A Message to my Invited Guests

JBean · September 21, 2011

Ladies - I never knew how stressful a destination wedding could be, or all the things you would learn about people in the process. I'm afraid this whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. We knew not a lot of people would be able to come to Mexico, and that was fine. I was handling it all quite well, until yesterday, when 3 people (including a bridesmaid!) bailed on the wedding, a mere 50 days out. A bride can only take so much!

I need to vent so I'm saying all the things you can't say, and I'm saying them here so that I don't make some regrettable phone calls the next time I've had a few bevies.

1) It's not the fact that you're not coming that is bothersome, it's the way you go (or don't go) about it. Why wait until the LAST MINUTE to RSVP? If you know you're not coming, why not pop the little card in the mail? Huh? But at least you people RSVP'd at all! Which leads me to...

2) LEARN how to RSVP people - is this a lost art? Has respect gone out the window? WE INCLUDED THE STAMP AND sent out reminder emails - it's not that difficult!! And frankly, it's inconsiderate and RUDE.

3) For those of you (especially close family members) that said to our faces that you would "definitely be there", and loved to talk about how much fun it was going to be, and THEN miss the RSVP deadline AND don't end up booking - Seriously???

4) To all the people who use money as an excuse for not coming - You all had over a year and half to plan and save for this wedding. If you REALLY wanted to be there, MOST of you could have made it happen. At least lie and say you can't get the time off - that's a bit easier to swallow.

5) To my eldest (yet seemingly youngest) brother - don't pin your inability to come to the wedding and financial issues on your baby daughter, and then post pics of your new motorbike on Facebook. Also, when our other brother (who IS coming) offers to share a room with you to cut costs, don't say "I'd rather have a room to myself" and then tell me the trip is cost prohibitive.

6) To my fiance's family, of which barely anyone is coming or even bothered to RSVP - I wish I had more reasons to be excited about becoming a part of this family. Your welcome was about as warm as a block of ice.

7) To my bridesmaid, who waited until yesterday (6 weeks out) to cancel - see #4. Waiting this long to cancel, unfortunately, will hurt our friendship. I have your dress, BM gift and flowers sitting here, reminding me that one of my longest, closest friends, who swore she'd be there - will not be.

8) Finally, to those of you who *gasp* RSVP'd ON TIME (and some of you more than once, just to be sure we got it), whether you're coming to the wedding or not - THANK YOU!

It's taking every ounce of strength I have not to post this on Facebook.

anudrm · September 21, 2011

YES YES YES!!!!!

#1- 4 AND ESPECIALLY #6

I am with your feelings completly. Our wedding is November 12 and the 2 BestMen (husband's cousin & brother) have no flight or passports and we are paying for their room. At this point, I am just telling myself 2 less people I need to prepare gifts for, buy t-shirts for and one room I don't have to pay for. His mother continues to tell him the same and yet has no passport either and I guess we are supposed to foot that cost also, seriously over the last 7 months you couldn't save up enough to get a passport, GTFOH!!!!

Now all that matters to me, is my mom, my grandfather (who is walking me down the aisle), and my closest friends will be there. The whole money thing is F*in bologna to me - like you we have told every one since February 2010, so whatever!!! Less negative people around me.

LindsayR · September 21, 2011

JBean- I bet it was nice to at least get that all out! Even if it was only on here! I'm with you. People these days are RUDE!! If you gave people 1 1/2 years to save for the wedding and sent out RSVPs ....WHAT else can you do?! People need to realize these SIMPLE things can mean so much!! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this...but at least you have us to vent to!! What matters most is that you are going to have a WONDERFUL wedding and so much friends with all your family and friends that WILL be there!!

emilyjane · September 21, 2011

I know it was hard to wrap my head around the money thing, but I came to the realization/understanding that yes, some people may be able to afford to come, or could have saved up the money to come... but in the end, maybe they just don't want to spend their money on coming to my wedding.

At first I didn't understand when it was still a year away and people said "it's too expensive," and I thought "you could save $30/week and your trip would be paid for." But then I finally realized that yes, people could save that money, but perhaps they'd rather have that money on a weekly basis to eat dinner out, go to the movies, smoke... do whatever they want with!

So yes, people may make excuses that it's too expensive, and then appear to be living "high off the hog," but in the end, maybe they just don't want a Caribbean vacation, and would rather spend their money on other things.

Hope this helps!

JBean · September 21, 2011

Originally Posted by anudrm

YES YES YES!!!!!

#1- 4 AND ESPECIALLY #6

I am with your feelings completly. Our wedding is November 12 and the 2 BestMen (husband's cousin & brother) have no flight or passports and we are paying for their room. At this point, I am just telling myself 2 less people I need to prepare gifts for, buy t-shirts for and one room I don't have to pay for. His mother continues to tell him the same and yet has no passport either and I guess we are supposed to foot that cost also, seriously over the last 7 months you couldn't save up enough to get a passport, GTFOH!!!!

Now all that matters to me, is my mom, my grandfather (who is walking me down the aisle), and my closest friends will be there. The whole money thing is F*in bologna to me - like you we have told every one since February 2010, so whatever!!! Less negative people around me.

Anudrm - I feel for ya. I am also very lucky to have some great people from my family joining us.

Originally Posted by LindsayR

JBean- I bet it was nice to at least get that all out! Even if it was only on here! I'm with you. People these days are RUDE!! If you gave people 1 1/2 years to save for the wedding and sent out RSVPs ....WHAT else can you do?! People need to realize these SIMPLE things can mean so much!! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this...but at least you have us to vent to!! What matters most is that you are going to have a WONDERFUL wedding and so much friends with all your family and friends that WILL be there!!

I first want to say - I know it sounds all negative (it's a venting post) but I'm really actually thrilled with a lot of the turn out. We have more than initially expected. Again, it's not that people aren't coming, it's how they're going about "not coming", if that makes sense.

Originally Posted by emilyjane

I know it was hard to wrap my head around the money thing, but I came to the realization/understanding that yes, some people may be able to afford to come, or could have saved up the money to come... but in the end, maybe they just don't want to spend their money on coming to my wedding.

At first I didn't understand when it was still a year away and people said "it's too expensive," and I thought "you could save $30/week and your trip would be paid for." But then I finally realized that yes, people could save that money, but perhaps they'd rather have that money on a weekly basis to eat dinner out, go to the movies, smoke... do whatever they want with!

So yes, people may make excuses that it's too expensive, and then appear to be living "high off the hog," but in the end, maybe they just don't want a Caribbean vacation, and would rather spend their money on other things.

Hope this helps!

EJ - I do completely agree, and that's a very good way to think of it. I'm mostly just upset by my close family members (ie: my brother, and Fi's uncle - Fi's dad passed away years ago and I know he really wanted his uncle there instead) that (I think) should be there, no matter what. My eldest brother is just selfish - he will borrow $ from my parents to pay taxes, and then buy a new TV and never pay them back. We all kind of expected he wouldn't come, but I was hoping he would not be selfish for once. Everyone else, their money is their perogative.

Sharon99 · September 22, 2011

AMEN!!!

I think we all are going through most if not all of these

Originally Posted by JBean

Ladies - I never knew how stressful a destination wedding could be, or all the things you would learn about people in the process. I'm afraid this whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. We knew not a lot of people would be able to come to Mexico, and that was fine. I was handling it all quite well, until yesterday, when 3 people (including a bridesmaid!) bailed on the wedding, a mere 50 days out. A bride can only take so much!

I need to vent so I'm saying all the things you can't say, and I'm saying them here so that I don't make some regrettable phone calls the next time I've had a few bevies.

1) It's not the fact that you're not coming that is bothersome, it's the way you go (or don't go) about it. Why wait until the LAST MINUTE to RSVP? If you know you're not coming, why not pop the little card in the mail? Huh? But at least you people RSVP'd at all! Which leads me to...

2) LEARN how to RSVP people - is this a lost art? Has respect gone out the window? WE INCLUDED THE STAMP AND sent out reminder emails - it's not that difficult!! And frankly, it's inconsiderate and RUDE.

3) For those of you (especially close family members) that said to our faces that you would "definitely be there", and loved to talk about how much fun it was going to be, and THEN miss the RSVP deadline AND don't end up booking - Seriously???

4) To all the people who use money as an excuse for not coming - You all had over a year and half to plan and save for this wedding. If you REALLY wanted to be there, MOST of you could have made it happen. At least lie and say you can't get the time off - that's a bit easier to swallow.

5) To my eldest (yet seemingly youngest) brother - don't pin your inability to come to the wedding and financial issues on your baby daughter, and then post pics of your new motorbike on Facebook. Also, when our other brother (who IS coming) offers to share a room with you to cut costs, don't say "I'd rather have a room to myself" and then tell me the trip is cost prohibitive.

6) To my fiance's family, of which barely anyone is coming or even bothered to RSVP - I wish I had more reasons to be excited about becoming a part of this family. Your welcome was about as warm as a block of ice.

7) To my bridesmaid, who waited until yesterday (6 weeks out) to cancel - see #4. Waiting this long to cancel, unfortunately, will hurt our friendship. I have your dress, BM gift and flowers sitting here, reminding me that one of my longest, closest friends, who swore she'd be there - will not be.

8) Finally, to those of you who *gasp* RSVP'd ON TIME (and some of you more than once, just to be sure we got it), whether you're coming to the wedding or not - THANK YOU!

It's taking every ounce of strength I have not to post this on Facebook.

TropicLover · September 22, 2011

Oh you totally said what I've been thinking since our STD's went out in May!

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBean