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Difficult Family - still 16months to go!


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#11 AfricanVenus

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    Posted 08 August 2011 - 12:29 PM

    I did something similar: Just created a private wedsite that only those attending had the password to. This way, we could fill them in on all the details and generate excitement. I never mentioned ANYTHING on Facebook (not my engagement, wedding date, planning, etc). One, if they're close to you, they'll know already. And two, negative Nellies will be kept at bay (as much as possible). I'm a private person by nature, but I learned my lesson early on. My hairdresser, who I was really cool with, saw each other in Walmart one day. She asked me about the wedding planning and I told her I just bought my dress. I showed her a pic of it on my cell and her immediate response was, "How much did you pay for this?" Not, "Oh, pretty" or "Nice". I said, "About $1500, but it was a gift from my mom." I actually felt embarassed that I had my dream dress because of the look she gave me! She said, "$1500?!? For a dress?!" I didn't know what to say. From that moment on, I never said another word about my wedding planning to anyone unless it was on BDW or close family. People are haters by nature. All of that nonsense you're dealing with is just pure and simple jealousy. Old as Cain and Abel. No one should be made to feel bad/guilty about how they want their special day. You're not dragging them there, and they're not paying for it. A lot of folks thought I was being snotty by being so quiet about my day, but I hate drama and negativity. At home weddings tend to orbit around those two elements. I suggest you use this forum and supportive family members as an outlet for your wedding-sharing news. FB and those who have shown their true colors are not options for sharing your news. I understand your desire to share every aspect, but there's gotta be some balance. It's not censoring your joy. It's knowing who to share that joy with. Hope things turn out better for the stretch!


    Heaven endures and the Earth lasts a long time, because they do not live for themselves. ~~Our story endures: June 25, 2011~~
    Wedsite: kosha.projectwedding.com

    #12 weddingaway

    weddingaway
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    • 196 posts

      Posted 08 August 2011 - 02:58 PM

      I know this may be uncomfortable at first, but you should have a sit-down with each of these people.  You have quite a while until your wedding, and I don't think that you should have to censor your comments (on FB or in-person) because the wedding is a major event in your life and you are allowed to talk about it!  I would tell these people that they may not realize it but their comments are hurtful, and if they don't have anything nice to say then they shouldn't say anything at all.  It may result in some of them backing out of the wedding (or at least threatening to) but they are adults and that is their choice, just like it is your choice to have a DW.  I am sure they have made decisions that you didn't agree with but you had the manners and good taste to hold your tongue.  I just feel like restricting your comments only rewards their bad behavior.

       

      To be honest, I could talk about wedding stuff forever so I can't imagine trying not to simply because it bothers some people.

       

      Good luck and Congrats!  Don't let them ruin your special day!



      #13 asiamarie1

      asiamarie1
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        Posted 08 August 2011 - 07:08 PM

        We also had some issues with family that was upset about us having a destination wedding. But my Fiance and I decided that this is what we wanted and the people that wanted to be there would be and the ones that didn't, well that is their choice. I have siblings that wouldn't even look at my web page, just because...So I realized the people that we are important will be there regardless and that's what matters the most....



        #14 stluciabound

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          Posted 12 August 2011 - 02:03 AM


          Hi Ladies! @Sunshine2680... Your situation is so similar to the one I have been dealing with!! Please allow me to return my vent so you can see we are really not alone!!

          So I will start by saying that my FI and I are paying for our own wedding so cost has always been a concern, however since we both had always imagined a large at home wedding we began our planning that way. We sat down with both our families to see if they planned to/would be able to help at all. My parents committed to a certain amount that represented the very best they could do, as they are not wealthy and already put me through college. His, much wealthier, parents acted confused that we would even ask and refused to contribute even $1, despite the fact their family is huge (mine is EXTREMELY small) and they expected they would all be invited representing about 80% of our guests. Ok fine. We worked very hard to try and make this wedding happen to please them and even went so far as putting down deposits at the venue, photog, etc. We even made his brother best man and HIS sister made of honor, a kind family gesture, I thought. Well guess what? When we were honest with ourselves we realized WE CAN"T AFFORD IT!!! So, we decided to extend our honeymoon in St Lucia at Sandals and invite close friends and family to join us, giving them over a year to plan. Once we decided we were so excited... until... his family's freak out. His sister (who by the way their parents paid all of her wedding's $30,000) threw a temper tantrum stating they would not be able to go, despite us offering to help with the cost. The rest of the family just followed right along saying that NONE of them would come. So, we went back to the drawing board trying to find money we didn't have to accomodate their oversized, clearly selfish family. I had originally posted a comment when we booked our honeymoon. Apparently that was a mistake, because they (without taking the time to even congratulate us, as at this point we were still having a local wedding) took it upon themselves as a family to log onto the sandals site and "mock up" our honeymoon with room category/length of stay to price it out and decided it was too expensive and they should plan a "family intervention". WHAT?!? If you were not worried about us footing the bill for Auntie Jean that I've never met and the 14 cousins twice removed then don't you dare worry about what we are spending for our honeymoon!!! Well,this was the last straw. We forfitted all our deposits and moved the whole damn thing to St Lucia despite their original objections. I was ready to write them all off at this point, but for obvious reasons my FI was having a harder time believing that his supposed "close knit loving family" could act like such a bunch of jerks. It took him weeks to prepare himself to go back over and break the news that we were definitely cancelling the at home wedding and moving it to St Lucia. Of course we focused not on their behavior, but the fact that despite our best efforts, we simply couldn't afford it. Well,needless to say all logic and reason was lost in that conversation as they spouted off more and more cruel, mean,nasty, and unrealistic remarks. They refused to even look into the cost and said that no matter what, they would not come. They then told us we would have to get married in their backyard before we go so that the "family" could be there. Their family by the way. Not my family, because they live 1,000 miles away and are already joining us in St Lucia. But that didn't matter. Forget the people actually making the effort to go. Needless to say they haven't stopped there. Since then there have been various phone calls telling us how selfish we are and how much we are hurting them. If I ever do put anything on Facebook they say I am "rubbing it in", yet I have also been accused of not calling them enough to discuss wedding planning. WHAT?!? Can you say bipolar? Not to mention his brother and sister (to remind you, the supposed maid of honor and best man) have not made a single phone call in months to either check and see how we are OR to step down since they are refusing to come. Obviously, behind the scenes we have made other arrangements, but seriously, who acts like that? OH! And I almost forgot, his mother also recently "informed" us that we are "not allowed" to send invitations to our wedding because it is rude. RUDE?? Ahhh, the irony just goes on and on. Needless to say, the deposit is down on the invitations and they will absolutely be sent out the moment I receive them. I hate to sound like like I am being spiteful, but I just feel like if I give in to their bullying now then I am setting myself up for a life of bowing down to their selfish demands. I refuse to live like that. And seriously, this is only about 10% of what they have put us through in the last 6 months. It makes me sad because we were all so close before. Oh well, no more.I just want to get excited. And, like you, the very mention of the word wedding around them sends a chill through the room like no other. It's just not right. I just don't know how a group of intelligent adults can act like a bunch of children. Ugh!

           

          Well, I am also now done venting!! Lol sorry and thanks for listening! I will say that as time goes by and you just make a conscious decision not to surround yourself with the debbie downers, it starts to get easier. Also, another bride on this site said something that really resonated with me. When people say they "can't afford" to come, 9 times out of 10 what they are really saying is,"I don't want to spend my money on that". Unless they are seriously dead broke, giving someone over a year to save up for something (a dream vacation let's not forget) is more than resonable. That is, if they care enough to do it. So now, when someone says "We can't afford it" I choose to hear, "Your wedding is not important enough for me to save for". Which, by the way is fine, but then they should surely understand that we don't want to save to spend $100 a plate to feed a bunch of people we don't know so they can complain that their steak wasn't cooked  properly and the DJ didn't play the right songs! No thanks! Instead,we will be in paradise with the people that really love us. And it's going to be great :) Thanks again for allowing me to rant and good luck to you and all the lucky brides!!!!
           

          Originally Posted by Sunshine2680 

           

          So sorry if this has already been posted - I tried to have a peek but couldn't see much that was the same..
          and also SO sorry for the length - but I'm getting really upset and need to vent

          Ok - soooo...my FI and I got engaged Jan of this year. We decided shortly after to have a Destination wedding in Mexico.
          We knew from the get-go that some wouldn't be able to attend due to money issues. We were fine with that - basically adopted the mentality "whomever makes it..makes it..even if its just our parents". So out came the announcement and actually the group booking rate.
          Very early indeed - but we got a great deal so we jumped on it. To our surprise so did 30 others! We were shocked at how many booked - especially being 18months out from the wedding (Nov 2012).

          Now - on my moms side...I have two cousins and their wives that won't be able to attend. They are early 20's and just don't have the cash. One cousins wife - has been a thorn in my side lately.
          I've only posted a handful of wedding-related updates on Facebook (ex:We booked our photographer! or Poolside reception!)...ONLY as my Status - nothing else. And she just can't refrain from saying 'Stop posting about it - we can't go!'

          Next - my mom's sister - who IS going - can't help but throw her peanut gallery comments in when anything related comes up
          Like: "your looking at wedding magazines ALREADY?!?!"..or "Why are you going to Michaels? to get more crappy wedding stuff?"

          Next - my dads sister - who is NOT coming - has been the biggest pain - mostly because she's an adult and you'd think you'd expect some maturity - but apparently thats too much to ask. Ever since we announced destination - all she can ever do is throw her peanut gallery comments in like "Just have the wedding here - so it can be sooner"...or "We have a perfectly good backyard for your wedding!"
          NOW...she can't even acknowledge the wedding at all! My cousin (her daughter) mentioned we had booked our photographer and she couldn't even muster a response!!! She just turns her head and ignores the conversation!
          SERIOUSLY!?!?!

          Now - I'm not expecting the people that can't go - to be jumping up and down with excitement about wedding plans...nor do I even expect them to inquire (though it would be nice) - but what is their problem!?!?! I understand it sucks that they can't make it - but give me a break! I'm NOT shoving my wedding news in their faces whatsoever....but either I'm getting snotty comments or not even acknowledgement that this wedding even exists! We're only 8 months in and 16 to go - and I'm already starting to pull my hair out about it!
          My dad is starting to get upset at his sisters actions and is threatening to 'talk to her' about them - but I told him to just hold his tongue for now. The last thing I want or need is drama.
          But now I'm starting to get to the point where I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when we're around everyone. I feel like I can't talk freely about wedding plans without upsetting someone or getting the snotty comments or attitude that aren't needed.

          Ok - sorry again that was so long. I need to vent  - especially to those who may have gone through this and can offer up some advice.
          I know I can't let it get to me - but its easier said than done. What has anyone else done in the past???
          It would be one thing to just ignore them - but like I said - I feel like I can't even discuss my wedding around any of them. Which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I'm 30 years old and I've waited my entire life to get married - and now that its happening I have to watch what I say around whom? Give me a break!
          Phew - ok..sorry
           

          Shutting up now...
          Any input would be great thanks!
           



           


          Staying strong through a cancelled engagement/wedding. Thankful for all the ladies here and hoping the best for everyone!!! xoxo

          #15 asiamarie1

          asiamarie1
          • Jr. Member
          • 239 posts

            Posted 12 August 2011 - 04:17 AM

            It amazes me how we as brides are considered selfish when we are having the wedding we want. Isn't that what it's supposed to be about, what the bride and groom want? Not what family wants. We are also paying for our wedding and in no way am I going to let any of the negativity I have been getting get me down!! It's hard but I am standing my ground on this......I have decided that I am not letting anyone ruin this for me, it's mine and my FI day and like someone stated before, the ones that want to be there will and the ones that don't well that's there problem. Plus they will be the ones to regret getting to be a part of something so wonderful.



            #16 kat2012

            kat2012
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            • 602 posts

              Posted 12 August 2011 - 07:12 AM

              stluciabound

              Wow, i am speecheless. And I thought my FI family are jerks for politely saying that they dont feel like spending money on us. Comparing to you in-laws to be they are angels.... I feel really bad for you, and I hope it will work out at the end, one way or another.

              Thats your day and you can do whatever you want, invite whoever you want and spend your own money on whoever you want.

              I found that when I talk to about our wedding on FB lots of my friends are being really weird about it. So I decided to keep quiet about it and talk about it here. I love this website, here is always support and good advise from fellow brides. It definitely makes me feel better about my upcoming wedding.



              #17 Sunshine2680

              Sunshine2680
              • Jr. Member
              • 465 posts

                Posted 12 August 2011 - 07:34 AM

                WOW! and I thought I had it bad. U take the cake for sure.
                My family is just making sour remarks here and there..and the ones that can't come because of $ - are genuinely financially incapable. But I knew that before we even announced the wedding so we were fine with that.
                But to have people who DO have the money and are STILL refusing to come! I'm sorry but WTF!?!?!

                That is absolutely horrible!!!
                I feel sooo bad for you two.
                But I think you've handled yourselves very well. If it were me...and they were acting out like that..I'd be like..."Well if you want us to have a wedding here THAT bad..then you can contribute financially or mind your own business!!" Geeeezus!
                I'd be in the SAME mentality as you with regards to the invites too! I'd be sending them out no matter what! If they want to take it as an insult or 'rub-in' - SO BE IT.
                It is proper to send an invite EVEN IF you know already they aren't going. I am. And thats just wedding etiquette! The sad part is - ur spending money on a nice pretty invite only for them to pitch it in the garbage. Oh well.

                How is your FI through all of this? Has he stood up to them at all??? It is HIS family after all.
                The crappy thing is - this is going to hang over your heads forever now.
                Almost the same thing happened to a co-worker of mine. She and her husband got married in Scotland - (was her forever dream to be married in a castle) and the grooms parents refused to attend. Though they did have an at home reception - its still created a riff with them.

                The thing is - I'm not even having an AHR either. I'm not making it EASY for those who don't want to spend the money to see me get married. The was the 1st question out of their mouths when they found out we were going to Mexico. I was like 'Nope- sorry - you'll either be there or you wont'. I'm not dropping another $15000 just to accommodate the people who can't be bothered to spend $1400 to come for an entire week and see me get married. There are in fact people who just don't justify spending the money - and thats totally fine...not everyone wants to go to Mexico - but just accept the fact that you'll be missing out and then shut-up about it.

                I think the problem is with some of our families - is they take it personal! In which I have to say 'ya... - i'm having a destination wedding for the SOLE purpose to pi$$ you off!'  Give me a break! Hey newsflash! It's actually NOT all about you! Its actually about my FI and I - but thanks for coming out!
                I agree with you though - its SO Sad and pathetic that its adults acting like this!
                I honestly expected a lot more from my family. But it is what it is. Like I said - I expected SOME backlash - right away - have your 5min of bellyaching- but then be DONE with it! I didn't think I was signing myself up for 16 + months of your whining! GROW UP!

                Sigh - well - i'm glad you guys stood your ground anyway. It sucks that money plays such a HUGE factor in a wedding - but it does. My parents are so amazing about it that they asked if we were sacrificing a nice wedding at home for a beach wedding because of the money. We're like 'no way - this is what we want and the fact that we're saving a good 20 grand doing it - is icing on the cake'. They're helping us out no matter what which is great - especially as we're building our house next year too.
                But at that point we still had the mentality that if it was just our parents and us on the beach so be it. Its what we want cuz its OUR day.

                I think both our families will have regrets about how they acted. I'm hoping I won't have to put them in their place - but if it comes to that - so be it. I'm not going to let whats supposed to be one of the most special days of my life be ruined by anyone cuz it doesn't suit them. Get over it - or don't - but leave me out of it!

                 

                Originally Posted by stluciabound 


                Hi Ladies! @Sunshine2680... Your situation is so similar to the one I have been dealing with!! Please allow me to return my vent so you can see we are really not alone!!

                So I will start by saying that my FI and I are paying for our own wedding so cost has always been a concern, however since we both had always imagined a large at home wedding we began our planning that way. We sat down with both our families to see if they planned to/would be able to help at all. My parents committed to a certain amount that represented the very best they could do, as they are not wealthy and already put me through college. His, much wealthier, parents acted confused that we would even ask and refused to contribute even $1, despite the fact their family is huge (mine is EXTREMELY small) and they expected they would all be invited representing about 80% of our guests. Ok fine. We worked very hard to try and make this wedding happen to please them and even went so far as putting down deposits at the venue, photog, etc. We even made his brother best man and HIS sister made of honor, a kind family gesture, I thought. Well guess what? When we were honest with ourselves we realized WE CAN"T AFFORD IT!!! So, we decided to extend our honeymoon in St Lucia at Sandals and invite close friends and family to join us, giving them over a year to plan. Once we decided we were so excited... until... his family's freak out. His sister (who by the way their parents paid all of her wedding's $30,000) threw a temper tantrum stating they would not be able to go, despite us offering to help with the cost. The rest of the family just followed right along saying that NONE of them would come. So, we went back to the drawing board trying to find money we didn't have to accomodate their oversized, clearly selfish family. I had originally posted a comment when we booked our honeymoon. Apparently that was a mistake, because they (without taking the time to even congratulate us, as at this point we were still having a local wedding) took it upon themselves as a family to log onto the sandals site and "mock up" our honeymoon with room category/length of stay to price it out and decided it was too expensive and they should plan a "family intervention". WHAT?!? If you were not worried about us footing the bill for Auntie Jean that I've never met and the 14 cousins twice removed then don't you dare worry about what we are spending for our honeymoon!!! Well,this was the last straw. We forfitted all our deposits and moved the whole damn thing to St Lucia despite their original objections. I was ready to write them all off at this point, but for obvious reasons my FI was having a harder time believing that his supposed "close knit loving family" could act like such a bunch of jerks. It took him weeks to prepare himself to go back over and break the news that we were definitely cancelling the at home wedding and moving it to St Lucia. Of course we focused not on their behavior, but the fact that despite our best efforts, we simply couldn't afford it. Well,needless to say all logic and reason was lost in that conversation as they spouted off more and more cruel, mean,nasty, and unrealistic remarks. They refused to even look into the cost and said that no matter what, they would not come. They then told us we would have to get married in their backyard before we go so that the "family" could be there. Their family by the way. Not my family, because they live 1,000 miles away and are already joining us in St Lucia. But that didn't matter. Forget the people actually making the effort to go. Needless to say they haven't stopped there. Since then there have been various phone calls telling us how selfish we are and how much we are hurting them. If I ever do put anything on Facebook they say I am "rubbing it in", yet I have also been accused of not calling them enough to discuss wedding planning. WHAT?!? Can you say bipolar? Not to mention his brother and sister (to remind you, the supposed maid of honor and best man) have not made a single phone call in months to either check and see how we are OR to step down since they are refusing to come. Obviously, behind the scenes we have made other arrangements, but seriously, who acts like that? OH! And I almost forgot, his mother also recently "informed" us that we are "not allowed" to send invitations to our wedding because it is rude. RUDE?? Ahhh, the irony just goes on and on. Needless to say, the deposit is down on the invitations and they will absolutely be sent out the moment I receive them. I hate to sound like like I am being spiteful, but I just feel like if I give in to their bullying now then I am setting myself up for a life of bowing down to their selfish demands. I refuse to live like that. And seriously, this is only about 10% of what they have put us through in the last 6 months. It makes me sad because we were all so close before. Oh well, no more.I just want to get excited. And, like you, the very mention of the word wedding around them sends a chill through the room like no other. It's just not right. I just don't know how a group of intelligent adults can act like a bunch of children. Ugh!

                 

                Well, I am also now done venting!! Lol sorry and thanks for listening! I will say that as time goes by and you just make a conscious decision not to surround yourself with the debbie downers, it starts to get easier. Also, another bride on this site said something that really resonated with me. When people say they "can't afford" to come, 9 times out of 10 what they are really saying is,"I don't want to spend my money on that". Unless they are seriously dead broke, giving someone over a year to save up for something (a dream vacation let's not forget) is more than resonable. That is, if they care enough to do it. So now, when someone says "We can't afford it" I choose to hear, "Your wedding is not important enough for me to save for". Which, by the way is fine, but then they should surely understand that we don't want to save to spend $100 a plate to feed a bunch of people we don't know so they can complain that their steak wasn't cooked  properly and the DJ didn't play the right songs! No thanks! Instead,we will be in paradise with the people that really love us. And it's going to be great :) Thanks again for allowing me to rant and good luck to you and all the lucky brides!!!!
                 



                 



                 



                #18 Coco YUL

                Coco YUL
                • Jr. Member
                • 162 posts

                  Posted 12 August 2011 - 08:35 AM

                  OMG... I'm so mad right now... GIRLS!!!! Give me the address and I'll go and kick some ?*%(?$.... GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

                   

                  A few month's ago, my friend got married and while she was planning THE day... I though it was rediculous, cheap and the list goes on... but I always reminded my self... It's THERE day so they'll do what they want... And I did spend a lot of money on that wedding... I was a bridesmaid so got a dress, jewels, plan bachelorette and spend $$$ on that, help her with the planning, when to the restaurant for dinner had to pay for our meals and only had 1 hour to eat, bought a gift... well it cost a lot... but it was her day and at the end, she was super happy... that's what matter!!!

                   

                  Now, it's my turn... always tough to do the big wedding at home... while I was putting the guest list together, only had 70... and most of them my FI didn't want to see them lol... he was saying why spend money on people that I see once a year (sometime)... than summer was here and I told him... I want a F?&%*?&%$ pool next year... His answer... you can't have it all, a wedding and a pool... since we LOVE to travel... why not a DW... Eureka... why not get legally married at home (his mom and mine said it was important for them to be there when we'll get married) and have a little get together at a restaurant with family and do THE wedding at destination... He was onboard with the idea... Why celebrate 1 day when you can do it for 7 :) And we do understand not everybody will make it but we can live with that...

                   

                  Don't understand why people can't see the big pic... yes it's a wedding but it's also the opportunity to get together, have fun, be on vacations and celebrate life...

                  Hoping I won't have to many of those peanuts...



                  #19 stluciabound

                  stluciabound
                  • Newbie
                  • 85 posts

                    Posted 12 August 2011 - 09:08 AM

                    Thank you SO much ladies!! All of your kind words have really made me smile. I sincerely don't know what I would do had I not found these forums. I just wish I had found them sooner when the bulk of the craziness was going on and I wish I could have him read some of the stories on here... I just don't want him to see my vents ;)

                     

                    To respond to some of your comments... we are NOT having an AHR. Mostly because the people refusing to come CAN afford it and are choosing not to, so I will not be further strapping us finacially to appease their selfishness. I have discovered that Sandals offers live streaming of the ceremony so I told my FI that if they are so worried about missing it then they can log on and watch from home and feel like idiots for not being there. There will be no local "pre ceremony" as they have been insisting upon and we will not be footing the bill for some party when we get home. At this point, after all the horrible things they have done (and believe me I have barely scratched the surface) they should feel lucky if we even give them the password to log on ;) That sounds catty, I'm sorry,but it's really that bad.

                     

                    And no,he has not always been ok with all of this. For a solid 6 months he was trying to defend and appease them, which caused more fighting,yelling, and crying then I will ever care to admit. We went from the most loving, trusting, compatable relationship to actually questioning the wedding at one point. That's when I put on the brakes.  I was not going to lose the love of my life because his family was acting like a bunch of children. It was at this point, about 2 months ago that I made a daring move. Without him knowing I added the days to the beginning of our honeymoon to accomodate the wedding date and legal grace period. I rebooked our wedding for the same time, on the same original date as the one here locally. There was only one time slot left so I couldn't wait to convince him and I just knew I had to do it. I then said to him "if you love ME and want to marry ME I will be in my dress in St Lucia on April 14th so I suggest you board the plane on the 12th when I do." I was scared to death, but I was at my breaking point and I knew he was just responding to their bullying and not seeing the big picture. Talk about a leap of faith. Well, that did it. He finally realized that he was going to lose me if he didn't get his family in check and start honoring "us". It was then that he finally went to his family and told them that this was once and for all our final decision. Needless to say, as I described in my last post, they have continued their nonsense, but I have my best friend, my FI back. We are us again and he realizes that as long as we are there then that is all that matters. He is finally getting excited. AMEN!!

                     

                    I would like to also share with you ladies the story of my best friends destination wedding situation from last June in Jamaica. It has really helped me to keep things in perspective. She met her fiancee while in grad school in San Diego. He was the last of kin to his mother who was living alone in NC. When they got engaged she was supportive and even suggested they get married in Jamaica. When they looked into it they liked it and told her that's what they would do. Well, in a stunning turn of events she told them that she would disown him/them if they didn't have a traditional wedding in NC. Huh?? When they explained they couldn't afford that she suggested that my friend drop out of Grad school to get some more jobs to give HER the wedding she always wanted her son to have. She also was not contributing a dime. Wow. At that point they were disowned and her poor FI had to have devastating conversations with his mother, who even went so far as to curse out my friend saying that she was a b**** and was "stealing her son". My poor friend was devastated. They spent months dealing with this until finally, after offering multiple times to pay for her trip, that she agreed to go. This was about 2 months before the wedding. She would be the only person he would have coming on his side. Well, now for the eye opening part of the story... about a week before the wedding he was having trouble getting a hold of her. He called a neighbor to go check on her (sometimes she justs wouldn't answer the phone if she was throwing a temper tantrum). They couldn't get a hold of her either. Knowing that she was a bit older with some health problems they called the police for help. When the police got there they found his poor mother dead in her bed. They received a knock on their door in CA at midninght to tell them the news. This was 5 days before we were all set to arrive in Jamaica for the wedding. As devastaing as this was the next day they had to find flights to get to NC so they could hunt through her home to find her will and begin to get her affairs in order. My friend had to pull her dress with incomplete alterations,never got to even try it on, and had to get on a plane to go there. I don't know how they did it. In the end, we all ended up in Jamaica and they had a beautiful wedding, during which a thoughtful tribute to his mother was given. The whole thing was horrific. They never got to truly make amends with his mother. The situation they went through helps me to keep things in perspective, but it makes me angrier sometimes when people do act so selfish. Life is too short to be so cruel.

                     

                    Anyway, here is to hoping all the negative people in our lives either come around or get the heck out of the way! And thanks again everyone for your support!! You ladies are the greatest!!


                    Staying strong through a cancelled engagement/wedding. Thankful for all the ladies here and hoping the best for everyone!!! xoxo

                    #20 Sunshine2680

                    Sunshine2680
                    • Jr. Member
                    • 465 posts

                      Posted 12 August 2011 - 10:10 AM

                       

                      WOW - unreal!
                      I gotta say...u got balls girl! good for you even standing up to your FI! SO GLAD he saw the light.
                      It truly sucks having to put someone in the position of choosing between his family and you - but if it has to be done - so be it. You are his FUTURE.

                      Whats worse is that its his family in fact thats causing all the toxicity!
                      I'm so glad you guys were able to come back together.

                      Makes me also very thankful that my family isn't coming between my FI and I. I can't imagine how that would effect things.

                      That is so unfortunate with your friends wedding. So sad they didnt make amends..but what is sadder is that none of us would even be put into this situation if people would just RESPECT the fact that its NOT their wedding.
                      People may not like our choices - but no one is FORCING them to participate either.

                      Thats partially why I told my dad to hold his tongue for now - because the last thing we want or need right now is for the $hit to hit the fan and have a big blow out which could actually end up in people on non-speaking terms.
                      Id rather just swallow my frustrations in their presence and vent on here - if it keeps the peace (even if its fake peace) until this wedding is overwith.

                      I think if people would just look at the bigger picture and realize that creating animosity between family members over a wedding - just isnt worth it.
                      You're right - lift is too short to create bad blood!






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