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Mom does not take my DW seriously...

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My mom is on my nerves and I just need to vent.


She can't seem to take it seriously that we want to have a destination wedding. FI and I are planning on paying for all of it unless she wants to give some. FI has family issues, so its just going to be easier to have a destination wedding.


I feel like I can't tell her anything about it.


When we were with family, my aunt asked me is we had a date and what we were thinking of doing. My mom says, "yeah... she wants to get married in Scotland... HA!"


Well, gee, mom...yeah I do, I have already contacted a planner and we're narrowing down venues.

Tonight I asked her if she would like to see some of the venues we're looking at... "no."


I said, "um... why?"

"Because I'm not going" - supposedly "joking".


Its just irritating... do you want to be involved in the wedding planning or not? Because this is what we're doing and FI and I deserve more respect. When my FSIL is talking about her wedding plans its like "OH LET'S ALL SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT AND LISTEN."


Even before, my mom asked me to bring up FSIL and my brother's wedding to FSIL because FSIL was feeling like her friends weren't excited enough.


My wedding is a few months after FSIL and brother's.


I just want to tell my mother to take her own advice. She and FSIL had a rough time a few years ago, so sometimes my mom is overly concerned about hurting my FSIL's supposedly hyper-sensitive feelings... but she quite obviously couldn't care less about whether or not she was hurting mine. This of course isn't the only issue my mom and I have ever had... she frequently makes me fee like less-than (pretty much "joked" that I was stupid for most of my life) and has for most of my life even though she would say otherwise.


Also I should add - this would have nothing to do with my mom being able to afford or not afford the wedding. Someone else asked me that. She and my dad both have more than enough money to afford coming... The farthest she's gone is Canada and that was almost 20 years ago. And I'm tired of it... I want to get out and see the world. She always says she wants to go over there.. but when? She always has some excuse.

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You are so not alone. I reached out, spoke to my father about my feelings and then did me. From this point forward she will have to meet me more than half way, she is welcome to be involved but I will not be asking and inviting only to be rejected. Good luck.

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My family is from the South and they are very traditional when it comes to weddings, especially mine. They expect me to get married in the family chuch I grew up in but that doesn't work because FI and I are of two separate faiths and we want a beach wedding so we just figured we'd make a DW. My family lives four states away so they'd have to travel either way so I don't get what the big deal is. If it were up to me, we'd just elope and be done with it instead of having to deal with all this stress and criticism from people who probably won't even come anyway.

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