Jump to content

a mother who hates your wedding?


justineheart
 Share

Recommended Posts

I've known I've always wanted a dw, but i've always known my mother HATES them! I mean the whole meaning of hate, any time any one of our family friends has had a dw I've had to listen to her rant about how could some one think that they needed to go away and celebrate for a whole week and have people spend an insane amount of money to go.

 

So i knew telling her and my dad that is what i wanted was going to be a fight. But last night i decided that i have to tell them sooner or later and maybe sooner is better than later.

 

Now i understand where she is coming from, it is a lot of money, but should i have to give up my dream of what i want to fit what they want? no. i dont think i should have too.

 

Also, you have to understand my sister got married last year and we are SO SO SO different, she wanted a small wedding (60 people) and was able to a her whole wedding under $5 000 including EVERYTHING! and it was beautiful, probably the most beautiful wedding i've been thats been in Canada, but i also no that is not what i want if i was to get married at home, I would want a huge wedding with all my family and friends, so a dw was a way for my fiance to a) get down the wedding size to a size he was comfortable with and B) be able to afford a wedding by ourselfs. As well i have another sister who choose not to get married even though she has been with the guy for ten years.

 

My family has a very strong opinion on weddings. That big weddings are a waste of money. My mom and dad only had a wedding because they were forced too.

 

But i am very different from them and have always been the extravagant one.

 

But my real problem is I have another sister who could probably not afford to take herself and her daughter. It not only is extremely important to me that she is there but even more important that her daughter is there. I LOVE this little girl. I understand some of my friends and family will not come, but she is my sister.

 

So this was all brought up last night when i told my parents this is what i wanted and my mom said to me "well what would you do if your sister couldnt afford to come" and than my father said "I dont think i would come if you had a dw wedding. it is a waste of money, you could put that towards a house"

 

I tried to show him how it would actually cheaper, because i have planned both of the weddings out cost wise down to the last flower. It is a $15,000 difference between the two weddings i have budgetted out. and he still wouldnt listen.

 

I left last night feeling horrible, like some one had just told me there wasnt a santa. i feel like this is MY wedding, my one day where my fiance and i get to say what we want and how we want it and not care what other people think. but should i be reconcidering?

 

I have also told my parents that I would pay for my sister to be there. I'd also like to point out we have choosen not to get married till april 2014 which gives every one A HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME TO SAVE!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Oh thats horrible, im sorry! Whilst i think most destination wedding brides get some hassle from guests (its so expensive, you're forcing people to travel across the world to celebrate your day etc etc) you should be able to expect support from your family.

 

Im sick of people making anti-destination wedding comments to me, my view is "i don't have a gun pointed to your head, you can choose to come or you can choose  not to and i understand, but don't come reluctantly and whine about it as i have no patience with that" (i havent said that to anyone yet...but im dangerously close)

 

This is your dream, but you do have a decision to make. If, as threatened, your parents won't come would you still enjoy your special day or would it be ruined? Are you willing to sacrifice that dream to have a local wedding to keep parents happy? If they wont be happy with a big local wedding either then frankly you can't win and may as well go for the DW!

 

There is every chance they might change their minds though, particularly if you can get your sister on board by offering to pay for her. Point out that the money is being spent either way and isn't going towards a house. Are your parents struggling financially and don't think they can pay to come? Or they simply hate the idea and don't want to?

 

Destination weddings often are cheaper for the couple, the issue is that the guests have to pay more. Its hard not to be disappointed when friends say its impossible but providing you have you and your fiance in your dream settings it will be perfect anyway...guests would just be lovely extras!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thats the kicker for me! my parents are extremely well off as well as my fiances family is very well off, the people we want there could afford to come (which was a huge part of our planning to make sure they people we wanted there could afford to be there). I no it will work out in the end but why do people have to make such a big deal about it.

 

My parents have offered to hold the wedding at our summer home but that is what my sister did and i would feel like i was copying her idea even if i did put my own spin on it.

 

but im with you on being so very close to saying to people "you no what, if you dont want to come dont, but telling me us we shouldnt do our wedding the way we want isnt an option" I want every one there but im trying to stay in my budget for my wedding and if a trip doesnt fit in your budget than i understand.

 

as a side note, when i have been apart of a wedding or my finance has been apart of another couples wedding, by the time you pay for your bm dress, hotels, gas, food, the engagement party, the bachelorette party and a gift it works out to by around the same amount of money we would have spent for a trip, but i would have (personally) much rather spend a whole week on a beautiful beach than a hotel in freezing cold canada and a dress i'll never wear again! how come people never hate on that?! haha (i really tried not to sound to cynical there i promise)

 

i guess my point is, dont crush my dreams, and i wont crush yours, wedding are expensive

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

100% agree. Stay strong and don't get caught up in all the drama! If they can afford to come (and they know pressuring you wont make you change your mind) i think they will eventually agree..but they might make you sweat a bit first.Its ok to want something different from your sisters wedding. Just make sure to be super sweet and keep thanking them for the offer (but you dont want to)

 

but i agree with you that the costs (dress, bachelorette etc etc etc) mean there isnt *that* much of a difference cost wise. and they are having a one week holiday, the wedding is just one single day of that holiday, the rest will just be agood time! what a hard life for their guests (im rapidly passing from "understanding" to snappy hahaha)

 

Heres a vent on a tangent - if guests want to decline, it would be nice if they said something like " hey! i would love so much to come to your wedding, it sounds amazing. unfortunately money is a bit tight right now and i dont think i can make it. cant wait to see the photos though and hope its amazing"

 

my so called best friend decided to tell me it was a stupid idea, she didnt understand why i couldnt just get married in london, asking guests to pay that much is selfish. and she wanted to be at my wedding but not if abroad etc etc etc. Then she ignored me/changed subject every time i mentioned wedding plans

 

Funny thing is...my parents are incredible and just spontanously offered to pay for 2 friends to fly out so i could have bridesmaids. and im choosing my supportive friends who didnt bitch at me about my wedding. so there!

 

Anyone who is attempting to crush wedding dreams can stay quiet and far away! They'd only ruin it anyway

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Very well said by both of you ladies! To everything! justineheart, I hope that you and yoru fiancee find it in your hearts to do what is best for you, because as hard as it can be, it is your day and it is about your happiness and the celebration you want for the start of your lives together!

 

I speak from experience here, because my father has been just as stubborn about coming to our wedding. So much so, that it has been been almost 11 months since I had a face to face conversation with him about him walking me down the aisle (to which he said flat out no) and those were the last words he has spoken to me since then. Apprently our having a destination wedding is enough for him to completely cut me - his only child - and my fiancee out of his life altogether! Him and my mom are still together, so it has been difficult for her, but at the end of the day he would rather keep his annual trip to Puerto Vallarta in February/March and not move it a couple of months to walk me down the aisle. I've made peace with it, but it still hurts. Hang in there, girl!! People should be happy for you however you choose to get married!

 

PS: That is really sweet of you to pay for your sister and niece to come! And you are being very generous on time for everyone else to save $$!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

My mom hates my wedding too, she has made it very clear that she will not spend the money to come, and my opinion is if you're going to wine and complain the whole time then you're uninvited! My sister also complained at the beginning, when I told her she was uninvited she quickly changed her tune!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 months later...
Originally Posted by Lizrmt View Post

 

My mom hates my wedding too, she has made it very clear that she will not spend the money to come, and my opinion is if you're going to wine and complain the whole time then you're uninvited! My sister also complained at the beginning, when I told her she was uninvited she quickly changed her tune!

I have the mom who wouldn't stop talking "when's he gonna propose" for 7 years, then once he did, she doesn't want to EVER talk about the wedding or planning for it...what's the deal?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • https://t.me/pump_upp - best crypto pumps on telegram Make 1000% and more within 1 day, join channel @pump_upp !
    • Verifpro.net - paypal, ebay, stripe, banks, crypto, docs and more! Follow channel https://t.me/Verifpro_accounts to get more info
    • The two people who matters the most in this situation? You and your partner. It is nice to get an outside opinion but if you have too much of it? It will get messy! I am replying you my response after that has happened to me with my wedding. Although it is quite hard, do not think of the negative opinions. The people who will turn up to your wedding? You will always cherish them even more! That is what has happened with me because my friendship with the people who attended my wedding has improved so much more that I know I can rely on them and they can rely on me. It is disappointing that people will not attend your wedding but it is their loss, not yours. At the end of the day, when they see pictures and videos of your big day they will definitely regret missing out on such event. I am waiting to deal with the aftermath of my wedding from my so called friends, if they say anything they will get an earful! Happy planning, your big day will be worth it! Keep us up to date!
    • Wow, I cannot believe it's been over a year since I last posted! Better keep everyone up to date as everything ended up positive in the end! So, let's start with the situation with W. From my previous post, I have serious consideration removing him from the groomsmen because of the hurtful things he has said to me. Not too after my second post, I asked him once again whether he wants to be part of the groomsmen. The response was around the lines of "I need more solid information". This was before the restriction were lifted. Then he said it was down to finances yet again, even though he said he could have made it but because of what A said, W didn't commit no more. As W was being difficult, I decided to drop him as a groomsmen altogether and replaced him with someone else. Plan B was already in motion and tbh, I wish I did this first to avoid any hassle. Everyone who got invited in plan B all committed themselves to the wedding!  The situation with A is this. I was feeling sad that I was losing this friendship and that spark with him was gone. By the time it was gone, A was "ready" to meet up with me to discuss life and the wedding. When I said I lost spark with him, I really did. I knew that he was ready to meet up with me because it was convenient for him. For example, he wanted to meet up with me because he was driving past my house or was in the area visiting his relative. If he was not doing those things he would not want to meet up with me. Needless to say, every time he kept asking, I just said I was busy. I think deep down something was not right between me and A but he does not want to acknowledge it. I know that W had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because that's what he is like. Around the end of last year, rather than messaging me about the DW he went behind my back and asked my SO. He was scared of asking me because he knows if he asked me, I would literally get angry at him. He's nosey and was happy enough to be part of the groomsmen but he listened to A. W didn't asked once but twice to mg SO. My SO just said that she was busy and should ask me about the wedding, not her. W did messagee but not about the wedding plans. I felt this was a sly move by his part. If anything not having A and W there was a blessing in disguise. I met up with the other 4 groomsmen over one weekend and it turns out it was the most fun we all have had for a while. It was as if we continued from the previous conversations in the past as if nothing has changed. I am so glad and proud of this group of groomsmen and glad the other 2 dropped out. The suit fitting went really well and we hung out again to see whether the suits altered fitted or not.  Unfortunately my SO UK group, 5 out of 6 declined the invite. Only 1 accepted it. The other 5 had reasons ranging from good ones to poorer ones 😅 As long one of them turned up then it was good enough for us. My SO's bridesmaids also were amazing. No problems caused whatsoever and they were really excited that our wedding was abroad too! To make things work out before our DW, myself and SO planned out 2 weekends for both groomsmen and bridesmaids to hang out before the DW. We did this so we would not encounter any awkwardness for the first time in DW. Lo and behold, everyone got to know each other and we really are happy that the wedding party weekend went smoothly. I will keep this ambiguous because I do not want A and his group finding out. I got married to my SO this year. What time and month? I will leave this intentionally blank. The wedding itself was everything we have expected. The wedding planner was amazing. The photographer was also amazing too, so glad we went for him. The sneak peak photos are absolutely great, couldn't imagine that the photos turned out like that. The good itself was okay could be better but could be worse. The first dance went relatively well although my SO managed to cock up s move which only I know hahahaha. The wedding ceremony itself went really quickly. I was a bag of nerves to which one of the groomsmen bought the groomsmen a shot each to calm everyone down. It did calm me down for a little bit but the nerves started again with the speeches. I got emotional throughout the speeches. I was not expecting the tear up with the best man speech at all. My speech was meant for my SO but for some reason everyone in the room also cried as well 😂 The all night dancing and fun was the best bit. When every serious part was done, I was able to stop being nervous! The fun went through the whole night and I can see everyone really enjoyed themselves. It was as if myself and SO correctly guess that lockdown restrictions would end. Everyone was thankful that they managed to take part in the DW because they all have been stranded in the country for 3 years! Do I regret having a DW? Hell no! Although it was a smaller party everything was all under control. Everyone had a great time!  More information about my UK group. Some of them congratulated us which was nice to hear. Those congratulated us, I can keep contact. They knew it was difficult coming to DW. At least they are mature enough to say something about it and they did not get the invite. On the other hand, A and W kept constantly monitoring my account for updates along with my SO. It got to the point that W really FOMO that he I followed our stories/posts. A on the other hand is completely out of order. He was invited to DW but made it really uncomfortable to me that he was not happy with DW. During that week, he went on holiday to Spain. I get that Spain is much more cheaper than my DW but it still is annoying. A also said before that he has a few weddings to attend during our DW month. He has not attended any weddings which makes me think that he has lied to me. A and W has lied to me saying it was costly for them to come to my DW. They have both bought PlayStation 5 and went to many designer outlets. If they are so stumped on money why go and buy things? It just shows that they are not good friends at all. Overall good DW. I do not regret it one bit because I know if I did it in the UK, the experience will be a lot different. The UK definitely not as scenic as my DW! 🤣    
    • Hi ! Myself and partner got engaged 7 months ago and we quite quickly asked our friends who we wanted in our wedding party (e.g bridesmaids, MOH and best men etc) who all agreed. After searching many English venues we have decided that we want to marry abroad, our dream is Mexico. We have been and priced this up today and we are incredibly happy. So we have put this forward to our friends and family who we really want there and now we are facing issues. My MOH and my partners Best man are together with a child, they now will not come unless we change to Spain or Greece. My brother, his wife and nephew can only come in one set week which isn't the time we want to marry and also will not come to Mexico. And both our Grandmother's won't come to Mexico.   What do we do? Do we carry on and go to Mexico with the people who will come or do we change our dreams and go to Spain or Greece?  Thoughts please, I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to marry as I'm fed up of friends and family ruining our ideas and dreams with their opinions. 
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...