there and do a big celebration at the time of our legal ceremony and thats not what we want.  If its just him and I, we can do the legal ceremony and it won't have to be some big production.  I would much rather do all the celebrating in Mexico!

[Lydia1120]

Originally Posted by chickky311 

 

Thanks for all of your comments.  The part that I'm having a problem with is that we want to do the legal marriage part before the wedding in Mexico, but we want that legal part at the courthouse to be just us BECAUSE we are not going to be dressing up or celebrating on that day.  We want it to be a nice quiet moment with just the two of us.  But family members have expressed that if we do get legally married somewhere other than in Mexico, that they want to be there for that too.  So I either give up on how we want things and let other people come to the courthouse, or we do it in secret and lie to my parents and everyone and just pretend that we are getting legally married in Mexico.  Thats the part that I'm having a hard time with.  Do I do what I want and risk hurting their feelings, or give up on what I want and let them do what they want, or just lie to everyone?

We are getting married 2 weeks before our trip to Cuba and as many of the ladies above, it is just a legal ceremony/paperwork, no vows,  no kissing the bride etc. "The ceremony will be at the resort is the "WEDDING" and that is where our spirits and emotions will be!" We will be signing the documents here at our home  and the only people that will be attending at our "legal ceremony/paperwork' will be my Maid of Honour and her Husband who will be signing as our witnesses.  NO ONE ELSE WILL KNOW!!!!  

 

I suggest that you do what you want....explain to only your family members (not the other guests, they don't need to know) that you don't perceive the date that you are signing the documents as your wedding date.  You want people to be there when the emotions are there, not the paperwork and having people present at the legal/signing, will change your perception of  your actual wedding day in Mexico....Simply, you want it to remain private just between you and your FI...I am sure they will understand.   

[agm04]

Originally Posted by chickky311 

 

Thanks for all of your comments.  The part that I'm having a problem with is that we want to do the legal marriage part before the wedding in Mexico, but we want that legal part at the courthouse to be just us BECAUSE we are not going to be dressing up or celebrating on that day.  We want it to be a nice quiet moment with just the two of us.  But family members have expressed that if we do get legally married somewhere other than in Mexico, that they want to be there for that too.  So I either give up on how we want things and let other people come to the courthouse, or we do it in secret and lie to my parents and everyone and just pretend that we are getting legally married in Mexico.  Thats the part that I'm having a hard time with.  Do I do what I want and risk hurting their feelings, or give up on what I want and let them do what they want, or just lie to everyone?

I agree with Lydia1120 above.  I don't like the idea of lying about it because 1. it seems unnecessary, and 2. people might find out one day and it will be something bigger than it needs to be.  We're doing the same thing - probably getting legally married 2 weeks or so before we leave, and both sets of parents know this.  But I am afraid that if other people are there, it will feel more like a wedding than I want it to.  Can you try explaining that?  That you don't want anything about it to compete with your wedding in Mexico, and you don't want it to feel wedding-y?