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Getting friends and family on board--Should we just elope?

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#11 kat2012

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    Posted 22 August 2011 - 05:37 PM

    We were pretty much in the same situation, and the more i was going in with it, the more frustrated and upset I would get. So we decided to do just two of us. Picked more expensive resort and my planning could not be any easier now and BEST part of it- WE get what WE dreamed about.

    I plan to have AHR's when we get back. Also my resort will stream our wedding if we get video package. So all our family members can see us getting maried and who have not seen would be able to watch video when we will get back.

    Good luck with you decision.

    Originally Posted by meggo623 

    Hi All,


    I know there have been quite a few posts like these over the years and I know my position is not unique, but I really need some support right now. I am having the hardest time getting people to like/understand my destination wedding dream. I want to do something really small and simple at a tropical locale, perhaps 20-25 people tops. I have a big family, so 10 of those people are just immediate family members...and it's the immediate family members who are the toughest to deal with.


    My dad and stepmom say they will support us but have been less than enthusiastic about it and I sent them a long e-mail about how this is really my dream and how unsupported I feel, and they just replied that they are discussing it and will get back to me. My fiance's parents are moving to Saudi Arabia (from our hometown) and do not want us to do a tropical DW, but would prefer something in Europe or back home so it would be easier for them to get to. My mom and stepdad are fine with it and say they'll be there no matter what, but I know they can't really afford it. We're all solidly middle class, and while this DW won't cost more than an annual vacation, most of my family has stopped taking annual vacations since the recession.


    So, at what point do you just give up your dream and do something else? I would rather elope than have a wedding at home. I just imagine a hometown wedding being mega-boring and neither my fiance or I are into the idea. However, I have heard from several family members (my mom and my sister) that they would have a really difficult time not being there for me...and I do really want them to be there...


    Am I just being selfish? Should I pick the most affordable option and give up my dream of a DW? I am so tired of people giving me ideas and telling me what they think I should do (which is always the most convenient option for them). I have a vision and I feel like anything less would be sad...of course, I also have overwhelming guilt that I am being a huge brat about this.


    HELP! What should I do?


    P.S. Locations on the short list are Puerto Vallarta, St John, St Lucia and Jamaica. I am looking for something with beaches and mountains so that people can do lots of activities, plus I want a vista at my ceremony...not just the white sandy beach thing, but something a little more scenic.


    #12 meggo623

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    • 8 posts

      Posted 23 August 2011 - 05:39 PM

      Thanks everyone for your support and kind words. You'd think people would be jumping at the chance to have a tropical vacation, but no it's this huge deal. I'm looking at local vendors, but my heart is only halfway in it...But then we could have a killer honeymoon...

      #13 JayKay

      • Sr. Member
      • 3,472 posts
      • Wedding Date:January 13, 2012
      • Wedding Location:Gran Bahia Principe Runaway Bay Jamaica
      • LocationSouthern Alberta

      Posted 23 August 2011 - 07:50 PM

      You could definately have a killer honeymoon.  Thats another reason I wish we would have eloped.  We are only going to our destionation for 1 week and our family and friends will be there the entire time and it wont feel like a true honeymoon.  And we cant afford to go for a second week.  Oh well, I guess that means we will have to take an anniversary trip or our dreams someday!


      Originally Posted by meggo623 

      Thanks everyone for your support and kind words. You'd think people would be jumping at the chance to have a tropical vacation, but no it's this huge deal. I'm looking at local vendors, but my heart is only halfway in it...But then we could have a killer honeymoon...


      #14 cbandemer

      • Jr. Member
      • 213 posts

        Posted 24 August 2011 - 07:43 AM

        Awww i'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I hope everything works out for and hopefully they realize what a big deal this is to you and come around.

        #15 meggo623

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          Posted 25 August 2011 - 10:11 AM

          I looked at that resort closely. Your wedding is going to me amazing. Best wishes on everything!

          #16 KatieJ

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          • 168 posts

            Posted 26 August 2011 - 09:16 PM

            Aww im so sorry that you are going through this:) Remember this is your day and you really have to do what you want.. as hard as that is.

            I went to a destination wedding a few years ago, and both the bride and the grooms parents were NOT into the idea of going away to get married. For them it was more that it wasn't traditional, not financial reasons, so its a little different... but once we got there their minds were instantly changed. Actually the grooms parents seemed to be enjoying it more than anyone! After we got back i remember the bride saying to me that she was so glad that she followed her heart, as it was her dream wedding, and it all worked out in the end!! She has reminded me of this as we started to plan our wedding, and its helped me to know i am doing the right thing for us!!! Hope it all works out!

            #17 coquine

            • Jr. Member
            • 236 posts
            • Wedding Location:St-Thomas

            Posted 05 November 2011 - 06:22 PM

            I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is hard not to feel disappointed no matter what. I know it's easier to say than to do but you should not feel guilty. It is your wedding and it is TOTALLY not selfish. I choose to do a Destination wedding because I could not bare having so many people telling me what to do and I know that in the end they would still be criticizing because you can't please everyone. I didn't want to have someone else's wedding. It was a hard decision because none of our parents could afford it. They were not very thrilled about it initially, especially my parents. I am working extra overtime to actually pay for their trips. My siblings were not thrilled about it either and I really thought they would not be present at all. I could not afford paying for their trips. In the end, my parents actually decided to pay for their own flights and they booked they flights before me!! My parents are getting excited about it (more than me to a certain point because I have been stressed out with the planning). My siblings booked their tickets before me too! I do feel a bit sad for my fiance, apart from his parents, none of his family will be there. Well maybe we will have some surprises. We won't have a honeymoon, if we do it will be much later. It's all right. We have our whole lifetime to go on vacations together. I was so stressed out before and felt so much better once we decided to have a destination wedding. I think that our family will have a great time together and am very excited to spend a whole week with them. I think they will love to have this vacation too since it is not something that they would ever do on their own. Sorry, I didn't mean to make this post so long, I just wanted to share. Hopefully this will be a bit helpful to hear. I really wish that everything will turn out fine for you. Hang in there. Everything will come together. No matter what, you will have a beautiful wedding because it is yours and it will be worth it!

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