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sarahdawn

Guests paying?

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I traveled to a wedding in another state and was offended when asked to pay for the rehearsal dinner.  I def wouldn't have ppl pay for their own dinner especially with the distance they are traveling.  Decisions, Decisions! I do believe it is YOUR day and should be planned YOUR way soooo "Whatever floats your boat". LOL. Happy planning!

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I have never heard of a wedding where guests were asked to pay for their own meals.  What I have heard is couples getting creative and cutting back where they could elsewhere (i.e, cash bar, smaller guest list, fewer favors/flowers/decor, even hors d'ouvre reception rather than full meal). 

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To add to the fray, I think you should not ask your guests to come to your wedding and pay for their supper!!! When my daughter was married in Jamaica at an AI, she paid for one day of everyone's AI plan ($115 plus tax ) to insure that no one paid for the  welcome or reception dinner. If she had her reception in the States, the costs would had been similar, so why should the guests be required to pay for their dinner because the wedding couple decided to do a DW?

 

Regarding those guests that you don't know...I would be surprised that relatives/friends that you are not well acquainted with are going to pay $2200+ to come to your wedding, of the 88 people invited to our daughter's wedding, 42 came  Futhermore, when I receive invitations from couples that I haven't seen in years!!! I assume that they are gift seekers, and really are not expecting me to come. However, with a close blood relative like an Uncle or Aunt, if you invite them and they come, see it as a reconnecting with a family member that you should probably get to know! I will say this, we were surprise about the guests that chose to come versus the ones that didn't.

 

As mentioned by others , maybe you can save money in other ways-going with local flowers, cost effective centerpieces, skipping the OTT bags, etc. Good luck with your planning. Its your wedding and ultimately your decision.

 

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I can say from experience, my sister was having a last minute, thrown together wedding and was tossing around the idea of having guests pay for their dinner. It was a local wedding, no travel expenses for the majority. Honestly, it was a big blow up in our family over the audacity of her decision lol. 

I know that in her situation, my suggestion to her was to just have cocktails and appetizers, skip a dinner and save the cost. No one is offended that way. Every family is different, but having the guests pay for their dinner is a little untraditional and will most definitely create some miffed family. 

 

 

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I am not sure what I would think if I was asked to pay for my own meal after paying to travel to a DW. Like dmob said it would be a surprise if a family member you haven't seen for years would pay that much to go to your DW.

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I am so glad I found this thread. I was thinking about just having a beach wedding, renting homes for everyone to stay in (only inviting about 20 people) and then going out to eat and they pay their meals. I was only going to have them stay a couple of days so it would end up being super cheap to stay.

 

But clearly this is a bad idea haha. Wow. Personally if I was going to a small destination wedding and we were maybe offered just drinks and went out to eat dutch, I wouldn't be offended, so long as it's not somewhere super expensive. But I am apparently in the minority on this. So I will definitely consider the restaurant idea we foot the bill. Still considering a dessert only reception though (because, let's be honest, the dessert is the best part! :) )

 

Thanks ladies.

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I am in agreeance with the the rest here.  I would be wildly offended if I paid $1500+ to go the wedding and then was asked to pay for my plate.  If it means cutting the guest list or cutting costs elsewhere, then I think that's what you have to do.  You don't want to spend all this time, $$ and effort to plan your wedding in paradise and then have guests be left with a bad taste in their mouth being asked to pay for their own supper, because it's likely that's this is what they will remember (human nature).  I liked the suggestion of doing a cocktail hour instead.  Really, if you haven't seen certain relatives in so long, are they really going to pay all that money to come?  I know for myself, I'm only inviting one set of aunt/uncle when I have six but I'm not close with the others at all, so they just are not getting an invite.

And you never know, just because everyone makes the assumption that a DW means no gifts, many folks feel it is proper to give a gift, and it will likely be a monetary gift since they are traveling.  So you may end up recouping some costs in the same way that you would with an at-home wedding.

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whenever i read older threads like this...im always wildly curious how it turned out for the original poster and what they decided. and often they dont come back...so its like reading a book with the ending missing hahaha

 

did the original poster cut her guest list? did the family pay for their meals? how did it end?!

 

but to add my 5 cents...nobody should have to pay for a wedding reception (i dont even like the idea of cash bars for drinks) especially if theyve travelled across the world to be with you at your wedding!

 

as for inviting certain relatives you dont really see... i was asked if i was going to invite my uncle stephen. my reply was "would this be the uncle stephen i havent heard from or seen since i was 10? er no" i mean given that he couldnt make the trip across england to visit us in london (apparently there is an annual phone call to my dad - his broher) he sure as hell isnt going to come all the way to mexico for my wedding. and i dont see the point of sending an invite to be polite when i know it would be rejected! i mean the idea of him coming is about as likely as him riding his tame flying pigs across the ocean, but even if we did invite him and he came, how would the conversation go? "so, how have you been for the last 16 years or so? any news?" meh.

 

 

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Like everyone else... I agree that I would feel outraged if I had to pay for my food/drinks.. ESPECIALLY at a destination wedding! People are going to spend in the thousands just to attend, and taking vacation time on top of that... they're spending hundreds or thousands of dollars and you can't pay $100 as a thank you? That's what I would be thinking if I was a guest! 

 

Even though we are on a super tight budget, we're planning on renting some multi-bedroom vacation homes in the DR to help out our other cash strapped friends. You have to remember that a destination wedding isn't exactly cheap or convenient for your guests.

 

As far as the relatives... either don't invite them (are your parents helping you to pay for the wedding? if not, it's not their decision!), or invite them and chances are that if you literally haven't spoken to them in decades, they won't make the effort/spend the money to fly halfway across the world to your wedding! 

 

Good luck! 

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