Do what feels right to you. Forget all the etiquette, forget the rest of the family - do what will make you and your FI happy. Personally I think I would include her name as the parents. And then honor her memory on your wedding day.
These are the times when I think wedding etiquette is over-thought, over-analyzed, and gets a little silly. You have to do what feels right to you.
Originally Posted by Lizrmt
I think if you really want to have parents names on the invites, then just do it, include her on them and if she has passed by the time your mailing them, oh well, people will understand. The other route is to go with a non-traditional invite (passport style) and not include parents names at all. That way the crazy etiquette obsessed family members won't even notice that parents names were not included.