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anna524

Need advice.

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IMO.... I would find a way to tell her. If you are really notthat close and she is going to push you around...Don't stand for it. I have had numerous fights with my mum since i started planning b/c iam not going to let any one point their finger at me and tell me what I HAVE to do. Best of luck

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I had a similar situation happen to me and I was just honest and said that I had to be very select about who to ask because it is going to be a small wedding and I knew it would be costly.  Turns out, she took me to lunch 3 months later and "broke up" with me.  Her fiancee had recently broken off their engagement (my FI and her ex have been friends for over 20 years and I met her through him), and she told me it was too hard to be a part of my happy year...

 

BURN.

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I totally understand, and its funny I am normally a fairly blunt person, but there are some situations, and circumstance where I just feel my hands are tied, then its up to passive aggressive behavior, strait out, its your day, but conflict may not be your thing, and the letter or face to face could only complicate your life more, I get that, she has suggested she wont wear an expensive gown, simply indicate you have chosen an uber expensive designer absolutely not designed for her figure dress for her to wear, and if she is willing to purchase it and attend, well, at least she counts to the discounts at the resort and wearing a horrid 1000 dress she is a bit of a floor show, but my bet is she starts backpedalling and is somehow 'busy' that day.  I hope for you the best, my pain in the but is family and honestly I cant ditch her much as I would like to

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well she came into my work last night with some people from school and two other girls, who were all really rude, and then afterwards texted me saying "hey tonight was really awkward. I really think we need to sit down and talk" so im guessing its gonna come out then. I just don't like how I feel forced into this.

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It is horrible that you are in this situation, should be a happy occasion, not a traumatic issue, honestly, its a celebration of love, not a contest of wills

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I think the answer to your problem is in your post - you said she "used to be your best friend"! Obviously, she is not so involved in your life now and with her inappropriate comments it seems like perhaps things are better this way. Once you start planning a wedding it becomes difficult to determine who is part of your life now and who is not , but perhaps you are not so close to this girl anymore for a reason. A wedding in my opinion is a celebration to be shared with people who are currently involved in those people's lives. It's easy to get carried away with the guest list and difficult to know when to "cut off" the invites. If this girl is already expressing distaste in having to spend money on a dress, how will she feel about spending money on a week long vacation??  I wish you well and unfortuanetly weddings seem to bring out a lot of immaturity in people, focus on the people that are excited to go and everything will be great!

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Originally Posted by Sllefebvr View Post

 

This is such a weird situation. If this was me I would tell her that because you are having a destination wedding you are having a small intimate wedding. Because of this you need to have a small wedding party or things will not be proportioned properly. Because who wants to have a huge wedding party and not many guests.... Especially if she is already making things difficult she is going to continue to be a pain in the butt. Let me know of the outcome and good luck!!

 

 

 

 I 1000% agree with this!  Please don't let ANYONE ruin or cause any little bit of stress for you during this planning process.  You only get to do this once (hopefully) and you should enjoy every single second of it! 

 

I'm speaking from experience because I cannot begin to tell you how stressed out I was about choosing my bridal party. 

 

I've known my childhood best friend for 17 years and we kind of grew apart in recent years but I was her maid of honor so I thought it would only be fair to ask her to be mine even though I really didn't want to.  I really wanted my other best friend (who I met thru my childhood best friend) to be my maid of honor. I was so stressed because I thought it would hurt my childhood friend to choose someone I knew for less years and who I met thru her.  Especially because she chose me to be her maid of honor.  So I decided to bite the bullet and invite her to be in the bridal party (as moh) but was torn and hated every single second of that decision.

 

Long story short....when it was all said and done, that childhood friend did no't even go to my wedding.  At the last minute she made up one bogus excuse after the other as to why she couldn't travel.  My other friend?  Despite having a mortgage, two kids and a ton of bills, found a way to travel because she said she wouldn't miss it for the world. 

 

So, the moral of my story?  I stressed out for absolutely no reason because she wasn't worth it!  And if I could take back all the time I spent worrying about it, I would do so in a heartbeat!

 

I had about 3 other people who kind of assumed they would be part of the bridal party and those people did end up traveling to the wedding but I know they were initially hurt they weren't a part of it.  I just told them that I was having a small bridal party because it was a small wedding and I didn't want half of my guests to be in the bridal party.  I told them that everyone who was invited to travel with me to my destination wedding was invited because they are special and close to me.  I told them that if I could I would have everyone in the bridal party but it just wouldn't make sense with a small guest list. 

 

I say go with that excuse and then move on and enjoy this amazing journey in your life. 

 

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I may ask her out to lunch and as you're talking about the wedding, bring up the fact that because you are having a destination wedding and have to keep things small, you will also be having a small bridal party.  You could tell her that you just wanted to clarify that you are not able to have her as a bridesmaid and that you wanted to tell her in person because you were afraid that she may be upset.  You could tell your" friend" that if you were having a large wedding you would have loved to include her (that doesn't neccessarily have to be true hehe) but that you and your fiance have decided you must keep the party small.  Let her know that you would love to have her share in some fun wedding events (if you wouldn't mind) to allow her to feel included.  If you really don't care to do this then don't offer that last part.  I think you will feel a breath of relief as soon as you do this.  I did this same thing and felt so much better after getting it off my chest :)  Good luck

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