Is anyone else dealing with a difficult mother - that you already aren't very close with to begin with?

[Kay6356]

Hey ladies, I am in search of anyone else who is dealing with a difficult mother. My mom and I have never really seen eye to eye on anything-I thought this may be a nice time in life to put our differences aside and include her in my wedding preparation. Wrong! She is trying to tell me who I can and cannot invite to my wedding (including my fathers family whom I'm very close with.) is anyone else dealing with this sort of thing? What do I do??? I'm inviting whoever FI and I want to OUR wedding but I want my mom to get off my back and enjoy this time with me. Thanks.

[Branya2012]

Talk to her about it! Even if you have a rocky relationship and she isn't receptive to having an adult conversation about it, you can rest easy that you tried to handle it maturely at first. Good on you for taking the high road to involve your mom in the wedding process! Hopefully she sees your way and can be happy for you (and helpful!) during this time.

 

[jolene028]

It isn't my mom but my FI mom she has one reason after another why she can't come, she doesnt wear shorts, she doesnt like the heat, she can't take more than 4 days off work at a time! Are you kidding me we offered to pay and this is your oldest sons wedding stop being so selfish and just commit and come! I dont even know how much more I can talk to her and be nice about it!!!!!

[Kay6356]

I'm sorry your dealing with something similar Jolene028 its so hard. Thank you Branya2012 for your positive outlook on things!

[iLuvPinkNPurple]

Hi Kay6356! We're on the same boat, but with my mum in law. Every time she makes a suggestion, yes I listen to her, but in the end we remind her that it's still up to us if we're gonna use her suggestions or not. I know she gets a BIT disappointed but she gotta accept that! Now in your case, you gotta be open to your wedding preferences. Speak up, it's your wedding. I think she'd understand and a fight shouldn't be in the picture. Stay away from bad vibes! Moms tend to bit stubborn and they still think of us as their little babies so  I think it's best to always remind her that you're in charge at times when she becomes a control freak over your wedding. Remind her in a nice and polite way. Good luck and hope we all have our dream weddings come true!

[Kay6356]

Thanks you! I will continue to do what I have been doing which is reminding her it is our wedding. We can't let anyone ruin our special days!!! Best of luck with your mom in law as well girl.

[sgreen99]

Dealing with a very difficult FMIL....She is pretty bat sh*t crazy to begin with (refused to speak to me for the first 2 1/2 years of our relationship because we "lived in sin" - yeah, one of those....).  Now that we are engaged (which my FI explained was always the plan, he just didn't want to rush it), magically she can speak to me, weird.  She started to come around a little bit and even asked me a couple of times how the planning was going (this is huge, trust me).  Now, she's telling my FI that she doesn't know if she can make it BECAUSE SHE CAN'T MISS ONE WEEK OF HER CORRESPONDANCE PROGRAM.  She had never worked a day in her life and decided after getting divorced that she wants to go back to school (on FI's father's dime of course).  Really?!?  He oldest son is getting married and she seems like she couldn't care less.  This wedding has just made me want to shake some people.  What don't people understand about your son/daughter/sibling getting married?  A year in advance is plenty of time for people to sort their stuff out, it just boggles my mind.  FI has been more relaxed about it (the most important thing is that he and I are there, obv), but today is finally starting to lose it too as key people keep busting out these excuses, it's really unbelievable. 

Having a destination wedding certainly tells you who your true friends are, and what family members really have your best interests at heart.

[Tulumbride2013]

FMILs can be a serious pain. I don't have it as bad as sgreen, but I have a baby, and that was hard. Those months of her just telling me I was doing everything wrong..Grrrr. Thank goodness she has stopped that crap and hasn't even bothered to try to control my wedding plans.

[Kay6356]

I just don't understand why ... But I have come to the conclusion that she isn't going to change, and I can't dwell on her negativity!

[sgreen99]

I would just cut her out of the planning.  Tell her you're going on about your wedding planning, if she would like to be supportive and helpful (and not bossy and intrusive) then she can join you, if not then she looses out on helping her daughter plan her wedding...