We are getting married in two weeks and suddenly my fiance's father has refused to come our wedding. I think it's because of me. I think my fiance made the mistake of venting to his father a little too much about our fights--so he knows only the bad stuff. His father does not really know me. He's only met me once (which weirdly I thought went quite well). He lives in California; we live in Ohio. I think he has a horrible opinion of me and hates me for no real valid reason...you know how it is when you vent to someone during arguements. I'm slightly mad at my fiance too...why couldn't he confide in his best friend or someone not quite so judgemental. I'm not perfect, neither is my fiance. I feel horrible. My fiance is devastated. The excuse the father is using for not coming is terrible. He says he's not coming because he just got his flight info from our travel agent and he is not assigned a seat on the plane (we talked to our travel agent who assured us that will change when he checks into his flight) and he insists on having an aisle seat because his girlfriend is claustrophobic. I have no idea what to do. I feel sick about this. My fiance is an only child and he feels like his relationship with his father has fallen apart. He's tried to talk to him about how much this means to him and his father says hes being selfish for insisting he be there and go to Mexico and risk him being incovenienced on the plane and for travel. I just don't know what to do at this point other than be sad and accept this terrible thing.
Fiance's father refuses to come...
Posted 27 May 2011 - 12:59 PM
Please don't be sad!!
From what you said, I can't possibly imagine your future FIL not coming to your wedding.. How could he miss his only childs wedding? Perhaps he was just doing some venting of his own..
I understand why you're upset with your fiance for venting to him.. I would be too.. Since he doesn't know you well enough to begin with, only hearing negative things doesn't do anything to help you.. I never vent to my family about my fiance.. I feel like they would hold a grudge or something.. I mean I do when my sister vents about her boyfriend.. I don't say anything about the negative feelings, but they do exist..
I don't know what advice to give you.. Are you comfortable reaching out to your FIL? Or can your fiance attempt to talk to him one more time? I always feel like you should at least make some kind of attempt.. That way at the end of it all you know that you did all you could do and try and find some peace in that..
About a year ago, I got into a fight with my closest cousins who called me selfish for wanting a DW.. They said some pretty hurtful things and cursed me out and basically said they don't give a crap about me or my wedding and we haven't spoken since.. I did try to make an effort to reach out-- after all it's pretty awkward to see these people every get together and just ignore each other.. But even when I was the bigger person they still continues to be not supportive and immature and just really spiteful.. So now I have just learned to accept it and I am in a good place with it all.. I don't want anyone at my wedding who doesn't want to be there. But more importantly, I don't want anyone in my life who doesn't with me anything but the best.
Posted 08 September 2011 - 05:20 PM
just came across this thread... i really hope your FIL made it to your wedding !!
Posted 22 September 2011 - 05:09 PM
Was in the same boat, my FIL wasn't coming to our wedding either until we convinced his sisters to go. Now he's coming too....but the FI doesn't think it's for him, but just to save face in front of his family. I hope he gets over this, at least his dad is coming.
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