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Bridesmaid Questions PLEASE HELP (long post sorry)

justineheart

By justineheart
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justineheart

justineheart

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Hey girls i didn’t really no where to put this so i thought this would be the best place.  Any ways, Its time for me to ask the girls who mean the most to me to be in my bridesmaids but im having a hard time drawing the line and i don’t want to hurt any ones feelings. I no a lot of drama can happen from bridesmaids, ive read my fair share of bridesmaid drama posts...so i wanted some opinions!

 

 

My FI has two sisters, one which i love to death, and the other i think is a spoiled brat. I get along with both, but would not ask the younger sister to be in my wedding party. (she has an its all about me attitude, and isn’t close with me FI at all) but his other sister has been one of my besfriends, so question # 1

  1. Can i ask my FI one sister to be in my wedding and not the other. or do i just not ask either to avoid hurt feelings

 

I have two steps sisters, who are a lot older than i am (im 22, they are 30, and 32) but i am extremely close with the younger of the two. She helped me through an addiction, we lived together and have grown up together. My oldest sister and i weren’t really close, She lived two hours away and although we have always got along, we were just never that close  so question 2 is

  1. Can i ask my sister im close with and not the other

 

(i should point out that my oldest sister is extremely easy going, and her feelings probably would not be hurt, and she doesn’t believe in marriage, but i still dont want to hurt her feelings)

 

I have some girlfriends who mean the world to me, they are the great girls. But there are just some things that make me hesitate to ask them.

  1. Is it better not to ask some one who you no is going to be flaky and not really care about the little things that matter to me. I no she would be there for the big day and come on the trip, but its the other things i want her there for that i don’t think i could count on her for? as well she just found out she is pregnant, so that might make things more difficult
  2. Is it ok to NOT ask some one who’s wedding you’ve been it? I was shocked she asked me to be in her wedding because we really grew but i still want her to come, just i feel like i have to draw the line some where and we just arent that close
  3. My fi is only asking my brother, his brother and one of his friends to be in the wedding so he has three people and if i JUST ask the girls I want to be there i still have 4, with the girls i dont really want to be part of the wedding party its 7, do you think it will look weird to have uneven numbers? or am i just being OCD
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maridr2012

maridr2012

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Hi Justine.  Oh...I feel your pain - the bridesmaid dilemna!  I went thru it too, actually I think most of us go thru it.  I'll give you a bit of my background story to put it in perspective for you.

 

I am an only daughter to my parents so I have no sisters at all (only 1 sis in law and she told me she couldn't be a bridesmaid before I even asked so it worked out well).  I have 10+ female first cousins but I'm not close enough with any of them now to ask them to be in the bridal party.  I have a handful of close friends, and there were only 2 that I knew right away I'd want to ask.  They are 2 of my oldest friends who I have ALOT of history with - over 15 yrs each so they're truly my BFFs.  One of them is preggo with her 2nd child, and I know she has her hands full but we both knew it wouldn't be the same if she werent in it..so she's my matron of honor.  Now...my FI has 2 sisters, both of who I like alot.  The one I relate to more has an 8 yr old who is going to be our ringbearer.  Since I didn't want a big bridal party, I figured I'd have a total of 3:  my 2 girlfriends, and only 1 of his sisters - the one without children who I also like but just dont relate to as much.  I got asked my FI what he thought of me asking only 1 of his sisters, and he didnt get upset but made it clear that his family would have a shit-fit over it and it would cause alot of hurt feelings.  I already kinda knew this but wanted to hear his perspective which confirmed my suspicion. At the end of the day...I decided to have BOTH of his sisters and I ended up with 4 bridesmaids.  Not what I wanted...but I also didnt want to start off on the wrong foot in what will be my new extended family.  To me, it just wasn't worth it.  

 

Now, regarding ushers...hahah...thats a whole different story.  My FI felt the need to ask every single guy he could think of, lol!  He has a total of 7 guys.  My only ask of him was since I was having BOTH his sisters, than it would only be fair he have at least 2 guys from my side.  I have 3 brothers, but I think only 1 of them is realistically going.  So, the compromise was he would have that brother, and 1 of my best guy friends.  Done deal.  And you know what?  Having an uneven # of attendants is really common now...I've seen it at several weddings recently and its not big deal.  The bridesmaids usually have fun walking back up the aisle being escorted by more than 1 guy! 

 

Enjoy your wedding planning girl.  Have fun with it...do whatever it is you want.  It's YOUR day.  Don't feel obligated to have someone in your wedding party if you do not feel a close connection with them or don't think they will be able to fully support you and be engaged in the planning activities...even if you were a bridesmaid for them at one point.  People change, they grow apart, and that is just fine!   Best of luck!

Originally Posted by justineheart View Post

Hey girls i didn’t really no where to put this so i thought this would be the best place.  Any ways, Its time for me to ask the girls who mean the most to me to be in my bridesmaids but im having a hard time drawing the line and i don’t want to hurt any ones feelings. I no a lot of drama can happen from bridesmaids, ive read my fair share of bridesmaid drama posts...so i wanted some opinions!

 

 

My FI has two sisters, one which i love to death, and the other i think is a spoiled brat. I get along with both, but would not ask the younger sister to be in my wedding party. (she has an its all about me attitude, and isn’t close with me FI at all) but his other sister has been one of my besfriends, so question # 1

  1. Can i ask my FI one sister to be in my wedding and not the other. or do i just not ask either to avoid hurt feelings

 

I have two steps sisters, who are a lot older than i am (im 22, they are 30, and 32) but i am extremely close with the younger of the two. She helped me through an addiction, we lived together and have grown up together. My oldest sister and i weren’t really close, She lived two hours away and although we have always got along, we were just never that close  so question 2 is

  1. Can i ask my sister im close with and not the other

 

(i should point out that my oldest sister is extremely easy going, and her feelings probably would not be hurt, and she doesn’t believe in marriage, but i still dont want to hurt her feelings)

 

I have some girlfriends who mean the world to me, they are the great girls. But there are just some things that make me hesitate to ask them.

  1. Is it better not to ask some one who you no is going to be flaky and not really care about the little things that matter to me. I no she would be there for the big day and come on the trip, but its the other things i want her there for that i don’t think i could count on her for? as well she just found out she is pregnant, so that might make things more difficult
  2. Is it ok to NOT ask some one who’s wedding you’ve been it? I was shocked she asked me to be in her wedding because we really grew but i still want her to come, just i feel like i have to draw the line some where and we just arent that close
  3. My fi is only asking my brother, his brother and one of his friends to be in the wedding so he has three people and if i JUST ask the girls I want to be there i still have 4, with the girls i dont really want to be part of the wedding party its 7, do you think it will look weird to have uneven numbers? or am i just being OCD


 

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Krys21

Krys21

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Hi Justine,

 

I'll tell you what I did and maybe it will help create some ideas for you!

 

My fiance is only having 2 groomsmen.  His brother and best friend.  I have 4 best friends and 3 sisters.  Out of duty I asked my sisters first, one of them told me flat out she felt too 'old' to be a bridesmaid, she's 39, and I told her she didn't have to be a bridesmaid if she didn't want to, I would find a special duty for her instead of being labelled bridesmaid.  So I had 2 sisters and I felt like I could do 2 more without over powering our 2 groomsmen  I asked my 2 best friends who live closest to me, the other 2 live in another country currently.  When I told them, I said I can't have 6 bridesmaids while my FI only has 2 groomsmen but I wanted them to be a special part of my day as well.  So for the 2 girlfriends who won't be 'standing'  will be reading a poem together at the wedding.   I've also told them that they are going to be required to be in some of the pictures with the photographer so to make sure their dresses match the bridesmaid dresses!  Just match, doesn't have to be same colour, just not clash!

 

Everyone seems pretty happy with what is going to happen and there was absolutely no drama. Also, keep the other 3 girls from feeling left out as the other get special bridesmaid presents, I got them each a smaller but special present as well. I also told them they are required to be at the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, morning breakfast and I've invited them to get ready with us.

 

If you do decide to ask one sister and not the other, on both yours and your fiances side, I think you should definitely talk to the sister about it first and explain why, and if she starts to get offended, tell her you have a special role for her to play and make sure she feel part of the day!

 

Oh and I've stood in 7 weddings, only 2 of those brides will be standing in mine.  People understand, just make everyone feel loved and important!

 

I hope this helps!! 

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justineheart

justineheart

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Thank you guys for all your imput and past experience! i talked with my sister and she was actually happy and she is still going to be very much involved, and her daughter is going to be my flower girl! so i think that worked out perfect. as for my fi sister we havent had that conversation yet because my fi and i are living two hours apart and wanted to do it together so heres to hoping it goes as well as my first conversation did!

 

i really took to heart that you just have to make every one who wants to be involved feel like they are and things will work out!

 

i swear some times i just want to be like you no what luke (my fi) you work out all the details ill just show up! when you think about weddings you never think of all the little drama that may happen

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