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anna524

Need advice.

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I have known this girl since grade 4 and used to be best friends with her, and when we were growing up we used to say how we would be in each others weddings as bridesmaids. In highschool we had a falling out and have barely talk since then. I see her once every 4 months if that, but my best friend ran into her the other day and they started talking and she told my best friend how excited she was to be in the wedding party and started talking about dresses. I have not asked her to be in my wedding party (and was not planning on it) and only talked to her once about bridesmaids dresses because she asked if I had found them yet and how the planning was going. When we were talking, she said I should buy bridesmaids dresses(which I am not doing), and then went to go on and say if she was a bridesmaid and was asked to buy a dress that was $170 she would flat out refuse and said it was a stupid idea. I don't know what to say or do so that she doesn't continue to think she is in my bridal party. Another friend suggested I just suck it up and have her in my party, but i want it to be people who are close to me, and I know she will try to take over all of the planning or tell me I am doing things wrong.

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This is such a weird situation. If this was me I would tell her that because you are having a destination wedding you are having a small intimate wedding. Because of this you need to have a small wedding party or things will not be proportioned properly. Because who wants to have a huge wedding party and not many guests.... Especially if she is already making things difficult she is going to continue to be a pain in the butt. Let me know of the outcome and good luck!!

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What an awkward situation for you. It sounds like you don't want her in it so I would just be honest with her & tell her. Especially since it does sound like she is already being a pain about the dresses. It's your day and I wouldn't just suck it up & have her in it. I agree with Sllefebvr, you could say since its a DW you are not having a lot of bridesmaids but you would love to have her there with you.

Good luck, let us know what happens.

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its your day..YOUR WAY...tell the 'frenemy' to step off and KEEP IT MOVING.  frankly, i wouldn't even address it..she gets no invite..she gets no 'will you be my bridesmaid' card or convo..hell, you barely even see her..so just DONT see her at all again EVER..and if you do, act like she's invisible...the naysayers and the haters need to step aside...no one deserves this much anguish..don't give her or her antics ANOTHER moment of your precious time...you'll be mad you allowed her in the wedding party and even more mad when she proceeds to take over...

 

my motto..relax, relate, release and bask in the sunshine...not the "rain" this chick is trying to drop on your parade.

 

until next time, happy planning!!  msnwink.gif

 

R~

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Yikes!  This might be the definition of awkward!  I think that if I was in this situation I personally would not be able to go up to someone face to face and say hey your not in my wedding!  I do think I would ever have the courage to do something like that.  Maybe write a letter to her?  Or Email?   If you do this you can still be kinda nice about it you are not faced with that terrible awkwardness of face to face addressing something like this, and she will finally get the kind of obvious point of the fact that you have grown apart and will not be in your wedding.  I mean if you only see each other rarely then what more harm really could be done? People grow up and apart its part of life!  Don't let that add extra stress to your wedding planning!  : )

 

Hope everything works out for you!

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I totally agree with above. If his girl hasn't been a major part of your life since high school why are you even worried about it? You all talked about weddings back when you were close and people have new friends, relationships, lives etc. I would honestly be a little weirder out by her "stalkerish" behavior and let her know you all aren't that close anymore and she isn't part of the wedding. You are having a destination wedding with a few friends who have become super close to you. Not someone who has fallen off and you barely speak to. Sorry but I'm a blunt person, my wedding comes before anyone elses feelings.

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Yeah, that's awkward.  I had a friend call me two days ago asking me "why in the hell am I not in your wedding party because when I get married you would definitely be in it".  Now, I have ALWAYS been a blunt person, even too a fault some would venture to say, but I gave her a mild version of the situation.  I say this to say it is harder than I thought it would be to have that conversation.  But, I never once thought about just putting her in the wedding to spare her feelings.  This is your day, like everyone else has said.  The people you pick are supposed to be people who are close to you, by your side and most of all, supportive and helpful throught this planning process.  Good luck and happy planning!

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thanks for all the advice girls. I think I might just send her a letter because i am not a blunt person and I cant see my self just calling her and saying it.

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What a tough position.  I would say that it is your wedding and you need to do what you want, not what will make other people happy.  That being said, if you don't want her to be in your wedding as a bridesmaid then tell her that and maybe ask if she could do a different job for you, such as being in charge of tipping vendors, or something like that.  That way she will still feel important and like she is contributing without feeling left out.

 

Originally Posted by anna524 View Post

I have known this girl since grade 4 and used to be best friends with her, and when we were growing up we used to say how we would be in each others weddings as bridesmaids. In highschool we had a falling out and have barely talk since then. I see her once every 4 months if that, but my best friend ran into her the other day and they started talking and she told my best friend how excited she was to be in the wedding party and started talking about dresses. I have not asked her to be in my wedding party (and was not planning on it) and only talked to her once about bridesmaids dresses because she asked if I had found them yet and how the planning was going. When we were talking, she said I should buy bridesmaids dresses(which I am not doing), and then went to go on and say if she was a bridesmaid and was asked to buy a dress that was $170 she would flat out refuse and said it was a stupid idea. I don't know what to say or do so that she doesn't continue to think she is in my bridal party. Another friend suggested I just suck it up and have her in my party, but i want it to be people who are close to me, and I know she will try to take over all of the planning or tell me I am doing things wrong.



 

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Wow, sometimes I wonder where people get the nerve .... if she hasn't had an official invite, how could she possibly think she's in the wedding party???? I personally wouldn't address it ... and let her think/dream/assume what she wants, it's not worth the aggravation!

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