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A10CalGal

So pissed at DH!!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by IrieBride08 View Post
I think that making him ride the bus and be responsible for his own transportation needs will help him develop character and become more mature. He really will have no reason to if everything is done for him on his terms.

Is this something you can discuss with DH? I mean, 16 is practically a grown man! (Why doesn't he ride the bus? Is it safe?)
I couldn't agree more! This has been my stance from day one. Yes, he's sixteen years old, has the body of a man. He is "grown up" when it suits him - you know, when he stays out until 2am and comes home with alcohol on his breath, when he has a girlfriend, etc.

I think my hubby really feels this way too, yet he allows his guilt about having "children of divorce" get to him and he spoils this child by not requiring him to step up. Clearly this is an issue. When Rafael gets to the point where hes pissed by his sons behavior, then he lays down the law & requires something of him...then it slips back to this.

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Originally Posted by DreaW View Post
I'm sorry but how is that a reward....take him out to dinner? Sorry the teacher side of me is coming out :)
I think you need to have a small casual meeting with both men in the house and talk to them about it.
Totally agreed girlfriend. One thing I've been wanting to discuss is that Richard starts this whole "I want to go live with mom" conversation at like 10:00 at night, which is when Rafael is going to bed. So I hear pieces & parts of the discussion, my anxiety level goes up, Rafael comes to bed & I know he is distraught, none of us sleep, it sucks. (this happened on Sunday night, and has happened twice before, same thing). So, might as well roll it all into one convo I guess. Dammit!

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I'm sorry but you don't have to deal with this.

My nephew Jeremy has a tendency of doing homework the last minute and when I hear this I immediately call Cindy and tell her I want to talk to Jeremy. Well I lecture him to death.... :)

 

Totally do the talk with both Richard and Rafael but do it when you are not really really upset

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It sounds like he's manipulating the situation (his father's guilt). I hate that, but it's so common! Where's the Super Nanny when we need her! LOL!!

 

Seriously, DH needs some help to not feel guilty. Setting boundaries for Richard is what he needs. I think the consistency will do him good. All this is easier said than done.

 

My FI has a disabled daughter and he lets her get away with craziness and will blame her disability. The thing is, despite it, she has a LOT of sense and is very manipulative with her father. I'm the only one that will put her in her place--which is hard cuz I'm the step parent.

 

I completely feel you with this situation!

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You wanna call & lecture the boys for me? :)

 

Richard is totally in that everything last minute phase - homework, laundry, getting up, everything. I suppose that's normal to a degree. But definitely I am starting to get resentful because we are busting our asses to make stuff happen here, and he's just being an ungrateful little sh*t!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by IrieBride08 View Post
It sounds like he's manipulating the situation (his father's guilt). I hate that, but it's so common! Where's the Super Nanny when we need her! LOL!!

Seriously, DH needs some help to not feel guilty. Setting boundaries for Richard is what he needs. I think the consistency will do him good. All this is easier said than done.

My FI has a disabled daughter and he lets her get away with craziness and will blame her disability. The thing is, despite it, she has a LOT of sense and is very manipulative with her father. I'm the only one that will put her in her place--which is hard cuz I'm the step parent.

I completely feel you with this situation!
I love you! Thank you for sharing, and understanding the tough position of being a step-mother.

DH and I have def had conversations about how he needs to let go of this guilt. He recognizes it, but he is clearly having trouble being consistent. I asked him if he thought counseling would help. He thought it might. It really sucks to see all this go on, it's horrible. Even worse, his younger son that lives with his mom is on a serious down hill slide - eighth grade and he has 3 F's and a D already...no expectations at home. He is going to grow up to be a dependent mama's boy. God help us.

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Originally Posted by A10CALGAL View Post
I love you! Thank you for sharing, and understanding the tough position of being a step-mother.

DH and I have def had conversations about how he needs to let go of this guilt. He recognizes it, but he is clearly having trouble being consistent. I asked him if he thought counseling would help. He thought it might. It really sucks to see all this go on, it's horrible. Even worse, his younger son that lives with his mom is on a serious down hill slide - eighth grade and he has 3 F's and a D already...no expectations at home. He is going to grow up to be a dependent mama's boy. God help us.
I think counseling would help just to help him let it go. All I can say is that being in this situation is extremely challenging. This is a big part of why FI and I have had such a long dating relationship. It took me three years to decide if it was something I could truly handle!

It's so sad how these broken relationships affect the children. I was watching Oprah's show on "Children of Divorce" and it had me sobbing! I'll keep your other step-son in my prayers.

But I do think that "tuff love" is what the older one needs. Maybe you can tell him that if he wants a ride, it's HIS responsibility to wake you up in enough time for you to take him. I wouldn't take that on for him anymore and spend my time trying to help him get ready!

I'm glad to be your sister in the fight to help our DH/FI get through this tuff situation! (As long as you respond when it's MY turn to rant!)

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Hey Christa, maybe tomorrow morning you can sleep in and when Richard wakes you up for a ride or when Rafael calls to say "How come Richard isn't in school?" you can say, "Oh, I decided last night that I was going to sleep in today. I guess I forgot to tell you. Oh well." I'm sure he'll make sure he NEVER "forgets" to tell you anything again. LOL!!!

 

I know two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes you have to prove your point with actions when words don't get through.

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Originally Posted by JenandBrendan View Post
Hey Christa, maybe tomorrow morning you can sleep in and when Richard wakes you up for a ride or when Rafael calls to say "How come Richard isn't in school?" you can say, "Oh, I decided last night that I was going to sleep in today. I guess I forgot to tell you. Oh well." I'm sure he'll make sure he NEVER "forgets" to tell you anything again. LOL!!!

I know two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes you have to prove your point with actions when words don't get through.
Such I good idea, Jen.

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