Jump to content

Photo

Are some of your friends and family avoiding you since you mentioned a DW?


  • Please log in to reply
98 replies to this topic

#11 SparksFly

SparksFly
  • Jr. Member
  • 219 posts

    Posted 12 March 2012 - 01:36 PM



    Originally Posted by loreli79 

    My future in-laws not only didn't come to my bridal shower, but they didn't even have the respect to respond to my mother who sent an invite and followed up with an email. Unbelievable! I love these people who think they can act a certain way towards us because of our wedding choices, yet have no financial involvement what so ever. It's my opinion that if the bride & groom are solely footing the bill for the wedding, the bride & groom get to call all the shots. And no one can say anything about it!

     

     


    Thank you for reminding me of this...too easily that we forget whoever holds the money has the power. Guess what, if you aren't helping pay you are allowed zero input.

     

    It's like people expect us to have a big party when and where it's convienient for them!  
     

     



    #12 bgarcia1026

    bgarcia1026
    • Site Supporter
    • 45 posts

      Posted 12 March 2012 - 01:55 PM

      I've had a mix of both, some people avoiding us and others telling us that they are going to go, and we haven't even sent out invites yet.

       

      I guess one of the reasons why we decided on having a destination wedding was that we wanted to be selective when inviting people.  We want our wedding to be a more intimate affair, with people being there that want to be there and that will celebrate our marriage, not because they are obligated to.

       

      I come from a very Cuban family, where if I had a wedding in New York, everyone and their mother/father/sister and brother would have had to be invited, even if I don't know them.  Choosing a destination wedding cuts all that drama out, and is easier on our pockets too.

       

      Focus on the people that can be there.  If you are as important to them as they are to you, then they will make it, or be genuine in their reasoning why they can't.

       

       



      #13 ntlsnow

      ntlsnow
      • Jr. Member
      • 204 posts

        Posted 13 March 2012 - 06:21 AM

        This is great advice!! :-)

         

        Originally Posted by bgarcia1026 

         

        Focus on the people that can be there.  If you are as important to them as they are to you, then they will make it, or be genuine in their reasoning why they can't.

         

         



         



        #14 yunric

        yunric
        • Newbie
        • 93 posts

          Posted 13 March 2012 - 06:51 AM

          This thread brought tears to my eyes this morning.

           

          Imagine this- My FSIL started off on board.  We chose a location SPECIFICALLY that would be child friendly to accommodate her brood, (and others).  After picking location etc...  she all of a sudden was afraid to fly.  No way that her 3 children and husband would go on one plane.  (she almost went to Italy with those 3 children last year, mind you)

           

          She back and forthed bw fear and expense.  Last week we were shopping, and we have not spoken wedding in months!  Out of the blue, she brings up Mexico and plainly says- " Five thousand for all of us for one week is too expensive, we can go to Italy for a month for that."  

           

          What makes people think that bc it is a destination wedding they can be so hurtful?  Her BROTHER is getting married. AND!  He bends over backwards for her.  I gave people 13 months to plan and save.  Our TA gave people payment plans if they so wish.  

           

          I wish she would avoid me.  I'm sorry- I know my post is a little off side.  Thanks you all for listening.



          #15 yunric

          yunric
          • Newbie
          • 93 posts

            Posted 13 March 2012 - 06:51 AM

            great advice.  Thank you
             

            Originally Posted by bgarcia1026 

            I've had a mix of both, some people avoiding us and others telling us that they are going to go, and we haven't even sent out invites yet.

             

            I guess one of the reasons why we decided on having a destination wedding was that we wanted to be selective when inviting people.  We want our wedding to be a more intimate affair, with people being there that want to be there and that will celebrate our marriage, not because they are obligated to.

             

            I come from a very Cuban family, where if I had a wedding in New York, everyone and their mother/father/sister and brother would have had to be invited, even if I don't know them.  Choosing a destination wedding cuts all that drama out, and is easier on our pockets too.

             

            Focus on the people that can be there.  If you are as important to them as they are to you, then they will make it, or be genuine in their reasoning why they can't.

             

             



             



            #16 ntlsnow

            ntlsnow
            • Jr. Member
            • 204 posts

              Posted 13 March 2012 - 07:02 AM

              Your post is not offside. It brings the point that Weddings can bring out the best and worst in people. I have had one rude encounter as well with a "friend" that said how selfish it was of me to expect people to go. I told her, I do not expect anyone to go if they cannot go. And then, I proceeded to tell her that she is not wanted there if she thinks that "the bride and groom cannot be happy and enjoy what THEY want on THEIR wedding day".

              Thats crap, weddings are about the bride and groom that have said their vows and are married. All of my close family and friends have known about this for over a year and they are all going.

              It is really crappy of her to change her mind on goingand then not even bring it up. It hurts, I know. ((hugs)) I hope you can work this out with her, especially it being your FI sister...and with such an advanced notice.

               

              Originally Posted by yunric 

              This thread brought tears to my eyes this morning.

               

              Imagine this- My FSIL started off on board.  We chose a location SPECIFICALLY that would be child friendly to accommodate her brood, (and others).  After picking location etc...  she all of a sudden was afraid to fly.  No way that her 3 children and husband would go on one plane.  (she almost went to Italy with those 3 children last year, mind you)

               

              She back and forthed bw fear and expense.  Last week we were shopping, and we have not spoken wedding in months!  Out of the blue, she brings up Mexico and plainly says- " Five thousand for all of us for one week is too expensive, we can go to Italy for a month for that."  

               

              What makes people think that bc it is a destination wedding they can be so hurtful?  Her BROTHER is getting married. AND!  He bends over backwards for her.  I gave people 13 months to plan and save.  Our TA gave people payment plans if they so wish.  

               

              I wish she would avoid me.  I'm sorry- I know my post is a little off side.  Thanks you all for listening.



               



              #17 SparksFly

              SparksFly
              • Jr. Member
              • 219 posts

                Posted 13 March 2012 - 09:40 AM



                 

                Originally Posted by Jamie5280 

                uugghh!!!  seriously story of my life!  I don't have one "friend" coming to our wedding, so therefore I have decided I don't have one true friend.  They avoid or send me e-mails (if I'm lucky) of their excuses or their excuse is on their RSVP card.  This wedding has seriously led me to believe that I really don't have any friends, I will probably never forget / forgive some people so, if they avoid me now, it's for the best, as I don't have anything nice to say anyways!  HA!!! 

                 

                I have been waiting for one surprise guest to book and it's just not going to happen.  In my case the only people meant to be at my wedding is my immediate family. 

                 

                I say that you let those people be, they aren't being true friends anyways.  I have driven myself crazy trying to maintain friendships with people that just don't feel the same way, it's just not worth the time and tears.  It's true, that people show their true colors when it comes to a wedding. 

                 

                However, I hope people start changing their tunes toward you soon! 

                 

                 


                 

                Hi Jamie,

                 

                I'm sorry to hear about all of the problems you are experiencing lately.  I feel very much the same. I feel like I am trying too hard to hold onto friends that are struggling with the idea of coming to my wedding.

                 

                My one good girlfriend from college is still on the fence about coming. Even though I have offered to pay for her hotel accomedations for 4 nights at the Royal in Cancun. If it was her wedding, I would drop everything to be there, no matter where it was. I feel like she is just stringing me along until she can say that the airfare is too expensive and she can't afford it. I am trying to mentally prepare for that because I know its coming...


                 

                 



                #18 Jamie5280

                Jamie5280
                • Member
                • 675 posts

                  Posted 13 March 2012 - 10:32 AM

                  Girl, these threads bring tears to my eyes everyday.  I don't think one day has passed in the past 3 weeks that I haven't cried about how hurtful people are and how selfish people are!  I am sooo sorry you are experiencing this.  My brother is threatening not to come because he is fighting with my other brother.  So, I understand how you are feeling!!!  Family can suck (for lack of a better word) too!
                   

                  Originally Posted by yunric 

                  This thread brought tears to my eyes this morning.

                   

                  Imagine this- My FSIL started off on board.  We chose a location SPECIFICALLY that would be child friendly to accommodate her brood, (and others).  After picking location etc...  she all of a sudden was afraid to fly.  No way that her 3 children and husband would go on one plane.  (she almost went to Italy with those 3 children last year, mind you)

                   

                  She back and forthed bw fear and expense.  Last week we were shopping, and we have not spoken wedding in months!  Out of the blue, she brings up Mexico and plainly says- " Five thousand for all of us for one week is too expensive, we can go to Italy for a month for that."  

                   

                  What makes people think that bc it is a destination wedding they can be so hurtful?  Her BROTHER is getting married. AND!  He bends over backwards for her.  I gave people 13 months to plan and save.  Our TA gave people payment plans if they so wish.  

                   

                  I wish she would avoid me.  I'm sorry- I know my post is a little off side.  Thanks you all for listening.



                   



                  #19 Jamie5280

                  Jamie5280
                  • Member
                  • 675 posts

                    Posted 13 March 2012 - 10:39 AM

                    It's just unbelievable to me that I don't have one friend coming after everything I have done for them (been in their weddings, one was destination, bridal showers, bach. parties, baby showers, etc...)  It's just so hurtful that now that it's my turn no one is there for me!  Planning for my wedding has opened my eyes WIDE to who is a good friend and who isn't!  and sadly, I learned I don't have any good friends, just a lot of acquaintances!  I too, offered to help pay for 3 of my friends rooms and they all still seem to not be able to afford it!  :(  Not to mention those 3 friends just looked into it, but didn't 8 months ago! 

                     

                    For me, there has been no way to help me prepare for the serious let down I have encountered!  I hope that your friends do not do the same thing and that they come and have a great time with you guys!
                     

                    Thanks for letting me vent too!!!  :)

                    Originally Posted by SparksFly 



                     


                     

                    Hi Jamie,

                     

                    I'm sorry to hear about all of the problems you are experiencing lately.  I feel very much the same. I feel like I am trying too hard to hold onto friends that are struggling with the idea of coming to my wedding.

                     

                    My one good girlfriend from college is still on the fence about coming. Even though I have offered to pay for her hotel accomedations for 4 nights at the Royal in Cancun. If it was her wedding, I would drop everything to be there, no matter where it was. I feel like she is just stringing me along until she can say that the airfare is too expensive and she can't afford it. I am trying to mentally prepare for that because I know its coming...


                     

                     



                     



                    #20 ntlsnow

                    ntlsnow
                    • Jr. Member
                    • 204 posts

                      Posted 13 March 2012 - 10:43 AM

                      Here here! Yes they can suck. :-(

                       

                      I just am glad that other people have the same issues. It sucks to be hurt this and to cry about our wedding...it really sucks.

                       

                      Originally Posted by Jamie5280 

                      Girl, these threads bring tears to my eyes everyday.  I don't think one day has passed in the past 3 weeks that I haven't cried about how hurtful people are and how selfish people are!  I am sooo sorry you are experiencing this.  My brother is threatening not to come because he is fighting with my other brother.  So, I understand how you are feeling!!!  Family can suck (for lack of a better word) too!
                       



                       



                       






                      0 user(s) are reading this topic

                      0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users