I don't know what section this should be in and I'm sorry in advance if this is long-winded.
I have a friend and her and her husband are in our bridal party.
On September 7th her husband went to the hospital (dinner timeish) because his ulcer ruptured. His ulcer that he refused to take care of, ANYWAYS lol...
We leave for our Punta Cana wedding on November 6th. Back in February I told everyone who was in our group rate (including them) that the date we had to make our full and final payments was September 7th. I even followed-up with everyone in August to remind them. So needless to say, they didn't pay it (why they waited until the last day is beyond me anyways and considering the timelines they wouldn't have made it in to pay that day regardless if he went to the hopsital).
So the next day I borrowed a car from my dad's car dealership so I could drive about 40 minutes (if there's no traffic) in rush hour to the hospital to see him. I spent 4 hours there while she went home to eat and shower and what not.
He asked me there (I never brought up anything wedding related) what will happen to their deposits and I said they would probably lose them but not to worry as I would talk to my cousin (our travel agent) and see if we can work something out.
I ended up getting their deposits back and a couple of days later I told the wife that I was able to get them back and she just had to call my cousin to arrange something as to how they were getting it back.
As a side note, the husband's tux for our wedding had been ready at the store for about a month and I had been asking them if they were going to pick it up/pay for it as the store said since it wasn't paid for they were going to return it...nothing was ever done about that.
The hospital kept him for 3 days for observation in case the medication they gave him wasn't working and they needed to operate - they sent him home after the 3 days obviously not needing the operation.
So then the converstations started with him not being able to go (according to his wife). Not because of his health per se but mainly because he has tests coming up and they might be during that week (I would think you could tell them that you were planning on travelling that week and they would work around it - but maybe I'm wrong).
So over the last few days I would ask her for updates on her husband and tell her that I hoped everything was okay and he was in my thoughts in prayers. I also tried talking to her about how she can get her deposit and she wouldn't answer me - this is the same person who thought the deposit was going to be refunded to MY credit card at first and emailed me right away to say "As soon as it is refunded on to your credit card, let me know so we can arrange a time to come get our money off you". So I told the travel agency that the money was never on my card to begin with so please cut them a cheque for them to go pick up, once I made that arrangement is when it felt like she was ignoring my emails/text messages/phone calls.
Then every time I would ask her about the tux she would say things like "I don't know what he is doing about the tux anymore - why don't you ask him"...trouble is, I had been trying to contact him to even offer my credit card as a means to pay for it so they didn't send it back if he wasn't up to picking it up. So I figured she could help me since she is married to the guy.
So finally I just told her that I honestly felt like she didn't care about my wedding because of her completel lack of interest in anything I would be asking her and get the tux, don't get it, whatever I don't care anymore. I didn't think I needed to hound a 34 year old in paying for a trip on time or picking up his tux - needless to say I was a little fed up and just frustrated. I had also apologized for being a bit short-fused about it but I was just frustrated since we are less than 2 months away and I have no idea what is going on with them. I also said I understand her husband's health is at the fore front of her mind but I also have to keep my plans going for the wedding and just need to know what is going on....I got this email back:
"Let's be honest here...and lets not pretend you're all innocent and you do nothing wrong. Since you brought up the "lack of concern" topic....every single text/email you have sent me since [husband] was in the hospital was 'my wedding this and my wedding that oh and btw how is [husband] feeling?' You could have saved yourself the trouble of writing that last sentence.
You're right, you shouldn't have to "hound" us to pay on time or get the tux. I certainly remember hounding [husband] to get that stuff done long time ago as well. As for the payment of the vacation, [husband] was packing up early that day so he COULD go and pay the deposit for your very special wedding - obviously this doesn't matter to you. I don't feel that I need to justify anything to you at this point but I will make the next few statements as a reminder to you. [husband] was over booked and working DAY and NIGHT to finish all his work for the last 2 MONTHS. I have also been extremely busy as mentioned to you in very many emails over the past few months and not to mention the lack of reply messages from me due to the fact that I've been so busy.
Your wedding is important to your friends and especially to you too but my husband's health is absolutely more important to me - understand it if you'd like but my family comes first, to others it may come second. I appreciate you sharing how you feel."
That followed with me kind of being like WTF where did that come from??
I said I was shocked at her response and attitude and just didn't know what to say...that followed by her telling her how disgusted she has been with my attitude in months (believe me when I say there has been no issues before this so I have no idea what she was talking about) and how self-centered I am....
So I lost it and told her I want her nowhere near me on my wedding day and to pretty much just not be there...she told me she will not be giving me the money back for her dress (I paid for her BM dress) because it was a gift so I shouldn't even ask for it back....then she said she would be happy to just give me the dress back.
The next day:
Hope you are well.
Just wanted to let you know that you can drop my bridesmaid dress off at Flight Centre with my cousin or whomever is working there when you go to pick up your cheque. She is aware of it.
I do hope everything ends up being okay with [husnbad]. Regardless of everything you said to me â€“ heâ€™s still in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care. "
"I am NOT the one going to flight centre as I said I don't have time and will NOT make it there.
" Regardless of everything you said to me" - what exactly is it that I said that offended you? Honesty is the best policy and if you can't take it DON'T ASK, stop trying to get the upper hand in this and don't manipulate words.
As I said please do not contact me through email/text if you'd like to discuss this further."
I just need some advice I guess...
Would you have kicked her out?
Should I try to salvage the friendship? (I'm not sure I even want to do that - a few years ago we had stopped talking to them because my fiance's mother had died a few years earlier and he has no other family and he and this same girl were play fighting and he sprayed some water at her that got in her ear and she said, "Do you want to end up dead like the rest of your family?")...she obviously has verbal diarrhea.
I just don't know...am I being crazy?
Sorry again for the length - I'm just really looking for some guidance.