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Destination Weddings and Disappointment


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#61 Tulumbride2013

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    Posted 17 September 2012 - 10:47 AM

    I choose tulum myself cause we had actually been there! I hope it turns out great for us:) Girl if you truly don't want her there, I would do just that. Omit her invite, tell her you had to save money on invites cause you know she can't go. I sure would. I would have done that but deep down somewhere I'm hoping my friend(who's been stringing me along for 4 months) will still come...again i think she is hoping we will pitch in on her trip(not happening). It's bs cause I know my bf would go if it was like party week, but she simply cant go with the knowledge it's Katie week! She was notified in march we were getting married may of the next year, so no excuse is good enough. Long story short: I dated her now boyfriend briefly before they dated, so she is always jealous when we're all together.Your friend and mine will both regret being so selfish one day, especially with all the gorgeous snapshots well be rubbing in their faces!;)

    #62 Sarah W

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      Posted 17 September 2012 - 10:51 AM

      EmilyT-

       

       

      I can understand your friend issue....I've had my own.   I suggest being the bigger person and recognize she is acting out becuase she feels like she is losing a friend.  I would show maturity and send her and invite with a little personal note saying you hope she changes her mind and decides to join you for your big day.  Even though it's time to celebrate you and your fiance, if you really want her there, invite her and handle her responses with grace and let her know she will be missed but you understand if she can't make it.   I wouldn't discuss anything with her after you mail her invite unless she brings it up. In the end she will probably join and if not, move on from the friendship or forgive her for not being there. 

       

       

       

      Quote:

      Originally Posted by EmilyT 

      Tulumbride, i see that we are both dreams brides, dreams tulum looks beautful but ive been to dreams riviera cancun so thats why i chose it. dreams really does beautiful weddings ;)

       

      about the best friend thing, mine has already told me 6 months in advance that she can't come.. i sorta also feel like how can you know that you wont be able to come up with the money when you STILL have 6 months left to plan !? LOL its a joke really..

       

      i also thought id share that originally my date as 2.22.13. it ended up being presidents week and the prices were out of control- everything was almost doubled. i didn't know this originally because presidents day is the monday before so i thought we were safe. Long story short for the good of my guests i went through the trouble ( it was not easy ) of changing the date & notifying everyone etc and some peopel are actually using the date change as the excuse now of why they can't come. "Oh we were coming during Presidents week but now that you moved it we can't"- umm hello we changed the date because the price was doubled, and if we kept it that date the same people would have said "Oh sorry I cant its too expensive" LOL so point of the story-- people who always truly wanted to come are coming no matter what, and the others will find any old excuse. for a best friend to know 6 months in advance she cant come up with $1300 is a joke, and she could have asked me for a loan and offered to pay me back if she really wanted to come. where theres a will, theres a way!

       

      my question though since im so annoyed about this is that now that i know already she doesnt plan to come, can i get her back by not sending her an invitation !?!? opinions please ;)



      #63 LPerry

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        Posted 17 September 2012 - 07:11 PM

        Originally Posted by Sarah W View Post

        Can anyone share the $ amount they were budgeting for their guests to spend? I was thinking airfare/hotel for 4-5nights was going to be 1500.00. In my opinion this is affordable. Thoughts?

        Our trip ended up being about $300 a night for hotel/air. So some spent as little as $900 for a 3 night trip....and as much as $1800 for a week. I really tried to make it work in any budget. I figured if it averaged out to about $1200 then it was $100 a month...which is only $25 a week!



        #64 EmilyT

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          Posted 19 September 2012 - 04:53 AM

          Sarah thank you for the advice but i still kinda dissagree... a best friend since kindergarten not going to eachothers weddings is not forgivable. I wish I could handle it your way, but I won't let her know she'll be missed if she is making the decision not to come. Like i said, there is really nothing holding her back except that its MY weekend, revolved around ME and she thinks she could have more fun with the money elsewhere so I dont actually UNDERSTAND her not being there. I think its very rude and inconsiderate. Also remember I aksed her to be in my wedding party ( which the rest is just family ) over a year ago. and 6 months before i get texts like " hey hun im so sorry im not coming " followed by some lame excuses that I know are not entirely true. the fact thats even a thought in her head whether she comes at the end of the day or not is just ridiculous. and i have come to realize yes she might end up coming, but that is when everyone has booked and some of our other girlfriends decide to come, and then its party time. if it were jsut myself, my family and some of my fiance's friends, she would continue with her lame excuses. I think times liek this show people's true colors. She has no children, boyfriend etc... shes a single 26 year old girl who parties non stop, shops non stop and has a pretty decent job . . and SHES KNOWN FOR 2 YEARS. PS: i love this forum because everytime I think im crazy i type my frustrations and realize i am right. lol

           

           

          Quote:

          Originally Posted by Sarah W 

          EmilyT-

           

           

          I can understand your friend issue....I've had my own.   I suggest being the bigger person and recognize she is acting out becuase she feels like she is losing a friend.  I would show maturity and send her and invite with a little personal note saying you hope she changes her mind and decides to join you for your big day.  Even though it's time to celebrate you and your fiance, if you really want her there, invite her and handle her responses with grace and let her know she will be missed but you understand if she can't make it.   I wouldn't discuss anything with her after you mail her invite unless she brings it up. In the end she will probably join and if not, move on from the friendship or forgive her for not being there. 

           

           

           

          Quote:



          #65 EmilyT

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            Posted 19 September 2012 - 04:59 AM

            You are right. !!! one of my brothers who isnt coming said im sorry i dont have the finances. give me a break its 1300 and u have known for 2 friggen years.... 1 year of knowing the exact place and date and its your SISTERS wedding & you are gettign a vacation out of it. my only issue that sucks is that if him and his wife go on vacation anywhere around my wedding i am going to be really hurt. they dont have a ton of money, but they do vacation here and there and i do not see why my wedding when u know about it that far in advance wouldnt be a top priority.

             

            Quote:

            Originally Posted by maridr2012 

            Ladies, it doesnt matter if you give people even 3 YEARS of notice.  You will  have some that will jump thru hoops to attend, and others that will find every excuse in the book.  I was hurt for a long time about people who I really care about and have bent over backwards supporting them in every life decision they make, and they have completely bailed and flaked out.  I have 3 brothers - I'm the only girl, and we've all been very close.  The only 1 that is coming to my wedding is the oldest, and funny enough, he's the one who I thought prob wouldnt be able to make it  - he's got 4 kids, pays expensive child support and financially supports his kids even more than the court requires him to, plus he travels every 2 months to see them, and helps their mom out whenever she needs the $ - and he works 2 full time jobs to do this.  When I told him 18 months ago our DW plans, he never said, "oh..maybe, we'll see...", Nothing of the sort.  He looked me square in the eye and said, "I'll be there sis", but I still didn't believe it, until last night when I got an email from my travel agent asking if it was okay to add him into my group list and he had paid his room in full.  I cried because I was so happy and surprised.  My 2 other brothers on the other hand...never even called to say they can't make it.  One I knew would be a bust because he's got several personal demons he needs to work out..but the other one...he was supposed to be a groomsman!  He never even called my Fiancee to say, hey i cant make it.  And him...I've been VERY supportive of his marriage, I am there for all his 4 kids bdays, holidays, etc.  

             

            My point is...at some point you've gotta let it all go.   Whoever comes, great.  Whoever doesnt go and disappoints you..guess what...in the end you're better off without them there!



            #66 Speckles121

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              Posted 19 September 2012 - 05:28 AM

              Originally Posted by EmilyT 

              You are right. !!! one of my brothers who isnt coming said im sorry i dont have the finances. give me a break its 1300 and u have known for 2 friggen years.... 1 year of knowing the exact place and date and its your SISTERS wedding & you are gettign a vacation out of it. my only issue that sucks is that if him and his wife go on vacation anywhere around my wedding i am going to be really hurt. they dont have a ton of money, but they do vacation here and there and i do not see why my wedding when u know about it that far in advance wouldnt be a top priority.

               

               

              Ohh i totally feel your pain about siblings..my own brother will not be there! He had a baby in February but knew since December we were going to have a destination wedding and has made NOT effort to even try to come. He never even applied for his passport!! And never said sorry he couldnt be there..its a real sucky situation!



              #67 Tulumbride2013

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                Posted 19 September 2012 - 05:43 AM

                Sarah thank you for the advice but i still kinda dissagree... a best friend since kindergarten not going to eachothers weddings is not forgivable. I wish I could handle it your way, but I won't let her know she'll be missed if she is making the decision not to come. Like i said, there is really nothing holding her back except that its MY weekend, revolved around ME and she thinks she could have more fun with the money elsewhere so I dont actually UNDERSTAND her not being there. I think its very rude and inconsiderate. Also remember I aksed her to be in my wedding party ( which the rest is just family ) over a year ago. and 6 months before i get texts like " hey hun im so sorry im not coming " followed by some lame excuses that I know are not entirely true. the fact thats even a thought in her head whether she comes at the end of the day or not is just ridiculous. and i have come to realize yes she might end up coming, but that is when everyone has booked and some of our other girlfriends decide to come, and then its party time. if it were jsut myself, my family and some of my fiance's friends, she would continue with her lame excuses. I think times liek this show people's true colors. She has no children, boyfriend etc... shes a single 26 year old girl who parties non stop, shops non stop and has a pretty decent job . . and SHES KNOWN FOR 2 YEARS. PS: i love this forum because everytime I think im crazy i type my frustrations and realize i am right. lol

                Amen. I agree. They have had time. My bf since 6th grade who was asked to be moh had plenty of time, no excuse is good enough. As I stated she is bailed on all three of the dress hunting appts at the local salons. We planned our wedding for may, that way ppl have a chance to get their tax money back in time for final payment of the trip. She wants the vacay, does not want to take part in wedding planning and activities. She has been MIA and uncommitted since the beginning, and has truly made it obvious who my real friends are. Emily just know your gonna have a blast and a gorgeous wedding and she will regret being so self centered.

                #68 FrustratedBride

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                  Posted 24 April 2013 - 01:03 PM

                  Hi ladies, 

                  I need a place to vent and posting cryptic status updates on Facebook is not the best place so I found this one here. I am so incredibly frustrated with some friends/family friends of mine. my fiance and I got engaged in late 2012 and everyone who knows us KNOWS we've always wanted a destination wedding. So finally the time came and I created a wedding website, informed everyone that we were going to get married in Dominican in 2014. Leaving everyone with over a year and a half to save up for our wedding, people saying yes that they're for sure coming and as soon as the deposits need to be made or invitations are sent out- everyone is suddenly unable to commit. Are you kidding me? "Unable to commit". One of my best friends who I did EVERYTHING for when it was her turn to be a bride has told me she can't commit. I'm so so so angry/upset. I feel like my friendship with her will be changed forever if she decides not to come. I'm so incredibly annoyed with her. 

                   

                  I don't know if other brides feel this way but don't you feel torn between acting like an entitled bridezilla and calling out your friends/family and trying to take the "no" on your RSVP card with class and trying to be understanding. A part of me just wants to be like "Screw you-I did so much for your wedding and you can't even muster up $1400 in a year and a half for my wedding". I don't know what to do. I know the important thing is that my parents and my fiance are there but I'm only human and I am feeling shafted when people say know, especially when they've known for 1.5 years about this wedding. 

                   

                  Thoughts?






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