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Don't Know How To Feel ?!?!

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#1 ConfusedBride98

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    Posted 14 November 2011 - 10:15 AM

    Hello All,

    I have never posted anything on a site before so I am brand new at this, but here it goes!


    My sister and I are 7 years apart, me being the younger one. I have always been a mommas girl and her a daddy's girl (our parents split up when she was 8 and i was 9 months old). I have always been the hopeless romantic wanting nothing more than kids and a family so i could be the mom that my mom was to me. She is cold and calculated like my father. She has hated me from the day i was born, which is something she has vocalized to me on more than one occasion. She was very nasty to me growing up and went out of her way to embarrass me or make my life harder and more painful. She met a man and had a baby with him when she was in her early 20's and me in my mid teens. I could not have been happier for her and it brought us closer together as a result, which was great seeing as how i always wanted her acceptance. As we got closer she started to do things I did, started wearing the clothes I did and taking credit for how awesome they were. That being said I have always been a little touchy on the subject of people biting my style and not giving credit where it is due...

    The man she was with proposed to her numerous times and she always said no, she did not believe in marriage and never wanted to get married, something that she has felt from a young age. Their lives took a turn for the worse when he took his own life, a VERY sad situating seeing as how she had left him for the 10th time and was planning on going back again, and now my nephew has no father.


    We lost our mom last year, an extremely traumatic event that brought us closer yet again. I was very close with my mom and I am feeling very alone, which is why I am posting this. I got engaged in June, an extremely happy day for me!! We had been dating for a little over a year and a half, been living together for 6 months and known each other for 6 years.She had been dating this new guy for 8 months and had wanted to end things with him 3 or 4 times already. When I shared the good news with her she was so mad and mean it ruined my day (i know i shouldn't have let it but its easier said than done). My now fiance had shared with her last November that he was going to purpose to me and we are going to get married in Hawaii, my moms favorite place in the whole world so there would be something of her at the wedding, my sister laughed. (my fiance told me this a few weeks after he purposed and she was still laying on the hurt).


    About a week after we got engaged all of a sudden she now wanted to get married and i thought oh please no, please don't do this to my wedding day. Well guess what, she is. i have already set a date and informed just about everyone to start saving as its a DW. She called me around the middle of September just to let me know that is her bf purposed she will say yes, and get married in Hawaii before me. i kind of laughed it off hoping it was a joke. its not. she got engaged yesterday and didn't even have the balls to tell me, she got her son to call me and tell me and i could hear her telling him what to say in the background. Here is where the confused feelings come in. On one hand I am SO happy for her and her bf is a really great guy and an amazing role model for my nephew. On the other hand I am angry, hurt, confused, and really disappointed in her. I feel like she is getting married just so she can spite me. i dot think she is being fair to her bf and i think she is getting married for the wrong reasons and is going to hurt alot of people in the process. I am also feeling like she is stealing my thunder, which is a selfish thing to say i don't like to even admit it to myself.


    All of my friends want to rip her a new one, but that will not solve anything it will just make it worse. If i mention how i am feeling to her she will flip it on me and tell everyone in our family that i am being a spoiled brat bridezilla. which i am kind of feeling like a brat but i am by no means a bridezilla, i just want my special day, that will already be a VERY hard day for me due to the loss of my mom, to be mine. i feel horrible for feeling this way and have no idea what to do. i am feeling so many emotions that are all contradicting, please help!

    #2 boscobel

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      Posted 17 November 2011 - 09:13 AM

      Ugh, your sister seems very unhappy with herself.  I would take a deep breath and try to continue as you have portrayed that you are acting - continue being the bigger person.  One thing I'v learned (but it's a hard lesson) is that we can't control anyone but ourselves.  So let her do her thing and you keep doing yours.  It sucks to have that tension, but it won't solve anything if you feed into it and start fighting/arguing about it.  That all being said about being the bigger person, the whole situation sucks!

      #3 starchild



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        Posted 17 November 2011 - 09:20 AM

        Wow!  That is a lot to take in.  I feel for you because your relationship with your sister is awful.  Just based on what you said it seems she is totally doing this out of spite, I mean maybe the marriage is real but to use your venue and do it before you is wrong.  A regular person would pick another venue just out of decency but she wants to one up you it seems. 


        What to do?  Uggh....there isn't anything to do but try and have a heart to heart with her (if that's possible?) and pitch your position.  She probably won't change and you'll end up frustrated and hurt but I don't know what else you can do.  Is your dad still around?  Can he intervene? I'm so sorry! 

        #4 Jamie5280

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          Posted 18 November 2011 - 01:08 PM

          ooohhh!!!  This makes me sad for you!  Your sister doesn't sound like much of a sister at all!  So terrible when your own family tries to "one up"and hurt you purposely! 


          I know I would be so upset and would want to act out on her, and tell her what she is doing is selfish and spiteful!  But....the above ladies are right!  You (unfortunately) have to be the bigger person.  I would try to calmly talk to her about it, (if you can) but it sounds like it may fall on deaf ears anyways!  But in the end, you will be the one with all the class.  People know you got engaged first and I promise people will remember that. They will think to themselves that what your sister is doing is not right.  Let your sister make a fool out of herself!


          I hope you can concentrate on you and FI and the amazing wedding you are going to have in Hawaii! 


          I hope everything works out for you!  And Congrats on the engagement!!!  :)


          (((BIG HUGS)))  

          #5 ConfusedBride98

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            Posted 23 November 2011 - 04:02 PM

            Thanks guys! Unfortunately talking to her about it is not an option as that will 99% blow up in my face and I'll end up more hurt than I am. I wish I could talk to her and nicely explain how this makes me fee, but that is not possible without further issues...

            My dad is still around but he is closer with my sister, and to be honest doesn't care at all that either of us are getting married hahah also a huge bummer!

            my fiance' is great and we will have a happy life together and you guys are right, that is all that matters! That being said being the "bigger person" is hard sometimes haha and as much of a not nice thing this is to do and how badly it hurt me I don't want her to look like an ass, even though she will. Everyone already knows the date and place of my wedding and she is going to look like a total biter jerk. Which makes me sad for her!

            This is such a confusing situation, thanks for all the support it's really what i needed!



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