What to do if dad doesn't want to come?!

[Achmayan]

Hi, I'm planning on getting married in the Mayan Riviera February 2013.   To give you a little history, my parents divorced when I was three and my dad remarried about 8 years ago. My fiancé and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 kids. My dad's wife is a travel agent so obviously I asked her to help me with getting rates and figuring out all the travel details.  I told her what dates I was thinking about and where I wanted to go. After they got back from Europe she got back to me with the rates and at the end of our conversation she told me that her and my dad might not be going. Now, I guess I'm in shock that my father would even consider not being there for me on my day. Especially considering they go on 6 trips a year.  I really don't know what to do?! I always thought that my dad would walk me down the isle.  

[Mlite83]

Originally Posted by Achmayan 

 

Hi, I'm planning on getting married in the Mayan Riviera February 2013.  

To give you a little history, my parents divorced when I was three and my dad remarried about 8 years ago. My fiancé and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 kids.

My dad's wife is a travel agent so obviously I asked her to help me with getting rates and figuring out all the travel details.  I told her what dates I was thinking about and where I wanted to go. After they got back from Europe she got back to me with the rates and at the end of our conversation she told me that her and my dad might not be going.

Now, I guess I'm in shock that my father would even consider not being there for me on my day. Especially considering they go on 6 trips a year.  I really don't know what to do?! I always thought that my dad would walk me down the isle.  

Have you talked to your Dad directly about this?  Maybe in a conversation you could get to the bottom of why he may not attend - if you understood his thinking on it maybe you can offer some counter points to his reasons.  Family dynamics can be tricky, especially around weddings when parents are split so hopefully you can work something out   Good luck!

[whatsup]

Don't panic about a "might not be attending" unless you talk to your dad directly, he may be waiting for you to formally/personally ask him. Get to it right away and let him know you want him to walk you down the aisle, don't assume he knows you want this. 

[2bmrstremblay]

Make sure you express how important it is for him to be there. Don't be accusing but make sure he understands that you expect him to be there. 

 

Obviously it isn't about getting time off work or money to take a trip if they are already going on 6 a year.... but perhaps stepmom is feeling a bit of jealousy? Weddings can bring up lots of weird feelings for people involved.

 

Talk with your dad about it and you might find out it was totally a miscommunication!

 

Hope everything works out well!

[dylanlien]

How did it go with talking to your dad directly? I am recently engaged and my parents have been divorced since I was 2. My father and I had a falling out when I was younger and we were never very close because he was busy all the time, but we have recently reconnected. 

 

I am nervous about asking him to my wedding. I wanted to see if I could learn something from your experience.

[worstbride]

In all honesty.. I wouldn't sweat it until they really don't show up. I know you want him to be there and so he should be there for you on your day.

 

Talk to your dad directly and be open and honest about how you feel.

 

We are getting married in Mexico next November an my fiance's dad has chosen not to come because he can't risk being laid over in the states for whateve reason. I am disappointed that he won't be there for my fiance, but If he wants to use that as an excuse what can we say really? 

[Carlota1981]

Hi girls,

 

Well i have the same situation. The story is this: Thomas, my fiance,  is Italian and I am from Spain. We met when I was living in Italy and four years ago we decided to move to my city. 

Thomas' parents divorced when he was 5 years old. His mom and he has a not good relationship and she did not even answer to the invitation... But Thomas has always had a very good relationship with his dad that 20 years ago remarried to other woman and now they have 2 kids. 

 

Well, we really expect that his dad and "new" family were going to come to our wedding in Riviera Maya. But surpresly for us they were really "hard" from the start. Since the first moment Thomas told them we were going to have a destination wedding they said they were not coming. 

THis is also very hard for us, of course, mainly for Thomas, since they travel every summer during three weeks with the kids, so it is not a fact of money... 

We were having doubts of continuing with the idea of getting married in Mexico. But then the Thomas dad's wife told him that we were crazy for making a DW and that they did not want to participate in sth like that...

 

Well, you could imagine that Thomas was destroyed after that. The relationship with his dad is not the same since then but I gave Thomas the option to choose. And finally we decided to book our wedding on Riviera Maya and go ahead. 

 

 

The most of you have written here some months ago. So I hope to be helpful with the next future brides that could be in a situation like this. Of course, this is not the common things but of course in the Thomas' situation I am very proud of him.

It was a very hard situation and of course a very hard thing to overcome. 

 

We are getting married in August and his aunt and uncle as well as his friends from Italy are coming to the wedding, so I am happy for this.

[MickeyMouse]

Hi, I'm planning on getting married in the Mayan Riviera February 2013.   To give you a little history, my parents divorced when I was three and my dad remarried about 8 years ago. My fiancé and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 kids. My dad's wife is a travel agent so obviously I asked her to help me with getting rates and figuring out all the travel details.  I told her what dates I was thinking about and where I wanted to go. After they got back from Europe she got back to me with the rates and at the end of our conversation she told me that her and my dad might not be going. Now, I guess I'm in shock that my father would even consider not being there for me on my day. Especially considering they go on 6 trips a year.  I really don't know what to do?! I always thought that my dad would walk me down the isle.  

I can imagine this is hard for you to understand, but I would say stop talking to the spouse and go straight to the horse.

[Kardev]

It's sad when these things happen:(

[nicofio22]

It is ashame. It's suppose to be the best day of your life.  There are bond to be bumps and bruises along the way but it certainly shouldn't be with your close family.  Hope this all worked out for everyone!