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starfish kate

What do you say to those who aren't invited?

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I just told people it was "REALLY SMALL". They didn't have to know I had 55 guests! For all they know, I had 10 guests! It seemed to do the trick...

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I just say that I wish we could afford to invite everyone, but unfortunatly, we both have huge families and we are already over our limit.

 

we invited so many people, so those are that asking to come, really are not close. Most are friends or family of other guests (ie. my SIL's aunt!) so I don't care if I way no to them.

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We'll have a small guest list too. I plan to blame it on the expense. We aren't in a rich circle of friends anyway, so I'm just going to say "I didn't want to imposition anyone by asking people other than family to bear the expense of coming. If we were doing it at home, I'd have everyone we know there."

 

The people we aren't inviting are the people who probably wouldn't want to incur the expense just for us. They aren't close relatives, and they aren't close friends, so I would feel kind of odd expecting them to travel all that way on their own dime for us.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonfly View Post
We didn't have this problem, we invited all of our family and close friends, and if anyone expressed an interest in wanting to be there we invited them. We figured if they were willing to go so far to be with us to get married, then they were more then welcomed.

That's exactly what we are thinking! the more the merrier! It's an all inclusive hotel.. more people makes no difference to our budget, except for favours, which we aren't going hog wild on anyway.

*shrug*

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Originally Posted by Debs View Post
That's exactly what we are thinking! the more the merrier! It's an all inclusive hotel.. more people makes no difference to our budget, except for favours, which we aren't going hog wild on anyway.

*shrug*
Will your reception be free too? A lot of people pay per guest for the reception even at an AI.

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FI and I had a rule "If we don't smile when we think of XXXX, they are NOT invited, period"

 

We invited about 80 people and expect about 25 to 35 to actually come to Hawaii.

 

As for the others - my mom is our gatekeeper (HAHA) - when my dad's cousins and 'distant' (meaning NEVER gave an F--K about me before but feel they should be invited to my wedding) relatives started calling her and bitching about how far and how expensive Hawaii is, she was like, "don't worry about, you're not invited anyway - only immediate family and close friends". FI and laughed our asses off!!!!

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Originally Posted by Morgan View Post
Will your reception be free too? A lot of people pay per guest for the reception even at an AI.

Yes, everything except the champagne I think is all included. What's a couple of bottles of champagne?!

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Don't say anything to them first, it will make it more awkward.

If someone asks, just say that due to your budget, you weren't able to invite everyone you wanted.

That's it. You do not owe a big, long explanation to everyone.

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So I'm late but I'll share my "Oh crap" moment in case others have this same problem.

 

We invited anyone that was interested in going. We don't have an AI but we kind of thought "The more the merrier." However, I'm not close with my dad's family- AT ALL. I'm not close with my dad either and view my step-dad as my real father. I decided not to invite any of my dad's family, including dad himself. I felt they would bring unwanted drama.

 

Unfortunately, my FSIL knows my aunt and uncle from my dad's side (wasn't aware of this) and she showed them her wedding pictures. I was in a few...so she informed them of my wedding. They freaked out on her and she warned me that they were really pissed.

 

I haven't seen them in YEARS and then I run into them one day out of the blue. They confront FI (whom they don't even know) and me and tell me I'm getting married in MX because my mom manipulated it all. When I told them that we wanted to have a small intimate wedding and it had nothing to do with my mom, they then told us that it wasn't going to be "real." No one would be there to share in our love. I just told them "I'm sorry you feel that way" and went on with our business. I was PISSED but I kept it in check because I don't really care that they are angry. I'm just pissed at their nerve.

 

So just to warn all brides out there to be prepared. Some people may get mad when they have no reason to be. If you aren't close, end of story. Why would they think they need to be involved with the wedding? Some crazies think they deserve the invite.

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Originally Posted by LC_Rachel View Post
So I'm late but I'll share my "Oh crap" moment in case others have this same problem.

We invited anyone that was interested in going. We don't have an AI but we kind of thought "The more the merrier." However, I'm not close with my dad's family- AT ALL. I'm not close with my dad either and view my step-dad as my real father. I decided not to invite any of my dad's family, including dad himself. I felt they would bring unwanted drama.

Unfortunately, my FSIL knows my aunt and uncle from my dad's side (wasn't aware of this) and she showed them her wedding pictures. I was in a few...so she informed them of my wedding. They freaked out on her and she warned me that they were really pissed.

I haven't seen them in YEARS and then I run into them one day out of the blue. They confront FI (whom they don't even know) and me and tell me I'm getting married in MX because my mom manipulated it all. When I told them that we wanted to have a small intimate wedding and it had nothing to do with my mom, they then told us that it wasn't going to be "real." No one would be there to share in our love. I just told them "I'm sorry you feel that way" and went on with our business. I was PISSED but I kept it in check because I don't really care that they are angry. I'm just pissed at their nerve.

So just to warn all brides out there to be prepared. Some people may get mad when they have no reason to be. If you aren't close, end of story. Why would they think they need to be involved with the wedding? Some crazies think they deserve the invite.
This is what I'm afraid of! I might be over-reacting, but I've already had one couple, my parents friends, bugging me about a date so they can secure their timeshare. I wasn't going to invite them but now it's getting sticky. My parents said "of course we have to invite them, they're our friends." So this opens up another whole can of worms about who's paying for what. Ugh. At this point my dad says, "until there's a ring on your finger, there's nothing to discuss." Men- always a black-and-white response. :)

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