Jump to content

Dealing with so much negativity


jello
 Share

Recommended Posts

OK, I need to rant.  

 

Just got off the phone with my mother, who was calling to tell me about some acquaintance of hers who had a brother who got diarrhea this one time in Mexico.  A few weeks ago, she had to tell me all about some person she heard of who ate bad pork and got a worm in his brain (?!), and last month, it was news report after news report about all the violence going on in Mexico (yeah, 2000 miles away from the Riviera Maya).  

 

From the beginning, my parents have been fighting us on having a destination wedding.  I've had to deal with a never-ending stream of questions and negativity.  "Will it rain?" "What if the guests get lost?" "Do the restaurant workers there wash their hands?"  Well, I have no control over the weather, people can get lost anywhere, and I haven't personally inspected every single restaurant in the Riviera Maya, but millions of people go there and manage to have a good time, so they must be doing something right.

 

Everyone else has expressed happiness and excitement, including my fiancé's parents, who said it looks like a beautiful location that they're very much looking forward to visiting.  If any of the other guests have negative thoughts, they're smart enough to keep it to themselves.  And I know that at the end of the day my parents will come and bring lots of love to our wedding, but in the meantime, they're sure doing an excellent job of driving me nuts!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My uncle told me this weekend that he knew someone once who went to Mexico and somehow got really sick (drinking the water...) and since he already has a bad liver he probably won't chance it. Ummmm hello...don't drink the water then!? It actually just made me laugh... I'm sure there will be plenty more of these stories the closer we get to the wedding. Deep breaths. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We dealt with a lot of negativity and actually sent out an email addressing guests' concerns. We wrote it in a comedic way and actually provided some articles about how the violence/crime in Mexico is actually not even as close to as bad as some cities in the US.

 

We also made sure we put some Tums in our OOT bags and I made my doctor write me a prescription for antibiotics in case I got sick while down there. I think maybe one person in our 42 guests had issues. It happens, but it's not as common as everyone thinks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I totally know how you feel! A few weeks ago my mom wrote me an email detailing all the bad things that people said about the resort we're staying in based on reviews on trip advisor. Never mind the fact that the overwhelming majority of the reviews are "excellent," she decided to focus on the few negative reviews. I still can't for the life of me figure out why she sent me that email. All of our deposits are booked, so we're not changing the resort, so what gives?

 

Have your parents done a lot of traveling? Mine have barely traveled anywhere so I'm chalking up all the negative comments and such to them being nervous or just wanting as much information as possible before going. Could you keep the wedding talk to a minimum with them until they start showing more excitement? It might help prevent the negative comments from coming up, or maybe just say "thanks for letting me know" and then move on to something else.

 

Anyways, I understand what you're going through. What can you do, eh. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the input, everyone.  Deeply appreciated. 

 

I had a chat with my mom where I explained to her that while I understood she has only the best of intentions and just wants to make sure no one get sick or hurt, good intentions doesn't always mean good deeds.  I explained that my fiancé and I put a lot of work into choosing our hotel, and that all of these negative comments were hurtful to us, even if she didn't mean them that way.  She seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be better!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been getting a lot of this from my FI's family, who does not travel much. Between work and fun, I've been to more than 7 different Mexican cities more than 20 times, drank the water, eaten from street carts and never had an issue. I ended up putting a whole page on my wedding website with stats on the crime (and how it's as far away as Chicago to San Fran from where we are), and other concerns. Now when I hear grief, I just direct them there- to documented facts! So frustrating!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 months later...
Originally Posted by Jenna1511 View Post

 

I'm with you tulumbride2013. The complaining or negativity is a bit overwhelming! So come and be positive and excited! Or don't come and we will see you at the AHR!

First deposits are due in 2 weeks with our wedding...and I have heard so much negativity including from my own mother who, just today,asked me if we can take OUR deposit back in case we call the weddin off or if not many ppl go....................................i told her, honestly, if no one comes and it's just us, i'm OK with it....i just don't want ppl coming if they dont want to (aka my sister) and if they are going to go with a long face or throw it in MY face that they are broke or in debt because of OUR wedding......honestly, i told her...if ppl want to come, great, if not, then GREAT. lol She and my sister think I am pretty SELFISH because I think this way.  I only think of "myself".....If I WAS thinking of ONLY myself, I would have picked a wedding at a MUCH swankier resort or somewhere more uncommon than Punta Cana....like Bora Bora! where one night is like $3k...We picked the GPPC because it was nice and the reviews are pretty darn good AND the price is way more than reasonable......but no one sees that part...smh.  *SERENITY NOW*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally Posted by Jenn963 View Post

 

First deposits are due in 2 weeks with our wedding...and I have heard so much negativity including from my own mother who, just today,asked me if we can take OUR deposit back in case we call the weddin off or if not many ppl go....................................i told her, honestly, if no one comes and it's just us, i'm OK with it....i just don't want ppl coming if they dont want to (aka my sister) and if they are going to go with a long face or throw it in MY face that they are broke or in debt because of OUR wedding......honestly, i told her...if ppl want to come, great, if not, then GREAT. lol She and my sister think I am pretty SELFISH because I think this way.  I only think of "myself".....If I WAS thinking of ONLY myself, I would have picked a wedding at a MUCH swankier resort or somewhere more uncommon than Punta Cana....like Bora Bora! where one night is like $3k...We picked the GPPC because it was nice and the reviews are pretty darn good AND the price is way more than reasonable......but no one sees that part...smh.  *SERENITY NOW*

People seem to forget that your wedding isn't about them, it's about YOU! I've had the same issues, non stop complaining and negativity. Now that We are almost 2 months away, I'm so done and have zero tolerance for it. It is so unnecessary!! The people who want to be there will make the effort to go and at the end of the day, all that matter is that you are marrying the man of your dreams. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • https://t.me/pump_upp - best crypto pumps on telegram Make 1000% and more within 1 day, join channel @pump_upp !
    • Verifpro.net - paypal, ebay, stripe, banks, crypto, docs and more! Follow channel https://t.me/Verifpro_accounts to get more info
    • The two people who matters the most in this situation? You and your partner. It is nice to get an outside opinion but if you have too much of it? It will get messy! I am replying you my response after that has happened to me with my wedding. Although it is quite hard, do not think of the negative opinions. The people who will turn up to your wedding? You will always cherish them even more! That is what has happened with me because my friendship with the people who attended my wedding has improved so much more that I know I can rely on them and they can rely on me. It is disappointing that people will not attend your wedding but it is their loss, not yours. At the end of the day, when they see pictures and videos of your big day they will definitely regret missing out on such event. I am waiting to deal with the aftermath of my wedding from my so called friends, if they say anything they will get an earful! Happy planning, your big day will be worth it! Keep us up to date!
    • Wow, I cannot believe it's been over a year since I last posted! Better keep everyone up to date as everything ended up positive in the end! So, let's start with the situation with W. From my previous post, I have serious consideration removing him from the groomsmen because of the hurtful things he has said to me. Not too after my second post, I asked him once again whether he wants to be part of the groomsmen. The response was around the lines of "I need more solid information". This was before the restriction were lifted. Then he said it was down to finances yet again, even though he said he could have made it but because of what A said, W didn't commit no more. As W was being difficult, I decided to drop him as a groomsmen altogether and replaced him with someone else. Plan B was already in motion and tbh, I wish I did this first to avoid any hassle. Everyone who got invited in plan B all committed themselves to the wedding!  The situation with A is this. I was feeling sad that I was losing this friendship and that spark with him was gone. By the time it was gone, A was "ready" to meet up with me to discuss life and the wedding. When I said I lost spark with him, I really did. I knew that he was ready to meet up with me because it was convenient for him. For example, he wanted to meet up with me because he was driving past my house or was in the area visiting his relative. If he was not doing those things he would not want to meet up with me. Needless to say, every time he kept asking, I just said I was busy. I think deep down something was not right between me and A but he does not want to acknowledge it. I know that W had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because that's what he is like. Around the end of last year, rather than messaging me about the DW he went behind my back and asked my SO. He was scared of asking me because he knows if he asked me, I would literally get angry at him. He's nosey and was happy enough to be part of the groomsmen but he listened to A. W didn't asked once but twice to mg SO. My SO just said that she was busy and should ask me about the wedding, not her. W did messagee but not about the wedding plans. I felt this was a sly move by his part. If anything not having A and W there was a blessing in disguise. I met up with the other 4 groomsmen over one weekend and it turns out it was the most fun we all have had for a while. It was as if we continued from the previous conversations in the past as if nothing has changed. I am so glad and proud of this group of groomsmen and glad the other 2 dropped out. The suit fitting went really well and we hung out again to see whether the suits altered fitted or not.  Unfortunately my SO UK group, 5 out of 6 declined the invite. Only 1 accepted it. The other 5 had reasons ranging from good ones to poorer ones 😅 As long one of them turned up then it was good enough for us. My SO's bridesmaids also were amazing. No problems caused whatsoever and they were really excited that our wedding was abroad too! To make things work out before our DW, myself and SO planned out 2 weekends for both groomsmen and bridesmaids to hang out before the DW. We did this so we would not encounter any awkwardness for the first time in DW. Lo and behold, everyone got to know each other and we really are happy that the wedding party weekend went smoothly. I will keep this ambiguous because I do not want A and his group finding out. I got married to my SO this year. What time and month? I will leave this intentionally blank. The wedding itself was everything we have expected. The wedding planner was amazing. The photographer was also amazing too, so glad we went for him. The sneak peak photos are absolutely great, couldn't imagine that the photos turned out like that. The good itself was okay could be better but could be worse. The first dance went relatively well although my SO managed to cock up s move which only I know hahahaha. The wedding ceremony itself went really quickly. I was a bag of nerves to which one of the groomsmen bought the groomsmen a shot each to calm everyone down. It did calm me down for a little bit but the nerves started again with the speeches. I got emotional throughout the speeches. I was not expecting the tear up with the best man speech at all. My speech was meant for my SO but for some reason everyone in the room also cried as well 😂 The all night dancing and fun was the best bit. When every serious part was done, I was able to stop being nervous! The fun went through the whole night and I can see everyone really enjoyed themselves. It was as if myself and SO correctly guess that lockdown restrictions would end. Everyone was thankful that they managed to take part in the DW because they all have been stranded in the country for 3 years! Do I regret having a DW? Hell no! Although it was a smaller party everything was all under control. Everyone had a great time!  More information about my UK group. Some of them congratulated us which was nice to hear. Those congratulated us, I can keep contact. They knew it was difficult coming to DW. At least they are mature enough to say something about it and they did not get the invite. On the other hand, A and W kept constantly monitoring my account for updates along with my SO. It got to the point that W really FOMO that he I followed our stories/posts. A on the other hand is completely out of order. He was invited to DW but made it really uncomfortable to me that he was not happy with DW. During that week, he went on holiday to Spain. I get that Spain is much more cheaper than my DW but it still is annoying. A also said before that he has a few weddings to attend during our DW month. He has not attended any weddings which makes me think that he has lied to me. A and W has lied to me saying it was costly for them to come to my DW. They have both bought PlayStation 5 and went to many designer outlets. If they are so stumped on money why go and buy things? It just shows that they are not good friends at all. Overall good DW. I do not regret it one bit because I know if I did it in the UK, the experience will be a lot different. The UK definitely not as scenic as my DW! 🤣    
    • Hi ! Myself and partner got engaged 7 months ago and we quite quickly asked our friends who we wanted in our wedding party (e.g bridesmaids, MOH and best men etc) who all agreed. After searching many English venues we have decided that we want to marry abroad, our dream is Mexico. We have been and priced this up today and we are incredibly happy. So we have put this forward to our friends and family who we really want there and now we are facing issues. My MOH and my partners Best man are together with a child, they now will not come unless we change to Spain or Greece. My brother, his wife and nephew can only come in one set week which isn't the time we want to marry and also will not come to Mexico. And both our Grandmother's won't come to Mexico.   What do we do? Do we carry on and go to Mexico with the people who will come or do we change our dreams and go to Spain or Greece?  Thoughts please, I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to marry as I'm fed up of friends and family ruining our ideas and dreams with their opinions. 
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...