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What do you say to those who aren't invited?


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#11 brecluse

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    Posted 11 October 2007 - 12:52 PM

    Oh, and Christa's right this really is a time for your family and friends to bond and become a support network for you and your FH and people love hearing that so I'd spin it that was as well (in fact I did on my site ).
    TTD :: Tortola, BVI

    #12 starchild

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      Posted 11 October 2007 - 01:14 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by coreyphil
      It has worked out really well --- we've invited only about 50 including family and when we think about the wedding, we get really excited about it being small and intimate with our closest friends and family. It looks like we're going to have around 35 ...
      We ended up with 35 too and it worked well for us. The best thing was we remember sitting and talking to every single guest. Plus everyone there was closely linked to us and our love. We lucked out in that there were no courtesy invites. We got to look around and see people there who have been instrumental in our love.

      Some of the people who invited themselves were using it as an excuse for a vacation in Mexico. We had no problem telling them no because it's a very sacred day and should be expressed the way each couple wants it to be. For us that meant an intimate day with our inner circle of supporters.

      #13 Allaballa

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        Posted 11 October 2007 - 01:28 PM

        When we first got engaged and decided on a destination wedding my entire distant family thought that I was paying for everyone to go down (can you imagine!!!). I had to actually bite my lip so I wouldn't burst into laughter while talking to a third cousin and politely explaining that the cost to go down would be bared by the guests. Its odd, but at first EVERYONE wanted to go. But once everyone undertood that I wasn't footing the bill for them the numbers tapered off....

        So I don't fully understand why people would spend a lot of money to go to someones wedding if they were not close to the couple. As for the co-workers I just told them that they might feel out of place as its all family and close friends. Oh and I also told everyone at work about how expensive the location is and better deals can be had elsewhere (just in case they got any ideas of coming along).

        #14 starchild

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          Posted 11 October 2007 - 01:33 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Allaballa
          When we first got engaged and decided on a destination wedding my entire distant family thought that I was paying for everyone to go down (can you imagine!!!).
          Omg how funny...you must have dreaded those conversations...lol

          #15 A10CalGal

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            Posted 11 October 2007 - 01:50 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Allaballa
            When we first got engaged and decided on a destination wedding my entire distant family thought that I was paying for everyone to go down (can you imagine!!!).
            Unbelievable! Do they think you are Bill Gates or what? Wow.

            #16 starfish kate

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              Posted 11 October 2007 - 02:08 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by foxytv
              Not the same problem you are faced with ... as we actually are inviting everyone (wwaayy too many people -- like friends of FI's parents who we've never even met) but most of the "aren't I invited" people won't actually come anyway. Our invitations invite everyone to both the DW and AHR, with the RSVP card asking for responses to each event. We have almost 50 people booked so far ... with maybe another 20 once the actual invites go out. We are okay with just "friends" coming -- so I know this isn't much help ... but I didn't want to make 2 different sets of invites, etc, so we just decided if we wanted them at the AHR, we'd invite them to the whole she-bang ... knowing (hoping) many will only make it to the AHR.
              I thought about doing this, but it would be 200+ people and that sort of defeats the purpose... I have a pretty large family and most of us are really close, but Mike's is small. I think he's worried that my family will be overwhelming. I'd love to cut the list, but I don't think that's an option. I've got a few months before I do STD's, but I'd like to try to have all of this figured out now.
              Kate

              #17 coreyphil

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                Posted 11 October 2007 - 04:24 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by starfish kate
                I thought about doing this, but it would be 200+ people and that sort of defeats the purpose... I have a pretty large family and most of us are really close, but Mike's is small. I think he's worried that my family will be overwhelming. I'd love to cut the list, but I don't think that's an option. I've got a few months before I do STD's, but I'd like to try to have all of this figured out now.

                If your family is really close ... then absolutely invite them! The way I see it is --- if it is a person that you even THINK you would miss being there on your wedding day, then you need to invite them. I can honestly say that we have made sure to include all of the people that we truly feel that way about. We have had a few "I wonder if we SHOULD have invited so-and-so ..." - like FI's Boss who we've known for years --- but in the end, we decided that it was OK not to invite those people. I especially agree with the idea that if you do have a smaller circle of really CLOSE family and friends ... anyones that aren't that close may feel uncomfortable! As for your family being bigger than your FI's - you can't help that! I'm an only child and I love being around big families because I'm usually jealous at how fun they have!

                I think that I read somewhere that when planning a DW - you should never invite anyone that you don't really want to come because they'll be the one that is sure to show up! As tacky as that might sound - I think it probably rings true!

                You're smart to be thinking about it beforehand ... I know things can seem somewhat overwhelming in the beginning ... but the fact that the two of you are talking about it means that you will eventually figure out what's best for you!

                #18 brigopens

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                  Posted 12 October 2007 - 12:48 AM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by coreyphil
                  If your family is really close ... then absolutely invite them!

                  I think that I read somewhere that when planning a DW - you should never invite anyone that you don't really want to come because they'll be the one that is sure to show up! As tacky as that might sound - I think it probably rings true!

                  You're smart to be thinking about it beforehand ... I know things can seem somewhat overwhelming in the beginning ... but the fact that the two of you are talking about it means that you will eventually figure out what's best for you!

                  OK, well, thins turned out well for us so far, so let me tell you how we did it. I work in a large medical office with several other surgeons and PAs... That's also where Amy & I met, so we know lots of people there pretty well and they have known us before and during the entire 6 years we've been dating/engaged. We invited anyone we thought would be fun to have there and included all of the surgeons so as not to cause any ripples... Our take was that while we wanted some to make it more than others, there were not any that we would be upset to have there. We also made it clear on an inclosure with the invites that we knew many people would not be able to make it and we didn't want anyone to feel pressured. It was wored perfectly in my opinion. We had three options for replies, saying Yes - Not Sure yet but keep in touch - No, but keep me posted on plans for a reception closer to home...

                  I definitely would not invite anyone that you DO NOT want there! But, in reality, it's a big party and celebration for your wedding. You can choose who you spend more or less time with while there.
                  Our Bridal Party in Mexico

                  #19 starfish kate

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                    Posted 12 October 2007 - 08:38 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by coreyphil
                    If your family is really close ... then absolutely invite them! The way I see it is --- if it is a person that you even THINK you would miss being there on your wedding day, then you need to invite them. I can honestly say that we have made sure to include all of the people that we truly feel that way about. We have had a few "I wonder if we SHOULD have invited so-and-so ..." - like FI's Boss who we've known for years --- but in the end, we decided that it was OK not to invite those people. I especially agree with the idea that if you do have a smaller circle of really CLOSE family and friends ... anyones that aren't that close may feel uncomfortable! As for your family being bigger than your FI's - you can't help that! I'm an only child and I love being around big families because I'm usually jealous at how fun they have!

                    I think that I read somewhere that when planning a DW - you should never invite anyone that you don't really want to come because they'll be the one that is sure to show up! As tacky as that might sound - I think it probably rings true!

                    You're smart to be thinking about it beforehand ... I know things can seem somewhat overwhelming in the beginning ... but the fact that the two of you are talking about it means that you will eventually figure out what's best for you!
                    I'm definitely inviting my whole family and close friends but our total list of people to invite (right now) is about 80, and 55 of them are my family. So if Mike invites his entire family and close friends, they will still be out numbered. I guess I can't be concerned about that- he needs to get over it. He has a lot more close friends than I do, but my family is closer. I also like the idea that the trip is a way for our families and friends to bond and get to know one another better.
                    Kate

                    #20 JABride

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                      Posted 14 October 2007 - 03:22 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by dragonfly
                      We didn't have this problem, we invited all of our family and close friends, and if anyone expressed an interest in wanting to be there we invited them. We figured if they were willing to go so far to be with us to get married, then they were more then welcomed.
                      We did the same thing ... inviting 300 guests but really hoping for max. 100 to actually show up in Jamaica ... it is risky but we figure that we are going to pay the extra costs if a lot more people make the effort and spend the money to come ... we will see a few months before the wedding who RSVPs ... sorry, doesn't help you but this is how we avoided the situation ...




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