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Off Your Chest


TammyB

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Originally Posted by dragonfly View Post
Dear Dad~

Happy Birthday, I wish you were here so we could celebrate, I can't believe you have been gone for a year already, I miss you so much. I can't
seem to get my act together life is just so damn lonely without you in it. The kids miss you so very much, Kenda misses her "how's my lil princess", moments with you, and Nicole is missing her book buddy. Timothy tries so hard to take care of his gramma, you would be proud, he cuts her grass takes out her garbage and calls her everyday. Liam well he is growing everyday and I fight to keep the memory of you alive.

I thought I knew how much you did for all of us, but I guess I never really knew the extent. It is so much work taking care of Nicole without your help, juggling the kids and hospital visits, and therapy without grampa picking up the slack has been difficult. Your steady resolve that Nicole will get better has left me, I need to hear your reassuring voice that all will work out.

I got married without you, it was hard, it was beautiful but you were really missed. Timothy is getting confrmed, he doesn't want to without his grampa by his side like all your other grandchilden had you, not sure how to handle this one. Our house is beautiful, thankyou for all your hard work you put in to it in the planning stages, I'm sorry you never got to see it.

I'm sorry about many things, I am sorry that the cancer was missed because you were so wrapped up in what I needed from you in regards to Nicole. I'm sorry that when I noticed you were tired, I thought it was because you were taking care of my kids, plus driving to sick kids everyday to make sure I had dinner, and Nicole was doing okay. I am sorry that the last year of your life were spent worrying about us. I am sorry you cancelled your cruise with mom because you didn't want to leave us while Nicole was so sick, and I am sorry that mom is now on a cruise with a new man that she has met. I am sorry we didn't make it to Ireland, I will go one day in your memory, I promise. I am sorry that no longer believe in God, I know how important he was to you, and maybe then your death would be easier. I am sorry that I have not been the strong person you raised me to be lately, I keep trying but life just keeps pushing me down. I am sorry that I went to get coffee and you died without me by your side.

Dad I would have made a birthday dinner for you, as I always did we would have sat around the table drinking red wine, talking politics(no one wants to do that with me) enjoying the friendship that I was lucky enough to have with you in adulthood. I don't fit in in our family anymore, I try, mom tries, Cathie tries, and Sean tries but we all know that it was you and I that were bound to each other and no one quite understands me. We will keep trying Dad because once we stop we will lose what you were all about, your family.

I am heading to the cemetary in the morning, I hope I have yet to make it inside the gates, but I am going to give it a try, Liam baked cupcakes and wants to picnic, we'll see.

Dad I love you, I miss you,
Kelly~
Kelly,
Never forget that you are your father's daughter. He lives inside you and even while you grieve him, take consolation from the fact that because you shared such a strong bond with your dad, you exemplify him in everything you're doing. When you take care of Kenda, you're keeping him alive to your children. When you keep making an effort with your family, even if you don't feel as strong of a bond with them, you are living what your father taught you.

Having seen a parent/child relationship like the one you describe, gives me the ability say this with absolute certainty: You are keeping your father's memory alive because your children see your dad in you everyday! In you, they see the same qualities you saw in your dad. And just like your dad passed down little pieces of himself in your personality, so you are doing with your kids.

Your father's presence was a gift for you; He showed you and taught you things that you were only meant to learn from him. You are better after having learned these things, and now you can share and teach them to others.
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Dear Kelly's dad,

 

Happy Birthday! Kelly and family miss you lots. Please send them comfort and let Kelly know that you are proud of her and she is stronger than she knows. Let her know it is okay that she didn't make it in the gates, you aren't there anyway, you are where she is.

 

Dear Kelly,

 

Hang in there sweetie. Maria said it best, you are keeping your father alive every day. Cry when you want to and talk to him because he can hear you. I hope things get easier as time passes. It's okay to be mad at God, the good thing is if you feel like not being mad anymore there is no harm done. As always, I wish health to your babies and peace in your heart hug2.gif

 

~Jamy

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Dear FH:

 

Doing the dishes does not mean loading the dishwasher and leaving the pan in the sink to "soak". The pan had nothing stuck to it, it would have been very easy to clean. Now I get to clean it this morning, just like always. When I cook and you do the dishes that's great, but DO ALL OF THE DISHES, not just what you feel like doing!!!!!!!!!!!!

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