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Evgal

Losing control of AHR

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We decided on a DW to keep it intimate but also hosting AHR to have fun with friends. The AHR is cocktails, dancing and some food at night at lounge-y venue for 250. My goal was to say we did it and let's party. So far planning for AHR has gone smoothly but now I feel the in-laws are giving suggestions that aren't bad but nothing that I had originally wanted. Things they suggested that I was not considering: large picture of us on display, guestbook (i was going to have one for messages but they suggested that we add one for addresses), flowers, decorations, cake (plus cutting photo op), and party favors. They pointed out that people would want to feel like they were at a wedding party and shared in something special and not just another party, which I agree - it was something that I considered but maybe I am not doing enough. I plan to wear my wedding dress for the first hour, do a slideshow, program with acknowledements, and make an announcement/toast. A lot of people are traveling to the AHR and I want our guests to feel appreciated and special. But i also decided on the venue to avoid "tradition" and I did not budget for these items so the costs will be considerable but won't necessarily break the bank. And I love my inlaws which makes it hard for me to say no. What should I do? What would make our guests feel special??

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Originally Posted by Evgal View Post

 

We decided on a DW to keep it intimate but also hosting AHR to have fun with friends. The AHR is cocktails, dancing and some food at night at lounge-y venue for 250. My goal was to say we did it and let's party. So far planning for AHR has gone smoothly but now I feel the in-laws are giving suggestions that aren't bad but nothing that I had originally wanted. Things they suggested that I was not considering: large picture of us on display, guestbook (i was going to have one for messages but they suggested that we add one for addresses), flowers, decorations, cake (plus cutting photo op), and party favors. They pointed out that people would want to feel like they were at a wedding party and shared in something special and not just another party, which I agree - it was something that I considered but maybe I am not doing enough. I plan to wear my wedding dress for the first hour, do a slideshow, program with acknowledements, and make an announcement/toast. A lot of people are traveling to the AHR and I want our guests to feel appreciated and special. But i also decided on the venue to avoid "tradition" and I did not budget for these items so the costs will be considerable but won't necessarily break the bank. And I love my inlaws which makes it hard for me to say no. What should I do? What would make our guests feel special??

 

I think this is pretty common as it happened to me as well! My parents and in-laws wanted all of the same things as yours. we had to talk to all of them about it and explain that we couldn't afford everything extra but if it was important to them would they be able to help us with the cost. They all wanted the traditions and said that it was something that they had always dreamed of us having. So we decided that it was there day as well and found a happy medium. I hope it works out for you as well

 

 

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Thanks for the replies. Yes, I think I will compromise. However, I will stand firm on things that I definitely don't want (cake cutting and wedding decor) and start from there. But isn't it strange to want such traditional things at a non-traditional party? We are doing all the wedding stuff at DW so it seem silly (artificial) to repeat at the AHR. I just wanted to party. Or maybe I am just a control freak. Oh well.

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It is so difficult to please everybody, so I think you are right about compromise. Perhaps try to make sure you are talking to them about your decisions. I guess that seems obvious, but I have realised (with hindsight) that some of our issues where people got upset was because we got so caught up discussing what we were going to do and actually forgot to tell important people why. We kinda expected them to know via some mystic power obviously!! We have now found that sometimes chatting with people casually allowed them to come to the same conclusions that we had, we didn't change any of our decisions, but they felt like they had helped us reach those decisions so were happier.

Just something to consider in case you've become a little caught up and blinded like I have :)

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We have been really worried about this too (I have a recurring nightmare that elderly relatives complain its not "weddingy enough" for them!). We have been really clear on the invites that it's a "party" & also said no gifts... Hoping that will manage expectations!

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