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SparksFly

Vent SORRY! Mom offering many people rooms on my budget!

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Hello,

 

Long story short...

 

Getting married at the Royal in Cancun (5 star hotel)

Offering that guests stay at the Royal or the Caribe (sister resort 3.5 star)

 

My mom thinks it's rude to throw a destination wedding without offering  people accomedations...well...at least to her friends.

 

I have a 15K-17K budget that I VERY much want to stay in because whatever money I do not spend out of 30K is mine to keep.

 

My mother who is paying for the wedding is offering her friends left and right rooms at the Royal (not the caribe, god FORBID they had to stay at the caribe) at like $400 a night!

 

I want my mom to have friends there, but these are established people in the 40-50's. Why am I paying for their rooms?

 

So far it's close to $7500 just on family and friends (of my parents). Am I being ridiculous? I am trying to squeeze money out of our budget now so I can pay for a photographer, but its not looking good.

 

Again, am I being ridiculous and selfish?

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Your mom is making you pay for her friends to come?? If that's the case I think its insane! You should have a talk with your mom & tell her how frustrated & angry you are. Remind her its your wedding & you should get what you want! 

 

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I guess its still her money, but its the money I am getting for the wedding/wedding gift. So in essence after the wedding it is my money for part of a downpayment on a house.

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I gotcha...sorry I am still asleep today. Well that really stinks :( Maybe ask her to have a separate budget for her friends or something? But I do think you should still talk to her & about the budget. At least to let her know how upset this is making you...hang in there. It will all workout!

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hmmm...I see why this is touch,  it is her money that is helping pay for the wedding, but it is YOUR wedding, and it's not fair to take your budget to pay for her friends.  It is NOT rude to ask your guests to pay for their own accommodations,  that is what the majority of us have to do, we can't pay for our guests...  If that were me, I would tell my dad that I don't feel it's necessary to pay for the guests and that as you understand and appreciate her help, if it's really supposed to be your gift then you should get in say so in how much you want to spend on the wedding.  I would definitely talk to her one way or another, at least to contain her guest list!  :)

 

BTW-I have been to The Royal for a destination wedding and you will LOVE it, the hotel, wedding, everything!!!  :) 

 

Good Luck!

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Wow!  Who can pay for their guests?!  Pay just for you and your husband.  If they can't afford to go, then they don't have to go.  You are smart to set a budget to not blow the entire $30K.  If your mom is making you blow the money on the guests, then it's not a gift for you.  We had 30 guests at our wedding and didn't pay for anyone. 

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Wow, you are in a really tough spot. On one hand you have to just appreciate the contribution to your wedding but on the other hand, if it was a gift to you to make your wedding a dream come true then she is eating into that. I think you need to have an honest and open discussion with her, it wont be easy but you can explain that you appreciate her paying the wedding and you are just trying to understand if the $30,000 was entirely for your wedding or did you now have to take almost $10,000 off of that to pay for her friends because now you cant afford the photog you want? You almost need to make her see it dollar wise to realize how she is impacting you. I definitely dont think she or you need to be paying anyones expenses. If they cant afford it, they dont go. Thats the reality of having a DW. If your mom insists then maybe you need to compromise that the budget she offered you as a gift needs to cover all of your wedding requirements (to me a photographer is a requirement) and if there is money left over then you can put guests up at the Caribe. You can also compromise with her that if guests are being paid for then you should be able to pay your friends way and everyone has to be put up at the same hotel so its fair. I think her eyes just need to be opened. 

 

Personally, if i had a child and i offered money to pay the wedding, i would write the cheque and let the gift be a gift. If i started spending the money for them then its not really a gift anymore. 
 

Originally Posted by SparksFly View Post

Hello,

 

Long story short...

 

Getting married at the Royal in Cancun (5 star hotel)

Offering that guests stay at the Royal or the Caribe (sister resort 3.5 star)

 

My mom thinks it's rude to throw a destination wedding without offering  people accomedations...well...at least to her friends.

 

I have a 15K-17K budget that I VERY much want to stay in because whatever money I do not spend out of 30K is mine to keep.

 

My mother who is paying for the wedding is offering her friends left and right rooms at the Royal (not the caribe, god FORBID they had to stay at the caribe) at like $400 a night!

 

I want my mom to have friends there, but these are established people in the 40-50's. Why am I paying for their rooms?

 

So far it's close to $7500 just on family and friends (of my parents). Am I being ridiculous? I am trying to squeeze money out of our budget now so I can pay for a photographer, but its not looking good.

 

Again, am I being ridiculous and selfish?



 

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She's kind of a control freak, and this is definately a reflection of that trait. Not to mention that I am playing travel agent for her friends booking their hotel rooms on my card.

 

I told her plenty of times that its really not necessary to pay people's way for a DW, but she just doesn't understand it.

 

She keeps saying that in reality we will spend 20K, and she thinks I am nuts for keeping a budget spreadsheet.

 

SORRY for bothering everyone. This is definately me whinning about how my family is giving me $30k to throw a wedding. blah.gif Haha I really sound like a brat and a half!

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