Wow! Thank you all for sharing your stories! I am feeling so much better that it is not just me.... though, quite frankly, I do not have it nearly so bad.
I just got engaged about a month ago, and even before we were, we knew we wanted to do a destination wedding. I knew I did not want to do it in the small town I am from.... my entire family lives there, it is the middle of nowhere, and I only go back about once a year. I did not want it to be all about me - no, not even me, my family - and nothing about him. We love to travel, and so we chose a DW. Let me preface this with saying, FI is an only child, and we are both the first grandchildren on any side to be married. I am the oldest of 4. We have all of our grandparents currently, but my moms dad is going downhill pretty quickly. I knew that my moms parents could not see me get married unless it was in that hometown, which is not an option, so why not go very far away?
Anyway, my mom and I have always had a rocky relationship, we are pretty cool but polite to each other, she is a really really negative person who I am pretty sure is bipolar but refuses to believe anything is wrong. I have had to place distance between us over the years because of the effect she has had on me and on my relationship with FI - very very toxic.
We knew there would be issues when I told my mom - from the beginning - about having a DW. Very negative comments, and she doesn;t want to contribute any money - fine, but they spend thousands and thousands on my other siblings for much less important events. She refuses to talk to me about my wedding, though to begin with she actually sounded a little excited. I (foolishly apparently) thought that maybe this would help bring us together... all those bonding with mom moments, you know?
I asked her if she wanted us to come visit after we got engaged (in mexico). she said, maybe, if she didn't have something better to do. I asked if she wanted to see the video of our engagement (we had the camera going). Again, oh, if she has time. she is a stay at home mom, for heavens sake! the video is 4 minutes long! Seriously, she doesn;t have time? I have already been told how selfish I am. They go on vacations all the time... and asking them to spend one watching their eldest get married is selfish? really?
I get along very well with FI mom, who IS excited for the wedding. i do not mean to be catty, but I guess I know who I will be spending those mom bonding moments with if this continues. Sigh.
Sorry for venting. I do not have it as bad as some of you, I know, and it helps that I can vent about it. FI knows and understands, but reasons that she has always been like this, why am I letting it bother me so much now?
Thank you again for sharing your stories, I am so impressed by how you are handling these difficult situations.