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Gift registry: Need opinions...please (hopefully this helps others too)


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#1 ROXY6997

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    Posted 05 August 2011 - 08:59 PM

    Hi everyone!  I have read numerous threads on this topic, but I haven't really found what I am looking for, so I was hoping I could get some of your personal opinions.  This is going to turn into a rant and I by no means intend to offend anyone or their ideals, this is just my personal perspective.

     

    I am against registering for two reasons...the first being the obvious point that guests are already spending a lot on travel.

    The second reason is because my fiance and I combined two full households into one when we moved in together and we already have most everything we need.

     

    Some guests are stating that it is important that we register, not for our own convenience/selfishness, but for the ease of those who wish or insist on buying us gifts.  I absolutely agree with them, but I really feel that we have nothing to put on the registries.  I understand the whole "I would rather have guests buy me something I like than something non-returnable that I hate or don't need" concept...but seriously, there is about three things I can think of to ask for.

     

    Sure, we could use "better" models of things we already have, but what we have is good enough until we actually need new ones...no need to be wasteful.  I despise the idea of "making up" items that I need just to create a registry.  The items we do want are really on the high end of the price range (which is why we don't have them yet) and I think it would be unreasonable to have only very expensive things on a registry.  On top of that, I find it silly to create a registry with only 10 or less items on it!

     

    So, after that long intro, my question is how can I not register while still providing ideas for gifts from people??? I want to put some option out there so people don't struggle in finding something to give, if that is their choice.  I have seen the "honeymoon fund" sites, but I think they rip you off by charging 7% for your guests to give you something...a gift magically loses value for the sake of convenience.

     

    I want to put this info on my wedding website, but is there a tactful way of saying we already have what we need, but if you really want to give us something here is where we shop and here is where we bank?!?!

     

    Sorry, I am tying to be humerous simply because I am frustrated and torn between ettiquette, tradition, and what I think is right.  Hope you ladies have some good tips :)

     

    Thanks for the help and best wishes on all your planning!

     

     



    #2 MJKH

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      Posted 05 August 2011 - 10:25 PM

      Ohhhh boy...can I just say that there have been a number of discussions in this household about that very subject.  FI is against making lists/registering/suggesting...anything of that nature...for ANY occasion, whether it be birthdays, Christmas, etc.  I, on the other hand, LOVE to work off a registry.  I make it my mission to seek it out as soon as it's available and watch the flyers and in-store specials for items on that registry.  A couple of weeks ago, I presented a bride with a beautiful $70 salad bowl on her registry as a shower gift...giddy inside that I paid a mere $17.99 for it a few weeks earlier.  NOW...I recognize that I am not in the norm when it comes to bridal registry shopping.  Many a store clerk have told me that guests usually race in with their hair on fire an hour before the reception is to start, wondering what is left on the registry that they can purchase.  But it's a fun game for me!  My big issue with registering then, is why would I put a $150 henkels knife on our registry and have a guest purchase it at that price...when I know good and well that if I watch the sales, I could get it for 50 - 60% off if I bought it myself!?!  So here's me, scanning the flyers each week for the items on MY registry...thinking, well I might as well go out and get it myself for that price!  FI's mother was going to buy us one of those really expensive pot sets that they sell at trade shows, fairs, etc as a wedding gift.  For that price, we could replace our dining room set that I bought for $200 15 years ago!  This spring, there was a door-crasher special at a major department store here of the top of the line Henkels pot sets ($1000) , WITH a bonus 18/10 cutlery service for 8...all for $249!  Our old pots went into the camping gear box, and FI's mother doesn't need to worry about pots for us anymore.    

       

      To a certain extent, we are sitting where you are sitting...blissfully happy and really in need of nothing in particular.  We LOVE to travel...that is our passion..and as it happens, the travel agency we are using offers a travel registry...where they will hold the money in trust to use on your next vacation/honeymoon (no service fees with them).  I thought maybe we had reached a compromise in deciding to register for a few items that really would be nice to replace (with a plan to donate old items to charity)...as well as to do a travel registry.  But neither of our mothers was wild about the idea...and my aunts had a bit of a discussion with me as to what they wanted to do...they would prefer to just give money.  UGHHHH...I don't know what the solution is.  Believe me...I have seen some of the "interesting" items given over the years to couples...and those who register are not immune!  The store clerk that we did meet with about doing a registry mentioned that, for couples in our situation, she suggests scanning items you already have and indicating that they are purchased.  So for example, put a crockpot on your registry, but then go in and mark it as "purchased", you will be far less likely to get 10 crockpots for shower and wedding gifts (according to her anyway).  I thought that was an interesting concept.

       

      If you do a search, there are all kinds of "cutesy" poems and whatnot that could be written in a shower invite, on your wedding website, etc. to indicate that you'd prefer $ over gifts.  That is not really our style.  We chose not to include anything about gifts with the invitation as well.  I've kinda had a discussion with my mom about things that we could use that we couldn't even register for...like dishes at Costco or seasonal/camping stuff that's being cleared out of the stores for CHEAP as we speak!  As for the others, I think most people will get the hint...those that don't likely have something already tucked away in their closets with our names on it.  

       

      I don't think I've answered your questions, but let's see what others have to say...

       

       

      Originally Posted by ROXY6997 

      Hi everyone!  I have read numerous threads on this topic, but I haven't really found what I am looking for, so I was hoping I could get some of your personal opinions.  This is going to turn into a rant and I by no means intend to offend anyone or their ideals, this is just my personal perspective.

       

      I am against registering for two reasons...the first being the obvious point that guests are already spending a lot on travel.

      The second reason is because my fiance and I combined two full households into one when we moved in together and we already have most everything we need.

       

      Some guests are stating that it is important that we register, not for our own convenience/selfishness, but for the ease of those who wish or insist on buying us gifts.  I absolutely agree with them, but I really feel that we have nothing to put on the registries.  I understand the whole "I would rather have guests buy me something I like than something non-returnable that I hate or don't need" concept...but seriously, there is about three things I can think of to ask for.

       

      Sure, we could use "better" models of things we already have, but what we have is good enough until we actually need new ones...no need to be wasteful.  I despise the idea of "making up" items that I need just to create a registry.  The items we do want are really on the high end of the price range (which is why we don't have them yet) and I think it would be unreasonable to have only very expensive things on a registry.  On top of that, I find it silly to create a registry with only 10 or less items on it!

       

      So, after that long intro, my question is how can I not register while still providing ideas for gifts from people??? I want to put some option out there so people don't struggle in finding something to give, if that is their choice.  I have seen the "honeymoon fund" sites, but I think they rip you off by charging 7% for your guests to give you something...a gift magically loses value for the sake of convenience.

       

      I want to put this info on my wedding website, but is there a tactful way of saying we already have what we need, but if you really want to give us something here is where we shop and here is where we bank?!?!

       

      Sorry, I am tying to be humerous simply because I am frustrated and torn between ettiquette, tradition, and what I think is right.  Hope you ladies have some good tips :)

       

      Thanks for the help and best wishes on all your planning!

       

       



       



      #3 cherany

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        Posted 06 August 2011 - 06:59 AM

        I feel the same about not asking for gifts, since we're already asking guests to travel so far.  However, I know there are a few people who are going to give us something, no matter what we do/say, and I'd rather it be something we actually want, since those particular people are likely to spend a lot on it.  I also know there are going to be family members who cannot make it to the wedding, who want to get us something.  We've decided to ask for "gift certificates" for our chosen photographer.  We're still in the process of choosing one, so the details are not ironed out yet, but however we do it, it will help us out when it comes time to order prints.

         

        We do plan to put a note about gifts on our website, stressing that guests' presence is present enough, but if they are determined to give us something, we've set up an option for them.  If anyone doesn't like it, we're not going to worry about it; the note that we don't expect or need gifts covers that, we feel.  I know I have a few family members who will send us traditional gifts, like coffee makers and toasters, but not so many of them that I'm concerned about it.  The people I expect will do that are not likely to spend more than $20, so nothing we'll feel bad about giving away or donating. 



        #4 clgriffi7

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          Posted 06 August 2011 - 08:47 AM

          Here is the wording we used on our wedding website under the "Registry" tab:

          "Your attendance at our wedding so far from home is a wonderful gift in itself.  Your presence is the best present we could ask for!

          For those guests that have requested a registry, we have set up an online honeymoon registry.  As we both owned separate houses, and a significant number of duplicate items had to be donated when we moved in together (to save money for the wedding of course!), a traditional in-store registry does not make sense.  We have booked a once-in-a-lifetime Mediterranean cruise on Carnival for our honeymoon/ 1-year anniversary for September of 2012.

          Our registry can be found at...."

           

          We only mentioned the registry on the website, so there will be people that never see it - but we put it out there.  Just an FYI - we chose honeyfund for our registry because they have the lowest fees.  Their fees are ~3% compared to 7+% for other websites.  Basically Honeyfund doesn't charge a fee because they never touch your money, it is passed through PayPal and the ~3% is actually the PayPal fee.

           

          I know guests will do whatever they want to do - which is true of a DW or an at-home wedding.  Best of luck.



          #5 MJKH

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            Posted 06 August 2011 - 09:01 AM


            Very well done and tasteful...I much prefer what you've said over a cutesy poem. 

             

            Originally Posted by clgriffi7 

            Here is the wording we used on our wedding website under the "Registry" tab:

            "Your attendance at our wedding so far from home is a wonderful gift in itself.  Your presence is the best present we could ask for!

            For those guests that have requested a registry, we have set up an online honeymoon registry.  As we both owned separate houses, and a significant number of duplicate items had to be donated when we moved in together (to save money for the wedding of course!), a traditional in-store registry does not make sense.  We have booked a once-in-a-lifetime Mediterranean cruise on Carnival for our honeymoon/ 1-year anniversary for September of 2012.

            Our registry can be found at...."

             

            We only mentioned the registry on the website, so there will be people that never see it - but we put it out there.  Just an FYI - we chose honeyfund for our registry because they have the lowest fees.  Their fees are ~3% compared to 7+% for other websites.  Basically Honeyfund doesn't charge a fee because they never touch your money, it is passed through PayPal and the ~3% is actually the PayPal fee.

             

            I know guests will do whatever they want to do - which is true of a DW or an at-home wedding.  Best of luck.



             



            #6 ROXY6997

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              Posted 06 August 2011 - 10:26 AM

              Thank you ladies for the feedback, especially MJKH...reassured me that more people feel the way I do:)

               

              @clgriffi7~ that wording is exactly what I was looking for, but it sounded horrible when I wrote it!!! I found honeyfund last night and that seems like a very considerable option since there is only a service fee if a credit card is used.  That sets up an option for people and it gets my wishes across.  Plus, I have a feeling, at least with my family, that they wouldn't even use the link, but will give us money toward something in person rather than online AND it will prevent toasters/blenders! 

               

              @cherany~ the photographer gc Idea is awesome...I have been fretting over how much I want to spend and that would be a great way to afford the photogrpaher that I want!

               

               



              #7 JayKay

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              Posted 06 August 2011 - 12:22 PM

              I love this wording.  We also were against a traditional wedding registry as we have everything we need and don't want a new toaster when ours is only a few years old and works just fine.  We have had people asking where we are registered so I think we may sign up for honeyfund and see how that goes over! Thanks for this wording!

               

              Originally Posted by clgriffi7 

              Here is the wording we used on our wedding website under the "Registry" tab:

              "Your attendance at our wedding so far from home is a wonderful gift in itself.  Your presence is the best present we could ask for!

              For those guests that have requested a registry, we have set up an online honeymoon registry.  As we both owned separate houses, and a significant number of duplicate items had to be donated when we moved in together (to save money for the wedding of course!), a traditional in-store registry does not make sense.  We have booked a once-in-a-lifetime Mediterranean cruise on Carnival for our honeymoon/ 1-year anniversary for September of 2012.

              Our registry can be found at...."

               

              We only mentioned the registry on the website, so there will be people that never see it - but we put it out there.  Just an FYI - we chose honeyfund for our registry because they have the lowest fees.  Their fees are ~3% compared to 7+% for other websites.  Basically Honeyfund doesn't charge a fee because they never touch your money, it is passed through PayPal and the ~3% is actually the PayPal fee.

               

              I know guests will do whatever they want to do - which is true of a DW or an at-home wedding.  Best of luck.



               



              #8 coquine

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              Posted 30 October 2011 - 07:41 PM

              This was exactly how I felt and didn't know how to ask the question. I like the wording and the options mentionned. Thanks for starting this thread!






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