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Undecided Bride - to say I DO or not


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#1 Chayness120590

Chayness120590
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  • 11 posts

    Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

    Hi,

     

    I am Chai, planning to get marry this January 30, 2013.

    I've been with my fiance for two years, we've been through UPS and DOWNS 

    (most of the time DOWNS)

    Anyways, he been always asking me to marry him. 

    Not in a traditional way but Civil wedding.

    I didn't agree to that, in the first place I am still not sure if I want to get married.

    He is now 27 and i am still 22 years old.

    He maybe sure of what he is saying, or should i say he just get into the flow.

    I am 3 months pregnant, and my parents ask him for his plan.

    He says to marry me, but then it went to be too SOON.

    I maybe excited but most of the time CONFUSED..

    Will this marriage life be a success? or just another mistake.

    I get the point of my parents, but in my own opinion, 

    marriage should be PLANNED very well and there should NO SECOND THOUGHTS.

    Can someone advice me what to do?

    I am still not ready to marry, but I will be such a disgrace to my family if i end up 

    pregnant and doesn't have a husband.

    your opinion will be much appreciated.

     

    Thanks,

    Manilyn

     



    #2 Dreamydiva101

    Dreamydiva101
    • Newbie
    • 1 posts

      Posted 30 January 2013 - 06:53 AM

      Chai,

       

      Please understand that having a baby is a much bigger decision to contemplate than marriage. I will not get into the whole pro life/choice topic but I will say that life is what you make it. If you cannot say that your fiance is truly your better half and will be an excellent father to your child then consider focusing more on a plan for your child than pending nuptials.



      #3 avonladee

      avonladee
      • Newbie
      • 110 posts

        Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:07 AM

        Originally Posted by Chayness120590 

        Hi,

         

        I am Chai, planning to get marry this January 30, 2013.

        I've been with my fiance for two years, we've been through UPS and DOWNS 

        (most of the time DOWNS)

        Anyways, he been always asking me to marry him. 

        Not in a traditional way but Civil wedding.

        I didn't agree to that, in the first place I am still not sure if I want to get married.

        He is now 27 and i am still 22 years old.

        He maybe sure of what he is saying, or should i say he just get into the flow.

        I am 3 months pregnant, and my parents ask him for his plan.

        He says to marry me, but then it went to be too SOON.

        I maybe excited but most of the time CONFUSED..

        Will this marriage life be a success? or just another mistake.

        I get the point of my parents, but in my own opinion, 

        marriage should be PLANNED very well and there should NO SECOND THOUGHTS.

        Can someone advice me what to do?

        I am still not ready to marry, but I will be such a disgrace to my family if i end up 

        pregnant and doesn't have a husband.

        your opinion will be much appreciated.

         

        Thanks,

        Manilyn

         

        Hello Manilyn

         

        I am sorry you are having a hard time deciding. I hope that you choose the best decision,

        I read this on Facebook yesterday, I am not sure of the author. But it is a really good read. I hope it helps :)

         

        Take Care

        Melisa

         

         

        AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

        During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

        The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

        Here's the answer.

        Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

        People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

        Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

        Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

        At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

        The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

        People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

        Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

         

         

        I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

        Because (listen carefully to this):

        The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

        SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

        Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

        Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

        Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO



        #4 Mufin1785

        Mufin1785
        • Jr. Member
        • 438 posts

          Posted 30 January 2013 - 08:12 AM

          no one should get married just because of a pregnancy.   You need to do what is best for you. 



          #5 Lyman

          Lyman
          • Jr. Member
          • 262 posts

            Posted 30 January 2013 - 11:16 AM

            Wow, Melisa - what a great article you found.......thx a lot for sharing!

            it sounds like very good advice, and something it would be so helpful for all couples to know "going in" .......could make their lives so much richer, easier and better - Big Win! 



            #6 avonladee

            avonladee
            • Newbie
            • 110 posts

              Posted 30 January 2013 - 01:18 PM

              Originally Posted by Lyman 

              Wow, Melisa - what a great article you found.......thx a lot for sharing!

              it sounds like very good advice, and something it would be so helpful for all couples to know "going in" .......could make their lives so much richer, easier and better - Big Win! 

              Yes I thought it was great also.

              Maybe I should go back and find the author, and make a new post for all brides to read.

              Very deep!

               

              Thank You :)



              #7 feebi

              feebi
              • Jr. Member
              • 154 posts

                Posted 30 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

                Originally Posted by avonladee 

                Hello Manilyn

                 

                I am sorry you are having a hard time deciding. I hope that you choose the best decision,

                I read this on Facebook yesterday, I am not sure of the author. But it is a really good read. I hope it helps :)

                 

                Take Care

                Melisa

                 

                 

                AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

                During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

                The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

                Here's the answer.

                Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

                People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

                Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

                Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

                At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

                The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

                People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

                Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

                 

                 

                I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

                Because (listen carefully to this):

                The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

                SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

                Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

                Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

                Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO

                 

                This is so true. Thanks for sharing. 



                #8 cerise

                cerise
                • Newbie
                • 44 posts

                  Posted 07 February 2013 - 02:37 AM

                  Originally Posted by avonladee 

                  Hello Manilyn

                   

                  I am sorry you are having a hard time deciding. I hope that you choose the best decision,

                  I read this on Facebook yesterday, I am not sure of the author. But it is a really good read. I hope it helps :)

                   

                  Take Care

                  Melisa

                   

                   

                  AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

                  During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

                  The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

                  Here's the answer.

                  Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

                  People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

                  Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

                  Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

                  At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

                  The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

                  People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

                  Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

                   

                   

                  I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

                  Because (listen carefully to this):

                  The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

                  SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

                  Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

                  Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

                  Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO

                  Thank you for sharing.






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