A Message to my Invited Guests

[zbwedding]

AMEN!!!!!  If its not one excuse, its just another... and another... and another... 
 

Originally Posted by Sllefebvr 

I think people CHOOSE not to take it off and use the excuse that they are a teacher.. COME ON.. SERIOUSLY you can take time off from any job I don't care what it is... Especially if you give a years notice.. Excuses Excuses

 

[zbwedding]

This is one of my favorite posts on this Forum.  Thank you for saying things that I just cant even find the words to get out... Im so hurt and angry.  And as you can see from the responses, you are not alone by any means.  I try so hard every day not to take things personal, but its personal... its real  personal.  There's some phone calls I would like to make myself, I just wont allow myself to make the situations any more worse then they are... its just not worth it.  I say it daily, several times a day, my biggest regret is that we didnt elope!
 

Originally Posted by JBean 

Ladies - I never knew how stressful a destination wedding could be, or all the things you would learn about people in the process. I'm afraid this whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. We knew not a lot of people would be able to come to Mexico, and that was fine.  I was handling it all quite well, until yesterday, when 3 people (including a bridesmaid!) bailed on the wedding, a mere 50 days out. A bride can only take so much!

 

I need to vent so I'm saying all the things you can't say, and I'm saying them here so that I don't make some regrettable phone calls the next time I've had a few bevies. 

 

1) It's not the fact that you're not coming that is bothersome, it's the way you go (or don't go) about it. Why wait until the LAST MINUTE to RSVP? If you know you're not coming, why not pop the little card in the mail? Huh? But at least you people RSVP'd at all! Which leads me to...

 

2) LEARN how to RSVP people - is this a lost art? Has respect gone out the window? WE INCLUDED THE STAMP AND sent out reminder emails - it's not that difficult!! And frankly, it's inconsiderate and RUDE.

 

3) For those of you (especially close family members) that said to our faces that you would "definitely be there", and loved to talk about how much fun it was going to be, and THEN miss the RSVP deadline AND don't end up booking - Seriously???

 

4) To all the people who use money as an excuse for not coming - You all had over a year and half to plan and save for this wedding. If you REALLY wanted to be there, MOST of you could have made it happen. At least lie and say you can't get the time off - that's a bit easier to swallow. 

 

5) To my eldest (yet seemingly youngest) brother - don't pin your inability to come to the wedding and financial issues on your baby daughter, and then post pics of your new motorbike on Facebook. Also, when our other brother (who IS coming) offers to share a room with you to cut costs, don't say "I'd rather have a room to myself" and then tell me the trip is cost prohibitive.

 

6) To my fiance's family, of which barely anyone is coming or even bothered to RSVP - I wish I had more reasons to be excited about becoming a part of this family. Your welcome was about as warm as a block of ice.

 

7) To my bridesmaid, who waited until yesterday (6 weeks out) to cancel - see #4. Waiting this long to cancel, unfortunately, will hurt our friendship. I have your dress, BM gift and flowers sitting here, reminding me that one of my longest, closest friends, who swore she'd be there - will not be.

 

8) Finally, to those of you who *gasp* RSVP'd ON TIME (and some of you more than once, just to be sure we got it), whether you're coming to the wedding or not - THANK YOU! 

 

It's taking every ounce of strength I have not to post this on Facebook. 

 

 

 

[JBean]

Yes, it really does feel personal. And you're right - in some cases it kind of is!!  I was feeling pretty crappy there for a few days, but I really think once we're in our destination, we'll be happy with our choice. Although I'm disappointed in some people, I am grateful for those who are attending, and will spend some amazing quality time with each of them. 
 

Originally Posted by zbwedding 

This is one of my favorite posts on this Forum.  Thank you for saying things that I just cant even find the words to get out... Im so hurt and angry.  And as you can see from the responses, you are not alone by any means.  I try so hard every day not to take things personal, but its personal... its real  personal.  There's some phone calls I would like to make myself, I just wont allow myself to make the situations any more worse then they are... its just not worth it.  I say it daily, several times a day, my biggest regret is that we didnt elope!
 

 

 

[WeddingMay]

Hahahaha....I'm sure eloping would find a way to be stressful too!

[WeddingMay]

Yes, yes, yes....I knew my wedding didn't mean that much to you. You confirmed it (uncle) when you bought your 16 year old daughter a car that costs five times as much as a trip to my wedding! And (other uncle) your four other vacations with non-family members is definatley more important than your niece's wedding. Oh, and worst of all, FI's dad can't be bothered!

 

Thanks for letting me vent tooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sllefebvr]

UPDATE UPDATE

 

Now our "teacher" friend (FI's best friend's *supposed to be his BM* wife) now decided she "wants" to come the two of them and her mother.. they will all split a room so keep costs down... UM MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!! Either yes or no and if you are going to make up some extravagant excuse stick to your excuse don't change it at the whim of a hat!

[anudrm]

Been there done that also.....BM (Husband's cousin) wife has now decided that she isn't coming, she was just coming at the beginning of September, wasn't coming in July and the same  who said "us Floridians wouldn't come to Virginia in November if you have your wedding then".....Why does your opinion matter?!?!? You are NO person of interest.  Yet then again, who know's if BM is coming anyhow, he still doesn't have a passport and or has applied for one.  Cut off is Saturday!!

Originally Posted by Sllefebvr 

UPDATE UPDATE

 

Now our "teacher" friend (FI's best friend's *supposed to be his BM* wife) now decided she "wants" to come the two of them and her mother.. they will all split a room so keep costs down... UM MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!! Either yes or no and if you are going to make up some extravagant excuse stick to your excuse don't change it at the whim of a hat!

 

[Laurelyn]

Just looked at your wedding date... wonder how many more times they will change there mind in that time period!  Ugh some people!!
 

Originally Posted by Sllefebvr 

UPDATE UPDATE

 

Now our "teacher" friend (FI's best friend's *supposed to be his BM* wife) now decided she "wants" to come the two of them and her mother.. they will all split a room so keep costs down... UM MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!! Either yes or no and if you are going to make up some extravagant excuse stick to your excuse don't change it at the whim of a hat!

 

[Jamie5280]

You go girl!!

 

Seriously, people are sooo rude!!! 

 

Most of the girls I am inviting, most of whom I have been in their weddings (about 10 weddings in all) which I have spent NO LESS than $1000 to be in their weddings (it's usually around $2000 and 2 were a DW) are already telling me it's too expensive!!!  you!!!!  Thank you so much for being there for me, selfish much???????????????  But I guess they are telling me now and not 50 day before hand!  But it still stings and makes sad that I wanted to do all these nice things for them and their weddings, but won't even come to mine, but promise my parties beforehand will be fun.  ummm.....I don't want your help, thank you!!! 

 

I have a feeling this will change friendships!!!

 

AAAHHH, apparently, I needed to vent too!!!  Thanks!!!

 

This thread is all too common, but much needed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pucca]

Originally Posted by JBean 

 

Ladies - I never knew how stressful a destination wedding could be, or all the things you would learn about people in the process. I'm afraid this whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. We knew not a lot of people would be able to come to Mexico, and that was fine.  I was handling it all quite well, until yesterday, when 3 people (including a bridesmaid!) bailed on the wedding, a mere 50 days out. A bride can only take so much!

 

I need to vent so I'm saying all the things you can't say, and I'm saying them here so that I don't make some regrettable phone calls the next time I've had a few bevies. 

 

1) It's not the fact that you're not coming that is bothersome, it's the way you go (or don't go) about it. Why wait until the LAST MINUTE to RSVP? If you know you're not coming, why not pop the little card in the mail? Huh? But at least you people RSVP'd at all! Which leads me to...

 

2) LEARN how to RSVP people - is this a lost art? Has respect gone out the window? WE INCLUDED THE STAMP AND sent out reminder emails - it's not that difficult!! And frankly, it's inconsiderate and RUDE.

 

3) For those of you (especially close family members) that said to our faces that you would "definitely be there", and loved to talk about how much fun it was going to be, and THEN miss the RSVP deadline AND don't end up booking - Seriously???

 

4) To all the people who use money as an excuse for not coming - You all had over a year and half to plan and save for this wedding. If you REALLY wanted to be there, MOST of you could have made it happen. At least lie and say you can't get the time off - that's a bit easier to swallow. 

 

5) To my eldest (yet seemingly youngest) brother - don't pin your inability to come to the wedding and financial issues on your baby daughter, and then post pics of your new motorbike on Facebook. Also, when our other brother (who IS coming) offers to share a room with you to cut costs, don't say "I'd rather have a room to myself" and then tell me the trip is cost prohibitive.

 

6) To my fiance's family, of which barely anyone is coming or even bothered to RSVP - I wish I had more reasons to be excited about becoming a part of this family. Your welcome was about as warm as a block of ice.

 

7) To my bridesmaid, who waited until yesterday (6 weeks out) to cancel - see #4. Waiting this long to cancel, unfortunately, will hurt our friendship. I have your dress, BM gift and flowers sitting here, reminding me that one of my longest, closest friends, who swore she'd be there - will not be.

 

8) Finally, to those of you who *gasp* RSVP'd ON TIME (and some of you more than once, just to be sure we got it), whether you're coming to the wedding or not - THANK YOU! 

 

It's taking every ounce of strength I have not to post this on Facebook. 

 

 

 

JBean, what a great thread! And it looks like there are a lot of us who are frustrated, including me!!

 

I agree with you 1,000,000%!! It isn't so much the fact that you are coming or not coming; a little thing called RSVP really really helps!! Learn to do it the proper way!

 

I have a guest who totally ignored my emails and phone calls and then I ended up learning (through someone else) that they have absolutely no money and can't come! Appalling, considering they didn't have the gumption to just be upfront and honest with me, AND, that out of all our guests, their two tickets would end up costing the least - having had a year's notice to save up for this wedding. I'm trying hard not to say anything directly to this person, or even too much to my fiance, because she's going to be future family and I don't want any rifts to form other than the one she's creating.... I've asked for her to call us so we can just talk to her and she can tell us directly what her situation is; but has she? Nope..... If she would have called, we would have offered to pay for their tickets because we found such a cheap deal for them. But I guess she really didn't want to talk to us or whatever. I've decided that it's her loss really....not ours. Of course my future mother-in-law keeps mentioning that it's because we chose to have our wedding in such an expensive place as Mexico. As much as I love her, I told my fiance that I don't want to hear that anymore because it obviously turned out to be less expensive for his family than mine so let's not bring money into this discussion.

 

And then I have family members who sat on their duffs and have not purchased any tickets despite me having notified them three times in the last month and a half of reasonable airfares! And yesterday my mom tells me that they told her they might not come because ticket prices are too expensive! Well, DUH..... If you had purchased tickets when I told you to, you wouldn't have had to pay extra now would you?!?

 

My main problem with all of this is the lack of communication. Be up front with me. Let's have a discussion and let's see if I can help you figure something out! I'm not made of money of course but I feel I am somewhat of a savvy traveler so let's look at all the options that may be available! Don't ignore me or twiddle your thumbs expecting the money fairy to drop a bucket of $100 bills on you!

 

So that's my vent.....

 

My fiance reminds me that despite all of this, personal or not, we are going to have the time of our lives with the wonderful people who have made the effort to plan ahead and are going to be there. And those who are there are the important people; and those who aren't can just be sorry they missed out on a doggone good time! I've decided he's right, even as I think that it's sad people don't know how to communicate. But I've also come to realize that weddings, destination or not, reveal people's character for the most part.

 

Originally Posted by Sllefebvr 

 

I think people CHOOSE not to take it off and use the excuse that they are a teacher.. COME ON.. SERIOUSLY you can take time off from any job I don't care what it is... Especially if you give a years notice.. Excuses Excuses

 

These are definitely excuses indeed. I have a friend who's a teacher. She had a year's notice but she knew she couldn't use any vacation days since she technically doesn't have any; but she has personal days. So she decided she's going to call in sick the day before and make it a long weekend. I'm so grateful she'll be there. I also know other people who could probably adjust their schedules with plenty of time but have chosen not to. Oh well.