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JessieJane

Sister got engaged - planning wedding 4 weeks after mine @ same venu

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I have been engaged now for over a year. My fiance and I wanted to enjoy being engaged so we decided to take our time and plan the wedding of our dreams! We have now had our date set for 10 months (Late June 2013) and identified my parent's cabin as our venu from the get-go.

 

Three days ago my sister got engaged. She told me that she was thinking that she wanted to have a simple backyard wedding which sounded great! I was so excited for her. Last night we went bridesmaid dress shopping for my wedding, while we were shopping she told me that she was hoping to get married this July - so it would be 4 weeks after mine. I couldn't help but be a little dissappointed. Then a few moments later she dropped the bomb that she also wanted to get married up at my parent's cabin.

 

So essentially, she would be getting married at the same venu, 4 weeks after my wedding.

 

I can't help but feel like she has taken away the excitement surrounding my wedding, and that she has totally stolen my thunder. I want to talk to her about it without sounding like a brat, so any advice or thoughts would be so helpful!

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Originally Posted by JessieJane View Post

 

I have been engaged now for over a year. My fiance and I wanted to enjoy being engaged so we decided to take our time and plan the wedding of our dreams! We have now had our date set for 10 months (Late June 2013) and identified my parent's cabin as our venu from the get-go.

 

Three days ago my sister got engaged. She told me that she was thinking that she wanted to have a simple backyard wedding which sounded great! I was so excited for her. Last night we went bridesmaid dress shopping for my wedding, while we were shopping she told me that she was hoping to get married this July - so it would be 4 weeks after mine. I couldn't help but be a little dissappointed. Then a few moments later she dropped the bomb that she also wanted to get married up at my parent's cabin.

 

So essentially, she would be getting married at the same venu, 4 weeks after my wedding.

 

I can't help but feel like she has taken away the excitement surrounding my wedding, and that she has totally stolen my thunder. I want to talk to her about it without sounding like a brat, so any advice or thoughts would be so helpful!

 

Wow, sorry to hear that.

 

I honestly don't understand why she would want to do this.

 

I assume there would be a lot of overlap of guest? I can't imagine going to two weddings at the same venue so close to one another. However, yours being first, would be the one that stands out in IMHO.

 

I think you should really talk to her about it. Her wedding would actually be in the shadow of yours, does she really want that? Everything would be in comparison. ... (This may sound horrible.. but you could tell her this .. but guest may look back and some memories of the wedding days, and would be like "which wedding was that at ... (between you and her)) Its just to close together!

 

Maybe suggest that if she wanted to get married there, to do it the following year and not the same year? That gives her more time to plan, but allows you both to have your special time. Or maybe offer to help her look up other venues that could suit her needs?

 

Just talk to her but tell her honestly how it makes you feel.

 

Good luck! I hope she has a change of heart.

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Not to be rude, but I don't understand what the problem is. Aren't you happy for your sister? I'm sure she's very excited, and that she was very excited for you when YOU got engaged.. so maybe try to be a little more understanding and supportive? Especially since she's planning the wedding for AFTER yours. 

 

My fiance's only sibling got engaged 3 months after we did, and picked a date 6 weeks before our own wedding date. She got married 2 weeks ago. At first, I was a little upset, but as brides, we have to realize that we are getting a wedding DAY, not a wedding month or year. Other people are allowed to get married and be happy too.

 

What I've realized in the past year of being engaged is that nobody is excited about YOUR wedding as you are, and we just have to accept that. 


If it were me, I'd wait and let your feelings settle. I probably wouldn't bring anything up about her plans. 

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If the family cabin is important which it seemingly is she has just as much reason as you to want to be married there, whether its a sentimental or financial reason. It's not as if she is copying your public venue its a family property. The look and feel can be completely different. I could see you being upset of she picked that venue before you but she respectfully chose a date following your wedding. The reality is you chose a long engagement and life does not stop for others while you wait marry.I think you should vent get it out of your system and focus on making your day your own and being a supportive sister because IMHO you seem to be reacting in somewhat of a self absorbed way. Your wedding will cast the shadow not hers. Good luck! They will both be beautiful and uniquely yours and hers because the love of a couple makes a wedding not the venue.

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I see both sides of the argument. Yes, it is not ideal timing or location, especially if you wanted things to be different. However, because it is a family property, and she is your sister, I completely understand that there shouldn't be an issue. It's obviously a beautiful piece of land, that allows both your dream weddings to come true.

 

I think it's perfectly fine to have a moment, and be upset. But like inloveinkorea and cherina both pointed out, she is having her wedding after yours, and will be in the shadow of your wedding. I think you both might look at it as an amazing opportunity to bond. Your both getting married, and embracing this exciting time in your lives.

 

Take some time, think about how you feel, and if it is still really bothering you, then be honest with her. However, don't expect her to change anything. And be prepared that it might cause some friction between the two of you. You can't force her to change her mind, but being open and honest about how it is making you feel can only open the door to further communication about it.
 

IMHO only.

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It is kind of weird and I completely understand. One of the things that make the wedding so much fun is that you get to enjoy the limelight being the bride and all. I'm sure your sister would also like the share of the limelight and it's not fair for her that she wouldn't get to experience since your wedding comes before hers.
 

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I completely understand how you feel but can also see her point of view if the family cabin holds special memories for you both. I had an issue with my brother over my wedding he isnt coming but instead of telling me just moaned about it every time it was mentioned so much so that I started dreading mentioning it. My advice would be to bite the bullet take a deep breath and tell her how you feel while being understanding that its her special day also tell her you love and support her but feel disapointed that they are so close together. This will hopefully open up an honest conversation. she may not have set her heart on it but have been sounding you out about it good luck xx

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Sorry, I'm on the side you probably don't want to hear but if it's a family cabin, then your sister should be able to have a happy wedding there too. I would work with her a bit to make sure that they're both individual ex, different caterers, DJs, colours. Maybe have the ceremony in a different location, one on the deck, one in the garden, etc? But there's no reason that you both can't have beautiful weddings there.

I also like inloveinkorea's comment that it is just a day, you don't get a week or a month and you certainly don't want it to cost you a sister. Scream really loudly in your own home and then put on a smile and go look at dresses with your sister. Now you get to have your nails and hair done twice in one month!!

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